Ranking the PSM Video Game Girls Swimsuit Issues

When I was a teen (back around 2005), I really got into video game magazines. EGM, Game Informer, Official PlayStation Magazine, Edge… I would sneak over to the corner store before church and get any issue I could find. In retrospect, I really should have subscribed to all of these, because I would have saved a ton of money in the process, but there was such a magical feeling in checking the magazine rack every week and seeing a new treasure on sale waiting to be poured over. This was before we got high speed internet at home (our dial-up connection was limited to only a couple hours per month), and before I could even buy video games in my home town. Suffice to say that these magazines were my Bible of video game culture.

One of my favourite gaming magazines from this time was PSM, the unofficial PlayStation magazine. As much as I enjoyed Game Informer and the Official PlayStation Magazine, those two publications were borderline advertisements that you paid money for: exaggerated/hyped previews, soft review scoring, every hyped game would get very high scores, and very little critical to say. PSM, on the other hand, was unofficial, so they just said whatever the hell they wanted to. This gave it a much edgier tone and significantly more personality to its reporting and articles, which made it much more appealing to me.

Part of PSM’s charm in the early days was that they would commission comic book artists to do the front cover illustrations for whatever game they were featuring that month. This was opposed to every other gaming magazine at the time, which would just use official advertising art approved by the game’s marketing team. As you can imagine, I find their two Dead or Alive covers to be so fucking cool. This practice would fade out over time, which I get: the comic book covers don’t really communicate that these are gaming magazines unless you recognize the cover character, and it would cost more money than using marketing materials. However, it definitely demonstrates the magazine’s gradual loss of personality as the years went on. By the time of the PS3’s launch, the magazine underwent a big, “serious” rebrand, which heralded their unfortunate shuttering a year and a half later.

Perhaps the most notorious distillation of PSM’s personality was their annual swimsuit issue. PSM would dedicate nearly a dozen pages showing off their comic book artist pals’ illustrations of various female video game characters in skimpy swimwear… yeah, the early 2000s were a wild time in gaming compared to today. Six swimsuit issues were published between July 2000 to September 2005 (which, I think, was right before I started reading PSM regularly). These sort of low-key offensive ploys to gain market attention are completely lost in today’s sanitized, corporate media landscape… that’s not to say that we should necessarily bring the 90s/2000s era of “edge” back, but there is a certain charm to it in retrospect.

The entire concept of a PSM swimsuit issue was fucking hilarious, so it made me want to track down each issue to see what sort of comedy I could mine out of them. So, here we are: I’m going to go through every swimsuit issue and then ranking each art piece from best to worst. Surprisingly, I seem to be the first person to actually try to do this, because I could not for the life of me find compiled information on which issues had a swimsuit special, what characters appeared in it, and how many years PSM ran it for. I had to find all this info myself while combing through the magazine’s back catalogue.

Speaking of which, credit goes to Retromags for archiving the magazine’s print run. Websites like that are a fucking godsend!

Jump to:

The Scoring System

Each art piece will be scored 0-10 on the following Certified Scientificโ„ข criteria:

  • How HOT is the image (aka, the HOTNESS score)? These articles all promise me art of HOT video game girls in BIKINIS, so how well does the image deliver on that central premise?
  • Is the art off-putting (aka, the Liefeld score)? Comic book artists are notorious for having a terrible understanding of human anatomy, so I’m expecting to see some abominations as we go through this. To be clear, terrible anatomy will result in a low score, whereas an appealing image without any obvious deformities will earn a high score.
  • Does the character selection make sense (aka, the Character selection score)? There weren’t a whole lot of notable female video game characters in the early 2000s, and this will be worse for PSM since they were limited to PlayStation game characters only. Because of this, I’m genuinely curious to see how PSM are going to manage to fill out these issues on an annual basis, and whether they’re going to have to resort to some really weird selections in hindsight. High scores for the no-brainer picks and low scores for the most baffling character selections.
  • Does the character’s personality shine through (aka, the Personality score)? It’s easy to draw a sexy woman, but it’s another thing entirely to capture that character’s personality in the image. I really love when fan art is able to communicate who that character is, so I will be giving major bonus points to any images that can pull that off.
  • Is their swimwear design interesting (aka, the Swimwear design score)? These are swimsuit issues, after all! How does each piece of swimwear look? Is its design interesting? Does it tell us something about this character, or does it just take their in-game outfit and make it more revealing?
  • Intangibles. Any positives or negatives that don’t fall into the previous categories will get mentioned here and potentially provide some bonus points as merited.

PSM Issue 35 (July 2000)

This inaugural issue of the swimsuit special (featuring Regina from Dino Crisis!) promises HOT art of your favourite Game Girls! Can they deliver…?

(Seriously, can they? I’m literally writing this before I’ve even looked at the issue. This is the sort of stream-of-conscious shit I write when I’m high.)

Yeah, this is the over-exaggerated macho writing I was expecting, but at least it acknowledges that this is intended to be tongue-in-cheek… wait a minute, what’s that last part…?

…my God.

Turtlenecks.

Okay, this article is now gonna detour as I try to find some of these uncensored images. I have to know if PSM were just edging their audience, or if they were actually hosting hentai on their website at one point…

Holy shit, guys, so I actually found the page archived on the Wayback Machine! It has all the illustrations there in fairly high quality (for image files from the year 2000 anyway). As expected, they did not post hentai on their website: the “uncensored content” amounts to a bit more sideboob on three of the images. Open them up in another tab here and then check them out after you read this article (no spoilers!).

Anyway, let’s get onto this issue’s images…

HOTNESS:
5/10
PSM sure seemed to like this one, making it their cover image and the first image in the entire article. The style’s a bit too exaggerated for my taste, but there’s one glaring flaw that spoils this for me…
Liefeld:
4/10
My God, look at her left leg. It single-handedly ruins the image for me. On top of that, her legs are twice the length of her entire upper body. Damn, right out of the gate we’re getting the deformed anatomy: not a good look, PSM!
Character selection:
7/10
Regina from Dino Crisis is a really cool pick! While the series didn’t last particularly long, she’s still remembered today and fans have been begging Capcom to resurrect the series for ages. At the time of publication, she still would have been a fairly popular character, so this gets a solid grade from me.
Personality: 4/10It’s been a long time since I played Dino Crisis, but I recall Regina being a fairly no-nonsense character. This image just looks like “generic hot girl” to me.
Swimwear design:
3/10
This “bikini” is just Regina’s in-game costume, but they snipped away portions of it so they could show more skin. That’s a pretty boring way to design a character’s swimwear in my opinion. It looks more like a superhero costume than it does a swimsuit.
Intangibles: 0/10I really hate how the T-Rex is licking its lips and giving me the “come hither” look.
HOTNESS: 9/10HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, DEAD OR ALIVE GIRLS SPOTTED!!! Yeah, that by itself was enough for me to get excited, but… I mean, just look at it! This is the level of quality that you’d want to get from a PSM swimsuit issue!
Liefeld:
7/10
I really had to look closely to nitpick this one. Kasumi’s shoulders are a bit weird, Leifang’s left leg might be a bit too long, and I have no idea what’s going on under Tina’s boobs, but I really had to pull out the magnifying glass to even notice. I’m fine with some exaggeration and stylization for this category, it’s when it comes at the detriment of the image that I start docking points.
Character selection: 10/10I see DOA girls, I immediately upvote. Also totally justified selection for the time, as Dead or Alive was fairly popular and known for its sex appeal. Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball wasn’t even a thing yet, so this particular image ended up becoming prophetic in retrospect.
Personality: 5/10Here is by far the biggest issue with the image: the mischievous looks from all three of the girls really don’t convey their personalities at all. That said, this can maybe be chalked up to there only being one Dead or Alive game released at that point, which had pretty limited story and character presentation.
Swimwear design:
8/10
In contrast to Regina’s entry, this is exactly what I’m looking for for this category. They’ve taken the colours associated with each of the girls’ main costumes and then reworked those into a unique swimsuit that feels appropriate for them.
Intangibles: 10/10I see DOA girls, I immediately upvote. You may feel that this is just my bias showing, but these categories are, as I have established previously, scientific, so therefore reality is biased in my favour. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, take it up with God.
HOTNESS: 6/10While I’m not sure I’d say that this is a particularly “hot” image, it’s certainly appealing to look at. I quite like it overall!
Liefeld:
5/10
This one is not too bad overall, but its score is cratered due to one blatant flaw: the girls’ waists are INSANELY thin, which looks very off-putting attached to their gigantic hips. If not for that, this could have been a perfect score, but it’s so obvious that it really hurts the image.
Character selection: 2/10Maybe I’m just ignorant, but I had no idea Ridge Racer even had characters, let alone ones who people would want to see in swimwear. Then again, the people who love these characters really love them. Apparently Reiko Nagase is so popular amongst fans that her replacement, Ai Fukami, only appeared in one game before going back to Reiko, because fans threw a complete tantrum over the change.
Personality: 5/10Granted, I know nothing about these characters, but they look like they’re having fun, so… 5/10?
Swimwear design:
7/10
Again, I know nothing about these characters, but I get the impression they usually just wear plainclothes, so their swimsuits here seem to be original designs. They’re cute outfits, I like them overall.
Intangibles: 5/10Having the racing girls be riding jet skis is a pretty clever idea and also adds a bit of variety to the images. That’s worth some points as far as I’m concerned.
HOTNESS: 8/10Ahh, the video game queen herself, Lara Croft was practically designed for this kind of article and looks as good as you would have hoped. The sun-drenched Egyptian skyline really sells this one. A solid enough contender, befitting The Queen.
Liefeld:
5/10
I’m a bit mixed on this image. Lara’s left boob has an odd shape to it, but my biggest issue is the skewed perspective, which makes Lara look exponentially thinner the further down her body you go. It’s distracting and makes me like this image a lot less than I would like to.
Character selection: 10/10There was no way that PSM could do a swimsuit issue in the year 2000 without Lara Croft.
Personality: 10/10They’ve really captured Lara’s personality in this image. The sass, confidence, and classiness are there. Sex appeal was baked into her character from the start, so this is an easy 10/10.
Swimwear design:
8/10
It doesn’t take a whole lot to get a decent score from me in this category. This is a very simple bikini, but it’s in Lara’s colour and feels like something I actually could see her choosing to wear.
Intangibles: 5/10I don’t know what is up with the guy with the eyepatch and gun (it appears that they’re pirates trying to board Lara’s yacht, but why does he look so weird?), but between him and Winston’s runny nose, there’s lots to look at here when you’ve gotten your eyeful of Lara.
HOTNESS: 2/10There is a lot going on with this image. On the one hand, we’ve got Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield, and Leon Kennedy representing Resident Evil! On the other hand, this image is clearly intended to be more comedic than hot. That’s fine, but it definitely costs this entry in the HOTNESS score.
Liefeld:
10/10
The first entry thus far where I’ve got no nitpicks or glaring flaws to point out – Leon, Claire, and Jill look like human beings, good job.
Character selection: 6/10While Jill and Claire were pretty much video game royalty by the year 2000, I’m not sure how much sense they make for a swimsuit issue. They’re meant to look like regular people. As a result, if you took out the zombie and the RPD logo, you probably wouldn’t even realize who these characters are supposed to be. I’ll still give a decent score since they kind of had to show up in an article about PlayStation women, but their indistinct designs lose them some points.
Personality: 8/10Leon being a sad sap, Claire being feisty, Jill being the professional voice of reason… yeah, I’d say they’re tapping into these characters’ personalities here.
Swimwear design:
3/10
The girls are just wearing more revealing versions of their official outfits… boring. It feels kind of necessary though, because without Jill’s tube top and Claire’s red shorts, there would be even less here to identify them.
Intangibles: 1/10It’s pretty funny that there’s a rotting zombie in the back, but the entire premise of the image is so weird for a swimsuit article: Claire smells the zombie and then assumes that the smell is because Leon farted. That’s… a decision, I’ll give them that.
HOTNESS:
6/10
This one is like a tale of two images. On the one hand, we’ve got a fairly generic, cutesy anime image of Rinoa, Quistis, Cloud, and Squall having fun at the beach. It’s not particularly “hot”… but then we have Tifa pasted into the foreground and, poor girl, she looks like she’s cold. If this image was just Tifa, this would be up there, but so much of the image is just plain dull and generic.
Liefeld:
7/10
So I’m not really noticing any egregious issues with this one, so that means that it’s time to nitpick. The perspective seems to be off once again, and the shadows make no sense at all, but overall this picture benefits from its simpler art style.
Character selection:
6/10
Tifa and Rinoa are timeless Final Fantasy characters, but Quistis…? I haven’t played Final Fantasy VIII, and don’t think I’ve ever even heard of her, is she that popular a character? I honestly thought that she was Aerith with her hair died blonde at first.
Personality:
2/10
I’m not really seeing anything of these characters’ personalities conveyed here, it’s just generic hot anime girl art.
Swimwear design:
4/10
Rinoa and Quistis’ outfits are kind of cute, but understated. Is Tifa even wearing swimwear? She’s basically in her official, in-game outfit.
Intangibles:
3/10
The Chocobos in the background are cute.
HOTNESS:
1/10
This image, featuring the Street Fighter girls, really falls flat when you remember the premise of the PSM swimsuit issue. Street Fighter has a lot of things that you’d expect them to hone in on (particularly Chun Li’s massive thighs and Cammy’s ass). We can’t even see Cammy’s ass at all! And Chun Li’s thighs: they’re pencil thin! On top of that, there are more Street Fighter guys than girls here! Yeah, the more I look at this image, the worse it gets.
Liefeld:
8/10
This one’s a good demonstration of the difference between an exaggerated art style and bad anatomy. There’s a lot of exaggeration here (particularly with Zangief and E. Honda), but I’m not seeing anything that looks like an outright mistake… other than Chun Li’s pencil thighs. Seriously, what the fuck were they thinking with that?
Character selection:
10/10
The girls (and guys!) of Street Fighter are iconic, so it’s a no-brainer that they’d get a spot in this issue.
Personality:
2/10
This image seems to be intended to be a more comedic take on these characters, but as a result it doesn’t really give us much to glean of their actual personalities.
Swimwear design:
2/10
This is a weird one, not because the swimsuits are necessarily bad, but because I can barely even see them. They can’t make much of an impression if you aren’t even going to show them.
Intangibles:
3/10
I’ve got to give some bonus points for including Blanka, Dhalsim, and Zangief in a swimsuit special.
HOTNESS:
6/10
This one’s clearly alluding to Baywatch and the fantasy of being rescued by a hot lifeguard. While that’s fairly hot in its own right, Meryl’s ass is doing some heavy lifting.
Liefeld:
7/10
About the only direct criticism I have of the art is that weird fold under Meryl’s boobs… but, honestly, it took me a while for my eyes to get there. Ahem.
Character selection:
7/10
This entry is literally just a grab-bag of PlayStation girls picked seemingly at random. At least we’ve got some pretty big names here: Meryl Silverburgh from Metal Gear Solid (who Snake literally remarked “had a great butt”), Aya Brea from Parasite Eve, Lian Xing from Syphon Filter (which was a huge franchise at the time), and Hana Tsu-Vachel from Fear Effect. I don’t really get why they grouped these particular girls together, but I ain’t going to complain.
Personality:
3/10
Once again, this is just generic “hot girl strikes sexy pose” art that says nothing about these characters or their personalities. Aya Brea as a hot lifeguard seems particularly weird. However… I have to give points for Meryl’s ass, not just because it’s distractingly rendered, but because it’s a pretty big plot point in Metal Gear Solid that Meryl has a great ass. That’s dedication to character right there!
Swimwear design:
5/10
I’m not really sure what they were going for with these swimsuits. On the one hand, they aren’t just “in-game costume, but more skin”. On the other hand, they don’t really seem to be particularly interesting or true to the character. I dunno, they’re fine, but I’m lukewarm on this swimwear.
Intangibles:
0/10
The big selling points of this one are the interesting character selection and Meryl’s ass… other than that, there’s not a whole lot I can say about this image.
HOTNESS:
8/10
This is about as risquรฉ as a magazine for teen boys could get in the year 2000. The entire image is meant to be an over the top juvenile fantasy… which actually kind of hurts it for me somewhat. It’s trying too hard to turn you on with the excessively-cutesy art style.
Liefeld:
10/10
I can’t really complain about this illustration being “off”. There’s no navel, which makes it a bit less hot, but this is clearly a stylistic choice rather than a mistake. Valkyrie’s face and particularly her doe-eyes feel make it feel like they’re trying a bit too hard to arouse you… but that’s not really an issue with anatomy, so top scores it is.
Character selection:
3/10
Okay, so this is where we pull back the curtain on what makes this particular entry special: Valkyrie Wilde was the subject of an April Fools joke PSM had done that same year. What was that joke, you may ask? It was a fake preview for a video game where the entire premise is that you play as… a naked woman with guns. Yeah, so this is basically just PSM’s editorial team making up their super hot fantasy OC and plastering her wherever they could. I’ll give them some credit for keeping the bit going, but man, that’s just a masturbatory uroboros.
Personality:
10/10
Valkyrie Wilde is a hot naked girl with guns. This image is of a hot naked girl with guns. They encapsulated her entire personality here flawlessly.
Swimwear design:
0/10
She’s not even wearing swimwear! I was promised HOT video game girls in BIKINIS!
Intangibles:
0/10
I already gave her bonus points for being a callback to an April Fools joke, so I don’t think she deserves even more points for the exact same thing.

All-in-all, that was a fairly interesting first issue! Quite the grab-bag of styles, characters, and quality, covering most of the major game series known for their sex appeal at the time. I’m very curious to see if PSM would push the envelope even harder next time around.

PSM Issue 47 (July 2001)

No spoilers on the cover this time, just Spider-man slinging webs and a promise of BIKINI GAME GIRLS inside. No more “uncensored” versions of the images that I can find from this point onwards. Alright, let’s see what they have in store for us…

HOTNESS:
6/10
There’s a really understated hotness to this image that I really enjoy! The girls here aren’t posing suggestively, and their swimwear is downright modest, but their enthusiasm, general attractiveness, and appealing art style make this an image I do like to look at!
Liefeld:
10/10
I don’t really have any complaints about this one. If I really want to nitpick, Elise (the blonde)’s feet don’t even look like they would be on her surfboard, but it doesn’t really hurt the image’s quality overall.
Character selection:
2/10
While SSX was a pretty big extreme sports franchise at the time, were its characters particularly notable? If the article didn’t specify that these characters were named Elise, Zoe, and Kaori, it would have been a nightmare for me to try to figure that out for myself.
Personality:
6/10
I’m running into the same problem I did with Ridge Racer where I have no idea if this is captures the characters’ personalities or not. I guess SSX is a snowboarding game, so that would naturally provide some overlap with surfing…?
Swimwear design:
6/10
Elise’s black and pink bikini top is cute, but otherwise these outfits aren’t particularly notable… that said, they do look like practical swimwear for extreme sports enthusiasts and they are also wholly original outfits. Even thought they aren’t particularly “hot” swimsuits, I’ve really got to reward that dedication to character… and all that to represent some random characters from SSX!
Intangibles:
5/10
Again, like Ridge Racer, bonus points for finding a way to incorporate SSX‘s gameplay into the image.
HOTNESS:
6/10
I think somebody at PSM has a fetish for Asian women… Even if that is the case, the large robes concealing some skin and the self-conscious expression do make this kind of hot.
Liefeld:
5/10
I didn’t really see any major issues with the anatomy here… until I noticed Samanosuke’s head. Either he has a massive head, or Kaede’s head is tiny… neither option is particularly good and kind of ruins the image for me. On further inspection, Yuki’s eyeline is also kind of weird, but that’s definitely more of a nitpick than the giant fucking head in the background.
Character selection:
3/10
A couple minor characters from Onimusha get a whole page in this year’s swimsuit special? Really? While Onimusha has never been a juggernaut franchise, this would have been around its peak in popularity, so I can kind of see why they would consider it. Still, what a weird selection in retrospect.
Personality:
3/10
Once again, I do not know these characters very well, but based on a couple long-form analyses of Onimusha I’ve watched over the years, I don’t think that this really captures the characterization of Yuki, Kaede, or Samanosuke. Someone correct me if I’m wrong.
Swimwear design:
3/10
While I do rather like the design of Yuki’s swimsuit, Kaede is literally just wearing her in-game costume. For a “sexy” swimsuit article, that’s pretty egregious, especially considering that Kaede is the more important character of the two to the narrative.
Intangibles:
0/10
The image would honestly be better if it was just Yuki, the inconsistent head sizes are an own-goal that could have easily been avoided.
HOTNESS:
6/10
Oh hey, it’s a mash-up between two of the images from last year: Lara Croft and the comedic Resident Evil illustration. Once again, this one is leaning heavy on the comedy, so while Lara and Claire’s outfits are certainly nice, sexiness isn’t really the intent here.
Liefeld:
6/10
Lara’s right hand is weirdly undefined, and her right leg looks REALLY long, but otherwise this isn’t too bad on the Liefield scale.
Character selection:
10/10
I’ve already covered these two characters, so I’ll keep this brief: yeah, they’re both PlayStation royalty. They’ve made Claire look a bit more distinctly “Claire Redfield”, so that’s also a positive.
Personality:
5/10
I had to think about this one a little bit, but does reacting with disgust at the sight of a zombie really fit Lara Croft or Claire Redfield? They’d both whip out a gun and deal with the problem I think.
Swimwear design:
8/10
Lara’s in her near-perfect bikini from last year, so she gets a passing grade for just doing what already worked. Claire’s a bit more interesting, since they actually went to some effort to give her a unique design. It uses her red and black colour motif, and I like how this one-piece suit turned out on her.
Intangibles:
0/10
As a call-back to last year’s images, I feel like this one’s a bit of a disappointment. Better than the previous Resident Evil one, but clearly inferior to the Tomb Raider image.
HOTNESS:
0/10
Man, this picture sucks, and that’s largely down to the terrible colours that make everything look like brown shit. I don’t think that the image is unsalvageable, but it needs to be completely re-coloured. Even then… it’s not a very “hot” image, now is it?
Liefeld:
8/10
As far as the Liefeld scale goes, this doesn’t look terrible… but there is some weird composition stuff here where Kaldea (the raven-haired one) has her knee poking out past Dominique (the blonde one)’s boob, which makes it look like she’s got a deformed elbow or a boob poking out. They should have differentiated the characters better or just cut that small detail out entirely.
Character selection:
0/10
So this issue, unhelpfully, does not tell you what games the characters are from, which really presents problems when PSM are commissioning drawings of characters from games like The fucking Bouncer. This was a Squaresoft JRP-beat-’em-up that released in the early PS2 lifestyle. The game had some hype behind it, but sold extremely poorly and was not received well. Sure, I’ve got the benefit of a quarter century of hindsight, but this is a baffling selection for the annual swimsuit issue.
Personality:
5/10
I haven’t played this game. Barely anybody has played this game, and many who did don’t even remember it. I had to look up some information to try to figure out if this in any way accurate. In every picture I saw of her, Echidna (the redhead) looked pissed-off, so… accurate, I guess? That said, Dominique was usually pretty happy, so… a middling score is probably right? I dunno, you’ve never played this game, so you will not be able to contradict my score.
Swimwear design:
3/10
Bleh, the swimwear here is dull. Again, the colours do not help matters at all.
Intangibles:
0/10
I’m kind of glad that this image is of The Bouncer, because if I got art like this for a series I actually cared about, I’d probably start awarding negative points.
HOTNESS:
3/10
Good God, they really fucked up Viola’s face. She’s supposed to have a pretty standard 80s anime-style adult woman look to her, but instead they’ve given her the face of a dude. Olga also does not look a thing like her Metal Gear Solid 2 counterpart and I would never guess that was supposed to be her. This image is kind of mediocre overall, but these issues really sour the image for me.
Liefeld:
5/10
Again… it’s Viola fucking this one up. Her shoulders to her neck are like a fucking stretched triangle, it just makes my issues with her face even more pronounced. If you can ignore her though, the rest of the image is pretty good.
Character selection:
5/10
Some interesting selections here for the random character grab-bag. Zone of the Enders‘ Viola makes sense: the series had a lot of hype, because it was produced by Hideo Kojima at the height of Metal Gear fever. That’s also why it makes sense that Metal Gear Solid 2‘s Olga Gurlukovich is here as well. Vikki Grimm from Army Men is a bit more of an odd pick, but when you think about it more it totally makes sense for her to show up in a swimsuit issue. She only exists in the Army Men games to add a bit of sex appeal! Konoko from Oni is the most interesting selection, not least of which being that Oni was a game developed by Bungie and published by Rockstar! A pretty obscure title here, but a really interesting inclusion!
Personality:
4/10
Where the fuck is Olga’s armpit hair, you cowards??? That’s legitimately a personality complaint, by the way, because… fuck me, I can’t believe I’m about to explain why Olga’s armpit hair tells us about her as a character… Anyway, it’s a weird, unexpected character detail that communicates that immediately communicates to the audience that she’s not just a sex doll like so many other female video game characters of the time. She’s a professional soldier who isn’t concerned with conventional beauty standards. Here, they’ve not-so-subtly danced around that and just made her “generic hot girl”.

As for the other girls, I’m not really familiar with them, but that said: Konoko’s serious expression appears to be accurate to her character, and Vikki Grimm has always been the Army Men eye candy so I guess that one works. But yeah, again, they completely fucked up Viola.
Swimwear design:
4/10
Vikki and Konoko’s swimsuits are pretty interesting, but Viola and Olga’s are much more dull… on a whole, I’d say this is a wash.
Intangibles:
0/10
I cannot really convey how badly Viola and Olga fucked over this otherwise-mediocre image’s score for me.
HOTNESS:
1/10
Oh great, the terrible colouring is back and… I mean, just look at it, this picture looks awful. Again, I’m sure this looks better as a sketch, because the piss they painted this with completely ruins the image.
Liefeld:
5/10
Hana’s proportions look like they might be off, but my main complaint is that the hands just look weird… Oh God, and Hana’s bikini disappearing behind her neck just reveals that she was born on Kamino, because that neck is LONG and SKINNY.
Character selection:
8/10
Fear Effect is one of those series that wasn’t super popular, but was still known for its sexiness, so Hana and Rain are actually pretty cool selections.
Personality:
1/10
The characters’ expressions here tell us nothing of their personalities. They look downright bored.
Swimwear design:
1/10
God, this whole image sucks.
Intangibles:
0/10
All I can think while looking at this image is that it looks like a B-grade high school art submission.
HOTNESS:
4/10
Once again, I’m not a fan of the colouring, but for once this is for stylistic reasons rather than looking like utter ass. I’m just not a fan of the harsh shadows and highlights, it makes the image look unpleasant (which isn’t what you want from an image aiming to look hot).
Liefeld:
5/10
Man, this particular image feels like something Rob Liefeld would draw. That said, this doesn’t look too bad, except that Sarah Bryant’s spine is broken and so is… whoever the purple-haired lady is. I legitimately do not know who that’s supposed to be. I checked the Virtua Fighter character roster and couldn’t find her, so I think that it’s just the artist’s OC.
Character selection:
5/10
Virtua Fighter has never really been the most popular fighter on consoles, but I think that its characters would have been just relevant enough to earn its place in this issue.
Personality:
6/10
So I don’t know a whole lot about Virtua Fighter, but the differing expressions and poses do give you some insight into the girls’ different personalities, so I think that deserves some points.
Swimwear design:
4/10
Pai’s pink bikini is very cute, but there’s not a whole lot we can glean from the others’. Dural’s black bikini is a tad uninteresting, and Sarah and Aoi’s are hidden enough that they don’t leave an impression on me.
Intangibles:
0/10
I legitimately don’t understand why the illustrator threw in a dancing alien and what I can only assume is somebody’s OC making a cameo.
HOTNESS:
1/10
I’m not even sure if this is meant to be a part of the swimsuit collection or not (there’s a full-page ad for a goddamn Gundam game separating it from everything else). Suffice to say, this is a comedy image, so unless you’re into blue beast men, there’s nothing arousing about it.
Liefeld:
9/10
Tidus’ arm musculature is a bit weird looking, but otherwise this is very solid artwork.
Character selection:
0/10
So this one actually gets a 0/10 from me for two reasons:
1) Yuna’s 17 years old… She’s not being sexualized in this image, but it sure is sus…
2) They got a Final Fantasy X swimsuit issue commission and didn’t even include Lulu in it! Travesty!
Personality:
7/10
Tidus is laughing.
Swimwear design:
3/10
Oh, is there swimwear in this picture? It’s so far away that I couldn’t see it.
Intangibles:
7/10
While this picture is just terrible for a series about HOT girls in BIKINIS, it is a pretty solid piece in its own right that’s full of personality, so I’ll throw it some bonus points.

Man… this was a really underwhelming issue. Were PSM intentionally trying to tone things down after going about as hard as they could get away with in the inaugural swimsuit issue? I’m not sure, but here’s hoping that the next year’s images improve matters…

PSM Issue 61 (August 2002)

Oof, it’s always interesting when you see a gaming magazine hyping up a game that’s going to go on to be a notorious disaster (in this case, Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness, generally considered the nadir of the franchise). Oh and what’s this?

You’re promising A LOT here, PSM, and I doubt you can follow-through on that…

HOTNESS:
10/10
PSM are actually bringing their A-game out of the gate this time. I think that most of us can agree that this is pretty damn hot.
Liefeld:
9/10
Lara’s head and body seem to have a slightly different skin tone, but that’s me nitpicking so much that it’s not even an anatomy issue, it’s a colouration one.
Character selection:
10/10
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s Lara Croft. You’d be asking where she was if she wasn’t in the annual swimsuit issue.
Personality:
7/10
While Lara’s personality doesn’t shine through quite as much as it did in her first iteration, the location and props really go a long way to selling the idea of Lara as an adventuresome noblewoman.
Swimwear design:
10/10
As much as I liked Lara’s bikini in the first swimsuit issue, I’m glad they tried something new this time around, and they absolutely knocked it out of the park. This gem-studded number just radiates the classy opulence of Lara Croft.
Intangibles:
10/10
I don’t really have much else to say about this one. If you are committed to making a video game girls swimsuit issue, then this is the level of quality that you are wanting all your commissions to meet (and probably costs a lot to commission, which would be why we don’t have many of this quality).
HOTNESS:
0/10
OH FOR FUCK SAKES! Not only is 17-year-old Yuna in this pic, but so is 15-year-old Rikku. I ain’t risking a visit from the Feds, so 0/10 HOTNESS, officer.
Liefeld:
5/10
I ain’t studying these minors’ anatomy enough to identify whether there’s an issue with them so… middling score?
Character selection:
1/10
Look, I’ll give one point here entirely down to them including Lulu this time, but… for fuck sakes, I can see them not realizing that Yuna is 17, but Rikku looks underage. What the fuck were they thinking?
Personality:
1/10
Based on my brief glance of the image, this just looks like generic hot girl pose stuff.
Swimwear design:
1/10
They’re all just wearing a more revealing version of their in-game costumes…
Intangibles:
10/10
Look, I’ve got to give this image some credit because, again, they actually included Lulu this time. Crop the rest of the image out and she could carry this entry on her own – she looks that good!
HOTNESS:
3/10
So the bodies and poses in this image are actually pretty hot, but fucking hell the faces are derpy, which ruins the entire image. It’s clearly a conscious, stylistic choice by illustrator Ryan Kinnaird, but I can’t stand how it looks.
Liefeld:
6/10
Ignoring the faces (since they’re not a mistake), Pellegri (the blonde)’s shoulders are hunched forward in a way that looks really awkward to maintain.
Character selection:
2/10
KOS-MOS, Shion, and Pellegri from Xenosaga are such a weird selection – it was a brand IP whose first game hadn’t even been localized yet, so most PSM readers would have no idea who these characters were. Between this, The Bouncer, Zone of the Enders, and Onimusha, I really get the sense that there was someone high-up at PSM obsessed with relatively obscure Japanese franchises and forcing them to appear in each year’s swimsuit commissions.
Personality:
4/10
I know nothing about Xenosaga, but as far as I can tell, this just looks like generic hot girl poses.
Swimwear design:
6/10
While I don’t know much about these characters, their swimwear at least lives up to the goal of looking alluring. Maybe not the smallest bikinis, but they’re a bit more revealing than what we’ve seen in the past from PSM.
Intangibles:
0/10
I can’t get over those faces.
HOTNESS:
4/10
While this image suffers from a lack of detail, I do really like how it captures the look of an underwater photograph. That at least makes this image really enjoyable to pour over.
Liefeld:
10/10
Any potential issues can be chalked up to the intentionally-skewed perspective of the “camera”. As a result, I have zero complaints to level.
Character selection:
3/10
Like the previous Onimusha swimsuit commission, it seems really weird to me that they would choose a character like Oyu for an entire entry in this year’s issue.
Personality:
0/10
Look… you can’t even tell this is supposed to be Oyu from Onimusha 2. She could be literally any dark-haired woman in fiction.
Swimwear design:
3/10
This outfit is… fine, I guess? Not particularly interesting or something that feels fitting on this character.
Intangibles:
5/10
I do think that this image deserves some extra points for the unique perspective it brings. This is a pretty mediocre image overall, but the pose and lighting really bring it to life.
HOTNESS:
10/10
So many of these swimsuit commissions have been safe, conventional, submissive, hot girl fantasies. Trish doesn’t deviate too hard from that, but there are hints of a “bad girl” here: the motorcycle, the black leather, the way she looks down on you… Yeah, this one is legitimately enticing.
Liefeld:
10/10
I’ve got no complaints. If anything, her anatomy is more realistic here than it is in some of her official arts.
Character selection:
10/10
Trish showing up in the 2002 swimsuit issue is a no-brainer: the game was massive, and she was such an iconic sex symbol that she appears in silhouette in the game’s logo.
Personality:
5/10
I actually do think that the outfit, motorcycle, pose, etc in this image do capture some of Trish’s personality. It’s too bad that they drew her in a generic anime art style though, it makes it nearly impossible to tell that it’s supposed to be her. You could tell me that this image could be literally any blonde, buxom video game girl and I’d probably believe you.
Swimwear design:
5/10
I’m mixed on this one. Black is obviously Trish’s colour, but the actual swimwear doesn’t work for me. However, the accessories she’s decked out in make her outfit so much more interesting than the actual bikini.
Intangibles:
3/10
I don’t really have a whole lot more to say about this particular picture: it’s really good, and I like that it’s hitting some different notes than most of the other illustrations in these articles. Most of that’s covered in the other categories though, so I can’t really justify many bonus points.
HOTNESS:
6/10
Oh hey, the main girls of Virtua Fighter are back, and this time they’ve brought some friends from Tekken. Sure, this is mostly just “generic hot girl” art, but having them posed on beach towels does give the image some interesting novelty.
Liefeld:
5/10
Most of my complaints here relate to Pai Chan. Her pose causes her torso to look compressed, her head is twisted in a way that makes her look like she has no neck, and she has no butt whatsoever. The others are mostly fine, although their lower-halves seem to be a bit too small compared to their upper halves.
Character selection:
4/10
Were the girls of Virtua Fighter ever popular enough to warrant back-to-back appearances in the PSM swimsuit issue? It’s nice to see them give some Tekken representation at least.
Personality:
0/10
This is just generic hot girl art. Making matters worse, Sarah looks absolutely nothing like she’s supposed to.
Swimwear design:
5/10
I quite like Christie and Julia’s unique and personalized outfits, but Sarah and Pai’s are just generic bikinis. This one’s a wash for me.
Intangibles:
4/10
I’ll give some bonus points for this image being the first two-page spread, so we get more room to pour over the finer details.
HOTNESS:
4/10
I know I keep saying this, but this image is just generic anime hot girl stuff, with a bit of comedy thrown in. It’s not terrible, not not particularly arousing. Apparently I’m just a snobby wanker.
Liefeld:
10/10
No real concerns, my only complaints are all stylistic rather than mistakes.
Character selection:
0/10
Fucking Maximo??? The game was fairly well received at the time and sold well enough to be a Greatest Hits title… but still, fucking Maximo??? I had no idea that there even were women in the damn game.
Personality:
0/10
This image is so generic that it legitimately looks like they pasted the girls’ heads onto stock “sexy” bodies.
Swimwear design:
2/10
I was going to give some points for Mamba Marie’s costume at least getting across that she’s a Conan-style fighter… but then I found out that she’s literally just wearing her in-game outfit (so is Sephonie, the generic brunette on the right side of the image). Sophia and Aurora Lee are both wearing more revealing versions of their in-game costumes, and I can’t even see Lenore’s outfit. All-in-all, very uninspired stuff.
Intangibles:
5/10
I’ll give some bonus points for the comedy of Maximo getting his armour knocked off and his underwear stolen.
HOTNESS:
3/10
This is another one of those cases where the original sketch was probably pretty good, but the end result is absolutely botched by the colouring. While there are parts that I like (Tracey, the brunette at the top, looks pretty cute), everything just feels a bit too indistinct.
Liefeld:
2/10
Oh my God, look at Leeann (the middle one)’s head: it’s so lopsided. Elise (the blonde) also has a couple issues. Her sexy pose makes it look like she’s gonna fall into the water at any moment, her bikini top strap goes over her left shoulder really awkwardly, and she has literally no neck.
Character selection:
0/10
Man, PSM were really scraping the bottom of the barrel for this issue. I’ve at least heard of every game thus far and could understand why someone would include them in this list, but Tracey from SledStorm? Leeann from Freestyle? I’ve literally never heard of these games. Elise from SSX Tricky makes a bit more sense, but she was also in last year’s issue! Are SSX‘s characters so good as to warrant back-to-back swimsuit special appearances???
Personality:
5/10
Sports girls like doing sports, I guess?
Swimwear design:
6/10
For what it’s worth, at least all the swimwear in this image are really cute!
Intangibles:
0/10
Everything about this commission feels kind of half-assed. I think even PSM were just trying to fill some page space with this one.

This issue came out swinging with Lara Croft, but every subsequent art piece (aside from Trish) was quite disappointing. I was promised the SMALLEST bikinis, but they failed to deliver! I don’t think I can ever trust again! I’m starting to think that the whole “HOT video game girls in BIKINIS” promise is just a joke to sell magazines to 13-year-old nerds…

PSM Issue 72 (June 2003)

…mother of God. I’ve been burned before, but it looks like PSM might be swinging for the fences with this swimsuit issue. I’m promised 11 pages of “our HOTTEST pictures EVER”, and if this cover is any indication, they might be able to pull that off (ahem).

HOTNESS:
4/10
Holy shit. Look, Dead or Alive has the reputation for being the titty fighter, but I’ve always considered Soulcalibur to be low-key the fighting game with the most egregious fan service (at least amongst the mainstream publishers). That’s right on display here (just like Ivy’s ass). Yeah, this is exactly the sort of piece that you’d want to see out of a video game girls swimsuit issue.

That said, Talim (the girl on the left) is also in this image and she’s only 15… Her inclusion here is very questionable… but she’s also presented the most tastefully? I dunno, you can draw a picture of a 15 year old in a swimsuit as long as you’re not fucking them with the camera, but this is so sus that I’m halving the points that I would have given otherwise.
Liefeld:
8/10
About my only complaint here is that the faces look like they were done separately from the bodies, and Ivy’s left shoulder looks a little off. Let’s be honest though, you’re staring at Ivy and Taki’s assets, there’s no way you’re even noticing that. Oh and Ivy’s bikini appears to be lopsided too for no discernable reason.
Character selection:
7/10
See my previous comment about Soulcalibur‘s fan service. Soulcalibur II was a 100% guaranteed inclusion in this year’s swimsuit special (and, for what it’s worth, Ivy and Taki’s outfits are actually less egregious than the stuff they wear in official art). Again though… gotta shave some points off for including Talim at all, because seriously: what the fuck, PSM? Seong Mi-na and Sophitia were right fucking there waiting to be used!
Personality:
2/10
Soulcalibur goes a long way to fleshing out its story and characters, to the point where they all have fairly distinctive personalities and goals… none of that comes across here, this is just a boyhood sexy harem fantasy. I guess I’ll give a couple points for Ivy being mostly-naked like she is in-game?
Swimwear design:
6/10
They’ve got each girls’ signature colours down pat, so that’s a plus. Talim’s swimwear is basically just a more revealing version of her in-game outfit, but the other three are more distinctive. Ivy’s in particular takes inspiration from her Soulcalibur II outfit without outright repeating it, so that earns some points for sure. There’s a spread on these ones, but I think that they’re pretty good overall.
Intangibles:
6/10
Crop out Talim and this is easily one of the best entries in the history of PSM’s swimsuit specials. A great crossroads of iconic characters and appropriately alluring, high-quality art, all set to a unique and exotic backdrop!
HOTNESS:
5/10
While this isn’t the most exciting image in the world, it sure is HOT video game girls in BIKINIS… so I guess that’s the bare minimum we can expect?
Liefeld:
5/10
Sun Shang Xiang (the one in orange) has a humpback it seems. Ayame, on the other hand, has something weird going on where her leg connects to her ass cheek… did they think that a realistic thigh would make her look too fat or some bullshit?
Character selection:
4/10
If you had to pick a Dynasty Warriors girl for a video game swimsuit issue in 2003, then Sun Shang Xiang is the obvious choice… but the fact that she’s here at all is still an odd choice. This would have been the height of Dynasty Warriors‘ popularity, but even then the series wasn’t really known for its sexy ladies. Ditto with Ayame, Tenchu: Wrath of Heaven had a mixed reception and was a pretty niche title.
Personality:
10/10
I haven’t played Tenchu, so I don’t know exactly what Ayame’s personality is like, but this image really gets across a fearsome and competitive personality, which the Tenchu Wiki describes for her. Sun Shang Xiang, on the other side, has always been more of a playful and cheerful character, so I’d say that the image captures their contrasting personalities well!
Swimwear design:
5/10
While these two swimsuits do match the characters’ signature colours, their designs are just not that interesting to me. Definitely a your-mileage-may-vary situation though.
Intangibles:
1/10
This might just be the most “average” image in the entire series.
HOTNESS:
4/10
Oh for fuck sakes, more art by Ryan Kinnaird… I’m sorry, I just do not find this art style appealing, especially with the way that he does their faces. In spite of that, Trish is still kind of hot through sheer force of sex appeal.
Liefeld:
10/10
I don’t notice any egregious anatomy issues, but I also don’t want to look at this goddamn picture any more than I have to.
Character selection:
6/10
So Trish was a no-brainer for the 2002 issue, but I’m kind of surprised to see her return in 2003 as well. I guess there was just a lot of lingering hype for Devil May Cry 2 at the time? If that’s the case, then Lucia also makes sense here.
Personality:
4/10
I… guess…? It resembles their personalities, but I can barely even tell that these characters are supposed to be Trish and Lucia at all.
Swimwear design:
4/10
Kinky, b-movie alien bikinis wasn’t something I was expecting to see in this article, but here we are. Two of the more overtly revealing bikinis in this entire series, but wasted on an image I don’t even want to look at.
Intangibles:
0/10
I’m sorry Ryan, you’re probably a chill dude, but I just do not like your art.
HOTNESS:
5/10
Lara’s back once again and, despite appearing here in a wet t-shirt, this image feels underwhelming. This time, it’s because they made the stylistic choice to not outline her arms, so they seem to disappear into her body. It makes her look like a fleshy blob abomination until you take a closer look. A few more black lines, and this would be significantly better.
Liefeld:
6/10
wait a minute, is that supposed to be fucking camel toe!??!!!?
Character selection:
10/10
Lara Croft was still a video game goddess in 2003, it would be weird if she didn’t appear for the third consecutive year.
Personality:
10/10
Yeah, that sure looks like Lara Croft. Even having her slaughtering wildlife is totally in-character, even if it’s a baffling thing to include in a swimsuit issue.
Swimwear design:
7/10
This looks like an outfit you might expect to see Lara Croft wear in-game during the Core Design era. The wet t-shirt is a nice touch too.
Intangibles:
0/10
This is a weird one, but definitely feels worse due to being a poor showing from the Queen.
HOTNESS:
4/10
This image is trying so fucking hard to be sexy and provocative. Unfortunately, reeking of desperation makes this image so much less appealing.
Liefeld:
3/10
Zoom in on Kitana (the brunette on the right)’s right boob. What the actual fuck is going on with it!? Her face appears to be lop-sided as well. Also, take a look at Frost (the blue-haired on the left)’s left leg: it’s fucking gigantic.
Character selection:
2/10
Look, let’s be honest with ourselves here: for all its popularity, Mortal Kombat isn’t really known for its sexy girls (and this is in spite of them having some ridiculously revealing outfits. Sonya Blade and Kitana would have been the franchise’s most notable sex symbols in 2003, but they are well below other female fighters in terms of popularity and attractiveness. Add on top of that that Mortal Kombat was at its nadier after Mythologies: Sub Zero, MK4, Special Forces, and Advance and it seems really weird that they’d get a two-page spread after all that. Granted, Mortal Kombat has enough general popularity that it makes sense that they’d get some representation, but still, there are far more deserving games in 2003 that could have gotten a look in.
Personality:
0/10
This is generic sexy girl poses and nothing else. If you made me guess which franchise these characters were from, I would not in a million years have guessed Mortal Kombat. This looks like a magical girl manga, not Mortal Kombat.
Swimwear design:
5/10
While I appreciate that there was clearly thought put into each of these outfits, none of them are particularly interesting at the end of the day.
Intangibles:
0/10
For a two-page spread, this one’s pretty underwhelming.
HOTNESS:
2/10
Oh my fucking God, AGAIN Ryan!?! Let me re-iterate: I am looking at these images one at a time. I didn’t know that I was going to be seeing so much Ryan Kinnaird art when I started writing this. Was the guy just cheaper to commission? Was he easy for PSM to work with? Why does he show up this often?
Liefeld:
10/10
I hate the faces, obviously, but at least I don’t see any notable issues with her anatomy.
Character selection:
5/10
After the first game bombed, Zone of the Enders was already a damn-near forgotten franchise at this point. Still, there was some lingering cult popularity back in 2003, so it’s not a terrible choice. Maybe PSM were trying to drum up some interest in the franchise?
Personality:
5/10
I know nothing about Ken so… a 5/10?
Swimwear design:
7/10
While the other two schlock sci-fi bikinis Ryan did this same issue were a bit too silly for my tastes, I actually like how he’s gone about designing Ken’s bikini. The red chrome evokes imagery of expensive sports cars, which actually makes the image more alluring. Too bad it’s wasted on a Ryan Kinnaird art, but it certainly bumps the score up at least.
Intangibles:
0/10
This image is improved ten-fold if you just crop it off at Ken’s chin.
HOTNESS:
10/10
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but my fighting game of choice before Dead or Alive was Soulcalibur. While Sophitia has always been my favourite, her sister, Cassandra, is exceptionally attractive too. For an art piece of HOT video game girls in BIKINIS, this is a fucking masterpiece.
Liefeld:
7/10
My only complaint is that Cassandra’s spine looks like it’s detached from her neck, but you have to be actively looking at something other than her ass to notice that.
Character selection:
10/10
While not the most obvious choice in the world, Cassandra is one of those characters where you see them in a swimsuit issue and go “man, what a great inclusion!” Giving her an entire page to herself is also fantastic, too many of these commissions end up feeling crowded.
Personality:
7/10
Cassandra is a committed, fierce, courageous, and confident character, which I feel is communicated here with this pose and expression. Then again, this could also be seen as “generic sexy pose” and it’s a happy accident that they’ve executed that in a way that seems like something you could see Cassandra doing. I think it’s worth points regardless.
Swimwear design:
10/10
It’s perfect, I don’t know what else to say.
Intangibles:
10/10
This is a great piece, full-stop, and deserves every point I throw at it.
HOTNESS:
5/10
Okay, is PSM just trolling me at this point? Not only is this another piece featuring Ryan Kinnaird, but it’s of the exact same Xenosaga girls we got last year?
Liefeld:
9/10
There’s a little weirdness going on here, but nothing particularly noteworthy.
Character selection:
0/10
No. Having Xenosaga in 2002 was already a questionable selection, but having them be in back-to-back swimsuit issues when Dead or Alive was one-and-done despite being at the height of its popularity is just fucking bullshit. Another Ridge Racer image would have made more sense than this.
Personality:
5/10
I have no idea, so 5/10.
Swimwear design:
4/10
More sci-fi bikinis… ehh, having them be held together with arcing energy just seems silly.
Intangibles:
0/10
Credit where it’s due, at least I can stand looking at this Xenosaga image. And Shion’s pose is pretty cute.
HOTNESS:
5/10
Oh hey, at least we can see the Street Fighter girls this time… too bad it’s on a pretty mediocre image.
Liefeld:
10/10
I’m not noticing any obvious anatomical issues.
Character selection:
9/10
I’ll be honest, I have never even heard of Sakura. However, that’s kind of irrelevant, because Street Fighter‘s Chun Li and Cammy are video game goddesses who could show up in every PSM swimsuit issue like Lara Croft and no one would question it.
Personality:
0/10
This is just generic sexy girl poses.
Swimwear design:
4/10
While the swimsuits do seem like something each character would wear, they’re not particularly interesting.
Intangibles:
0/10
The fact that I barely prefer this to the previous Street Fighter image (where you couldn’t even see the girls) is a damning praise.

Okay, yeah, that issue was definitely a big step up from the last couple years, even with the Ryan Kinnaird overload. Let’s see if PSM can keep the quality up in the final two swimsuit specials…

PSM Issue 86 (July 2004)

Oh… PSM were really playing down this year’s swimsuit special, eh? A small, undescriptive headline, and muted promises of “fun in the sun” rather than “HOT video game women in BIKINIS!” Were PSM’s editors starting to grow embarrassed with the tradition, or are they just trying to set expectations to a more reasonable level? Let’s find out…

HOTNESS:
7/10
Honestly, after all the trolling Ryan Kinnaird has done to me thus far, I was not expecting to see him put out a piece that’s actually pretty good. Amazing what you can do when you actually put some effort into the face!
Liefeld:
7/10
Chun Li’s left eyebrow is very skewed and lop-sided. She’s also got no belly-button, but that’s clearly a stylistic choice. Nothing too severe I’d say.
Character selection:
10/10
It’s Chun Li, we’ve gone over this: girl’s up there with Lara Croft amongst video game girl royalty.
Personality:
0/10
This is just generic sexy girl posing.
Swimwear design:
7/10
This is actually a pretty interesting one for me. I love the design of the swimsuit: it really fits the visual language you’d expect from Chun Li. However, she usually is associated with blue, not red, but I like how this has turned out regardless. Pretty damn solid, I’d say. (Note: there actually is a blue version of this image that I’ve seen floating around, but I like that they chose to go with red; it’s definitely the bolder choice!)
Intangibles:
6/10
I think Ryan deserves some “BRAVO!” bonus points after all the shit I’ve given him up to this point.
HOTNESS:
6/10
I’ve never played a Jak & Daxter game, so I’m not really familiar with these characters. That said, this is image is suggestive in all the right ways, which makes it hotter than the images that are trying way too hard to be appealing.
Liefeld:
5/10
Ashelin’s face is shaped like a goddamn comma. Keira’s better, but good God that thigh gap. Her hips are wider than her shoulders too!
Character selection:
6/10
I mean… sure, I guess? Jak & Daxter was one of the biggest PS2-exclusive franchises in 2004, so I guess it makes sense that some characters from it would show up here? That said, it also was never really known for sex appeal, so still kind of weird at the end of the day.
Personality:
5/10
I know nothing about these characters… so 5/10.
Swimwear design:
6/10
Keira’s swimsuit is pretty cute, and the button-up shirt she’s wearing makes it even cuter.
Intangibles:
0/10
I famously hate elves (don’t tell me they’re humans, Jak Wiki, they’re fucking elves).
HOTNESS:
4/10
Oh Ryan, just when I was starting to warm up to you, you reminded me why I disliked your art style in the first place. This is actually extra insulting to me, because Bloodrayne is a franchise all about sex appeal, so it feels like it’s getting squandered with this image.
Liefeld:
5/10
Oh my fucking God, what is wrong with her right foot??? I’m trying to imagine the contortion she would have to subject herself to to wear that boot.
Character selection:
9/10
Majesco were on a hard marketing push in 2004 to make Bloodrayne 2 a success. The first game was a disaster, but Rayne’s eye-catching design had won her some fans, so having her appear here in the 2004 swimsuit issue is a very obvious decision.
Personality:
8/10
Rayne is not a very complicated character: she’s an sexy vampire killer for edgy boys, and I’d say that this image gets that across quite well.
Swimwear design:
5/10
This is just Rayne’s in-game outfit, but more revealing. That said… still a pretty hot outfit, not gonna lie.
Intangibles:
0/10
Fun fact, only three months later, Rayne would bare her boobs in the pages of Playboy, rendering this mediocre art of a HOT video game girl in a BIKINI completely redundant for titillation.
HOTNESS:
5/10
This sure is an image of HOT video game girls in BIKINIS frolicking at the beach.
Liefeld:
10/10
I’m not seeing any obvious issues with the anatomy this time.
Character selection:
5/10
Okay, so Chun Li and Cammy are video game royalty, but are the girls of Street Fighter so iconic that they deserved four whole pages to themselves in the 2004 PSM swimsuit issue…? Sure, Soulcalibur had three pages last year, but those were all of different girls, and the release of Soulcalibur II was arguably the peak of the franchise’s popularity. Meanwhile, this image has Chun Li again… I think even Lara Croft would be pushing it to appear twice in one swimsuit issue.
Personality:
3/10
I actually thought that this was a Final Fantasy image at first glance… I guess Chun Li and Ibuki are identifiable, but Cammy is unrecognizable for such an iconic character.
Swimwear design:
3/10
Ehh, that is some pretty generic swimwear.
Intangibles:
0/10
Another one of those “perfectly acceptable” swimsuit issue commissions, but nothing more than that.
HOTNESS:
1/10
Holy fucking shit, do I really need to explain why I hate this one? This Slenderman-esque take on Nina Williams is exaggerated to the point of looking idiotic.
Liefeld:
0/10
This legitimately looks like what you’d expect to see from a 13 year old boy’s create-a-character wank-material: maxed out the boob and hip sliders and as little clothing as possible.
Character selection:
8/10
If you are going to put a Tekken girl in your swimsuit special, then Nina is the obvious choice. It especially makes sense here since her solo spin-off game, the notorious Death By Degrees, was due out the next year. As a result, there would have actually been some hype around her in particular in 2004.
Personality:
8/10
While there’s basically nothing to identify that this is THE Nina Williams, the image at least gets across her cold and ruthless personality.
Swimwear design:
2/10
That’s about the most generic bikini I’ve ever seen.
Intangibles:
0/10
This is easily one of my least favourite commissions in this entire series.
HOTNESS:
3/10
Oh hey, it’s another Adam Warren/Ryan Kinnaird collaboration (we’ve even got another sci-fi bikini!). GOD they are trying so hard to make Nova look sexy, to the image’s detriment.
Liefeld:
7/10
My main complaint here is Nova’s arm placement in the top-left picture. Try posing the way that Nova is posed there. Her left arm must be scrunched really awkwardly (maybe even painfully) behind her to make that kind of pose.
Character selection:
6/10
There’s an interesting story behind this one. The magazine does not tell you who the hell Nova is or what game she comes from, so I was wracking my brain trying to figure it out. After doing some digging, I eventually realized that this is the main character from StarCraft: Ghost, the notorious StarCraft console shooter spin-off that went into prolonged development hell before finally being cancelled. So, on the one hand, I can see why she’d be included here, since hype would have been through the roof for this game. On the other hand, it’s a pretty poor choice in retrospect.
Personality:
0/10
Something tells me that Nova was not going to spend StarCraft: Ghost making “fuck me now” faces.
Swimwear design:
2/10
I don’t get this obsession with sci-fi bikinis, much less one that’s “tacti-cool”.
Intangibles:
1/10
They were trying so hard to make Nova look attractive, so the fact that she ghosted us all makes this funny in retrospect.
HOTNESS:
5/10
I said it before and I’ll say it again: someone at PSM clearly had a thing for Asian women. As far as these HOT images of video game girls in BIKINIS go, this is fairly middle of the road.
Liefeld:
6/10
What the hell is going on with Ayame’s left arm and shoulder!?
Character selection:
3/10
Ayame from Tenchu was in last year’s special, and the series was already on its decline in popularity by 2004, so this is a very questionable choice (that I can only quantify with my previous thoughts about an editor forcing their favourites into every issue). As for Kurenai from Red Ninja and Hibana from Nightshade, I’ve never even heard of these games. A Red Ninja selection actually makes some sense to appear here though: the entire gimmick of that game was that you played a kunoichi who could get a “seduction kill” on enemies. This was done by flirting with them suggestively to lure them in for an instant execution. That’s fucking bonkers; too bad the game was a janky mess by most accounts.
Personality:
3/10
I’m not gleaning much personality from this picture, it just looks like generic sexy poses.
Swimwear design:
3/10
So the swimwear here is pretty uninteresting to me, with one exception: why the hell does every girl have a rope-tied bikini bottom…? Is that just a stereotypical kunoichi thing? Is it some typical Asian-women fetish thing? They had the exact same type of bikini bottom of Ayame last year, so it clearly means something. Seriously, someone explain this to me, because it’s starting to concern me!
Intangibles:
5/10
I’ll give some bonus points for having this be set in a sauna, it gives the image some thematic flair. The peeking ninjas are also kind of funny.

Wait… that’s it? Yeah, there are only seven images in this year’s swimsuit issue (the previous three issues had nine, eight, eight, and nine, respectively). Granted, this is because there are more two-page spreads and all the others are full-page images, but still… this was a really underwhelming issue. When a Ryan Kinnaird commission is your highlight for the year, you know that the bar for quality got lowered. The character choices were pretty poor (Lara didn’t even show up this year!), there were no show-stopper images… was PSM’s heart not in it anymore? Or was their budget getting stretched thin…?

I’ve got a bad feeling about the final issue of the swimsuit special…

PSM Issue 101 (September 2005)

How the times change in only a few years. This was by far the hardest swimsuit issue to find, because not only was it released after the summer was over, but they don’t even advertise it on the cover. It seems pretty clear by this point that somebody in charge was either ashamed of the whole affair, or they were doing it entirely out of obligation by 2005. They claim in the editor’s blurb that “this is our best ever” swimsuit issue. I’m sitting here writing this having not seen any of these images yet: I don’t believe them. I’m fully expecting to end this series on a dull note. Let’s see if my instincts are on-point…

HOTNESS:
8/10
As we have come to expect, the near-anual Lara Croft image is pretty damn hot (the gun holster tan-line is pretty damn funny too)!
Liefeld:
7/10
Lara’s body is borderline contorted and her right boob is notably larger than her left one, but those are pretty nit-picky complaints.
Character selection:
10/10
It’s Lara Croft: if anything it’s weird that she didn’t appear in the 2004 swimsuit special. It seems that year off was due to Angel of Darkness bombing, but that hasn’t stopped PSM from including much more questionable characters in these pages…
Personality:
6/10
While this is a pretty funny image, it doesn’t really capture Lara Croft’s confident and sassy personality, does it?
Swimwear design:
8/10
The simple but perfect Lara bikini is back. Complaining that they aren’t even trying to top perfection seems petty.
Intangibles:
8/10
Man, people were really sour on Lara Croft after Angel of Darkness, eh? Glad to see her back again for the finale.
HOTNESS:
3/10
Oh look… it’s our old friend… I actually don’t mind the Ada half of this image: his art has improved and it’s the most outright, over-the-top sexualized any Ryan Kinnaird image has gotten to this point. However, the Leon/Ashley half just kills it, because… I mean, just look at them. Leon looks like a fucking human-coloured crocodile and Ashley looks like she stepped out of a pulp serial novel.
Liefeld:
0/10
This is textbook Rob Liefeld stuff.
Character selection:
6/10
Resident Evil 4 would have already been a year old when this came out, but I guess that the release of the PS2 port would be reason enough to earn it a spot (especially considering how massive this game was on release).
Personality:
3/10
Ashley is scared throughout Resident Evil 4, has to rely on Leon to protect her, AND tries to fuck Leon… in spite of that, I think this image is terrible at communicating what Ashley is like. Here she looks like his vapid, seductive sex doll, but that’s not the case at all. Ada, as a femme fatale, should be pretty easy to do right, but even she comes across as generic. Really poor showing here.
Swimwear design:
4/10
Okay, I’ll admit that the “4” on Ada’s bikini is kind of a cool touch… that’s about the only thing I find notable here though.
Intangibles:
0/10
Leon’s abs have more layers than an ogre.
HOTNESS:
8/10
While I usually do not find Adam Warren’s cutesy art style to be particularly alluring, he’s giving 110% here to accomplish it anyway. This is definitely one of the most suggestive swimsuit images in the entire run of PSM, but the cutesy art style keeps it from feeling tacky or excessive.
Liefeld:
10/10
The art style is so minimalist that I don’t think Adam could screw up Rayne’s anatomy if he tried.
Character selection:
5/10
Rayne was fresh off of two poorly received video games, that embarrassing Playboy article, and the upcoming film was coming out when Uwe Boll was already known for making terrible movies, so it was clearly going to bomb as well. By this point it was obviously Rayne was never going to be the next big female video game star, so it does feel a little odd that they’d commission art of her two years in a row.
Personality:
7/10
While this does look like something that Majesco themselves would release to advertise Bloodrayne, I do feel like it’s notably missing her sarcastic and aggressive attitude. Still, it captures enough of Rayne’s characterization that I can’t be that harsh on it.
Swimwear design:
6/10
This swimwear looks very fitting for a character like Rayne.
Intangibles:
10/10
Major bonus points for making this work with the limited colour palette!
HOTNESS:
7/10
Oh hey Ryan. You did a pretty good job this time, this is almost on-par with your Chun Li piece!
Liefeld:
7/10
Her upper-right thigh looks a bit strange…
Character selection:
5/10
Oh my God they did it again! Apparently they were already concerned that StarCraft: Ghost might get canceled, but they were putting this commission out there to will it into existence.
Personality:
5/10
The game never came out, how am I supposed to know Nova’s personality in StarCraft: Ghost?
Swimwear design:
7/10
Congrats Ryan, you got to make a sci-fi bikini that looks interesting.
Intangibles:
5/10
The dramatic irony of PSM stating that “we were worried for a bit, but it looks like StarCraft: Ghost is guaranteed to come out now!”
HOTNESS:
0/10
From what I can find, Rin from Tenchu is 14 years old (and looks it). What the actual fuck PSM? This opens up a whole can of worms for how you assess this image: is Rin being sexualized here? Maybe, but I don’t think it matters anyway: this image is part of a sexy swimsuit collection, there’s a baseline assumption that you’re supposed to oogle every character in a swimsuit. Like, if they just put a random photo of a little girl in the middle of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, that would be really fucking weird.
Liefeld:
10/10
I do not notice any anatomical issues (other than one of the characters’ bodies being four-plus years undeveloped).
Character selection:
0/10
No. Just fucking no. Two years of Tenchu was insane enough. How they hell do we have Ayame three consecutive years!? She was clearly one of the bosses’ favourite characters (definitely the guy who has the Asian fetish), because it’s absolutely insane to imagine this being a popularity selection. Plus… y’know, including a minor, but I would have given this a 0/10 for Ayame alone at this point.
Personality:
5/10
I don’t know these characters… you know the drill.
Swimwear design:
2/10
THE FUCKING ROPE BIKINI-BOTTOMS ARE BACK, WHAT IS THIS GODDAMN OBSESSION!??!!
Intangibles:
5/10
Everything else aside, the Kitsune-head bikini top is legitimately funny.
HOTNESS:
10/10
So this particular image is interesting, because it’s meant to be appealing primarily to the women readers of PSM… and I think they succeeded! Making this even more impressive is that this image is still appealing for the men, because we have Lady looking smoking hot!
Liefeld:
10/10
I’m not noticing any glaring issues, which is extremely impressive for an image like this with a big muscly man front and center. Bravo, Jo Chen!
Character selection:
10/10
If you have to pick a male video game character that the women readers of PSM would find attractive, you couldn’t do much better than Dante. The fact that the extremely appealing Lady is here too is just an incredible bonus.
Personality:
10/10
You know you could see Dante doing this exact scene in-game and it would be perfectly natural.
Swimwear design:
6/10
This is the one area where this image falters, and that’s because I can barely see what anyone is wearing! Nothing looks bad… but I’d like to have a better look at both to give their swimwear full points.
Intangibles:
10/10
No notes, this is easily one of the best images in the entire series and I’m glad to see the swimsuit special going down swinging for the fences.
HOTNESS:
3/10
Oh my God: these are official images created by EA. They used their Marvel license for Marvel Nemesis: Rise of the Imperfects to commission sexy swimsuit images of Storm and Elektra. That means one of two things:
1) They had multiple back-and-forths with Marvel to get these images approved by them, or
2) They just went ahead and did it and could have gotten into hot water with Marvel if they found out.
The funniest part about all this though? The images kind of suck.
Liefeld:
3/10
It should come as no surprise that the actual comic book superheroes end up having some of the worst anatomy in the entire series. From the waist-up, Elektra is just a contortionist’s nightmare. At least Storm looks good though.
Character selection:
2/10
I do not understand the decision-making that went into selecting Storm and Elektra for this swimsuit issue. Elektra was really unpopular due to the fresh memories of the Daredevil and Elektra movies bombing. Storm was reasonably popular I guess, but I can’t help but feel that Marvel wasn’t willing to let EA use their more popular characters for this swimsuit ad.
Post-script: turns out that the reason they picked Elektra and Storm is because they were the only established female characters in Marvel Nemesis. There were multiple original characters in that game which were designed for sex appeal, which makes me wonder why they didn’t include one or more of their original characters here to specifically advertise the game?
Personality:
4/10
Storm looks like a valley girl, which couldn’t be further from her character. As for Elektra… I guess that looks like a pose she’d do?
Swimwear design:
0/10
Storm isn’t even wearing a swimsuit! And I think that Elektra is literally just wearing one of her costumes from the comics.
Intangibles:
5/10
The fact that these are official images of licensed characters provided by EA is just so goddamn funny.
HOTNESS:
4/10
Oh my God they did it again. EA wants you to think that the girls of SSX are hot, but these in-engine PS2 renders aren’t particularly impressive.
Liefeld:
10/10
I guess the benefit of using renders is that you avoid most of the anatomy pitfalls that drawing everything from scratch brings with it.
Character selection:
1/10
It’s so funny that these are officially-created renders provided by EA themselves. It just reeks of desperation to drum up interest for SSX on Tour, which was launching the month after this issue released. After three games, it was clear that nobody cared about the characters in SSX, especially after a two year gap between releases. On top of that, this is the third time SSX characters were appearing in the swimsuit special. Might I remind you that Dead or Alive and Soulcalibur both only appeared once (and this is despite Soulcalibur III‘s hyped release later in 2005).
Personality:
5/10
Something, something, don’t know this character…
Swimwear design:
3/10
Kaori’s outfit looks more like sleepwear than swimwear… Elise’s outfit is just mediocre.
Intangibles:
4/10
Again, it’s so funny and reeking of desperation that EA would provide these images themselves to PSM for their swimsuit special. What a wild marketing move. This is something that legitimately would not be done today by a major publisher.

Credit where it’s due, this was a great final issue for the PSM swimsuit special. You had some of the best art in the entire series, some weird swings, and hilarious editorial choices. Certainly better than what I was expecting!

Final Rankings

What a wild journey that was. It was legitimately interesting to see how the PSM swimsuit special evolved from issue-to-issue: starting out as a legitimate attempt to get attention through sex appeal, and then slowly feeling more and more like an obligation. That said, I imagine that the budget for the special was higher in the first issue, and then got tighter and tighter with each subsequent one. I also think this is probably why Ryan Kinnaird was all over these issues: he was probably able to do commissions fast and inexpensively, hence why he was soon doing two or three images per year. That said, when PSM wanted a particular image to make a splash, you can tell that they put the money into it, hence how we got the stunning images of Cassandra, Dante & Lady, and Lara Croft sharing space with art of notably worse quality.

Then there’s the next thing I want to address: I expect that a common response to these swimsuit articles would be “boy, they couldn’t do this today!” I honestly think that that is patently false. Could, say, IGN or Eurogamer suddenly decide to release an annual swimsuit special? Yeah, I think that they could do so with little controversy surrounding the decision. As long as they treated it with a bit more tact than PSM did, and had a bit more balance between the girls and guys, I think that there would be minimal criticism. That said, would they do this? No, probably not, but that’s not so much due to “wokeness”. Unlike the 90s and early 2000s, game’s journalism is now directed at a general audience rather than teenage boys (a shift in audience that we can track through PSM’s own gradual loss of personality over the years).

Wanna know how I know that you could make a video game swimsuit issue today without it being a problem? Well, I was looking into Ryan Kinnaird’s career after I finished the last issue and it turns out that the guy has been contributing to UDON magazine, which releases its own video game girl swimsuit specials to this day. They’re actually pretty damn good! All that said, as much as I’ve complained about Ryan Kinnaird through this article, the guy’s art style has improved significantly since these articles were published, so I want to give him some kudos: nothing against you, I just did not like most of your swimsuit illustrations in PSM! Congrats on finding a way to make a career for the last quarter century drawing HOT video game girls in BIKINIS!

With all that said, lets get to the final rankings based on the sum total of their scores. In the case of a tie, I’ve ranked images based on personal preference:

RankCharacter(s)SeriesIssueArtistTotal Score
1Lady, DanteDevil May CrySept 2005Jo Chen56
2Lara CroftTomb RaiderAug 2002Greg Horn56
3Cassandra AlexandraSoulcaliburJune 2003Greg Horn54
4Kasumi, Leifang, Tina ArmstrongDead or AliveJuly 2000Sam Liu49
5Lara CroftTomb RaiderSept 2005Frank Cho47
6RayneBloodrayneSept 2005Adam Warren46
7Lara CroftTomb RaiderJuly 2000Adam Hughes46
8TrishDevil May CryAug 2002Kevin Lau43
9Lara CroftTomb RaiderJune 2003Adam Hughes38
10Chun LiStreet FighterJuly 2004Ryan Kinnaird37
11NovaStarCraftSept 2005Ryan Kinnaird36
12Elisa, Zoe, KaoriSSXJuly 2001Andy Park35
13Talim, Ivy Valentine, Xianghua, TakiSoulcaliburJune 2003Greg Horn34
14Lara Croft, Claire RedfieldTomb Raider & Resident EvilJune 2003Randy Green32
15Valkyrie WildePSM April FoolsJuly 2000Adam Warren31
16RayneBloodrayneJuly 2004Ryan Kinnaird31
17Ai Fukami, Reiko NagaseRidge RacerJuly 2000Tommy Yune30
18Jill Valentine, Claire Redfield, Leon KennedyResident EvilJuly 2000Andy Park, Jon Sibal30
19Sun Shang Xiang, AyameDynasty Warriors & TenchuJune 2003Jo Chen30
20KenZone of the EndersJune 2003Ryan Kinnaird29
21Lian Xing, Aya Brea, Meryl Silverburgh, Hana Tsu-VachelVariousJuly 2000Joyce Chin, Arthur Adams28
22Tifa, Quistis, Rinoa, Cloud, SquallFinal FantasyJuly 2000Naska28
23Sakura, Chun Li, CammyStreet FighterJune 2003Rick Mays28
24Ashelin, KeiraJak & DaxterJuly 2004Kevin Lau28
25Trish, LuciaDevil May CryJune 2003Ryan Kinnaird28
26Yuna, Tidus, KimariFinal FantasyJuly 2001Roger Cruz27
27Elise, KaoriSSXSept 2005EA Studios27
28Yuki, Kaede, SamanosukeOnimushaJuly 2001Ken Lashley26
29Chun Li, Sakura, CammyStreet FighterJuly 2000Ale Garza26
30Ibuki, Sakura, Elena, Chun Li, CammyStreet FighterJuly 2004Arnold Tsang26
31Ayame, Kurenai, HibanaVariousJuly 2004Rick Mays25
32OyuOnimushaAug 2002Keron Grant25
33Sarah Bryant, Pai Chan, Christie, JuliaVirtua Fighter & TekkenAug 2002Rick Mays24
34Sarah Bryant, Pai Chan, Aoi, DuralVirtua FighterJuly 2001Mike S. Miller24
35KOS-MOS, ShionXenosagaJune 2003Adam Warren23
36ReginaDino CrisisJuly 2000Arthur Adams23
37Rin, AyameTenchuSept 2005Adam Warren22
38Viola, Vikki Grimm, Olga Gurlukovich, KonokoVariousJuly 2001Tone Rodriguez21
39Mamba Marie, Sephonie, Lenore, Aurora Lee, SophiaMaximoAug 2002Adam Warren21
40KOS-MOS, Shion, PellegriXenosagaAug 2002Ryan Kinnaird21
41NovaStarCraftJuly 2004Adam Warren19
42Nina WilliamsTekkenJuly 2004Jason Pearson19
43Rikku, Yuna, LuluFinal FantasyAug 2002Terry Dodson18
44Storm, ElektraMarvel comicsSept 2005EA Studios17
45Tracey, Leeann, EliseEA Sports BIG franchisesAug 2002Joe Chiodo16
46Dominique, Kaldea, Echidna, SionThe BouncerJuly 2001RV Valdez16
47Ada Wong, Leon Kennedy, Ashley GrahamResident EvilSept 2005Ryan Kinnaird16
48Hana Tsu-Vachel, RainFear EffectJuly 2001Matt Broome16
49Frost, Sonya Blade, Nitara, Kitana, Lei MeiMortal KombatJune 2003Kevin Lau14

And here’s how I would rank the images based entirely on personal, subjective appeal:

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Ninja Gaiden: Final Thoughts (BONUS)

And with that, we have completed another Love/Hate series here on IC2S! Suffice to say, this was quite the undertaking: I ended up playing nineteen games (most of them to completion) over the course of this series of articles. Even at its worst, it was a lot of fun! Playing the different versions of the games simultaneously gives you a different perspective on them, and I’m glad that I’ve got this little series to capture my thoughts and those moments in my life. Like I did with Dead or Alive, I’ve also started to expand my collection of physical Ninja Gaiden games as a result of this little series… I don’t think I’m going to go get every version of these games just for the hell of it, but I’m always excited to see a Ninja Gaiden game for a decent price!

This is a good time to note that there were two Ninja Gaiden games I did not play for this series. This is because I could not for the life of me find a copy and they are, as far as I’m aware, lost media.

The first of these is Ninja Gaiden X, which was an early mobile phone prequel to the NES Ninja Gaiden! It looks like they captured the aesthetic of the NES trilogy well, and the game is pretty impressive considering what phones were capable of at the time. However, the game itself is barely five minutes long, making it perhaps the most forgettable and insubstantial game in the entire franchise.

The other lost game is Ninja Gaiden Clans, which was only released in Japan for smartphones. It was a card-based game with social elements, but its design and art style made it look like a spiritual successor to Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. It was supposed to get an international release, but this was quietly cancelled and the game faded into obscurity. I can barely find any gameplay of it. However, there are some screenshots of card art, including two of my girl, Hitomi! It appears that this game was exclusive to a game launcher portal, so you can’t even find an APK file to mess around with; the game is just gone with little trace to show that it ever existed… Even if it was not great, that’s still a very sad fate.

Ninja Gaiden Games Ranked

Here is how I would rank the all of the Ninja Gaiden games:

  • S-tier: Ninja Gaiden Sigma, Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden (2004), Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus
    • Long-time fans tend to prefer Ninja Gaiden Black but, gun to my head, I would have to give Sigma the slightest of advantages over it. This is largely down to the quality of life enhancements introduced in Sigma that make it a bit more enjoyable to play. Calling the content that has been removed from this version “puzzles” would be extremely generous: the “puzzles” in Ninja Gaiden (2004) are incredibly easy, but often force you to do a bunch of repetitive backtracking. Removing these puzzles ultimately replaces lengthy pace-killers with exciting combat sequences. I also kind of enjoyed getting to play as Rachel. A lot of fans hate how slow and limited her moveset is, to the point where it’s often cited as the reason why Black is better. Personally, I liked the change in pace her chapters bring. Both Sigma and Black are incredible, so you can’t really go wrong either way.
    • While I would say that Sigma is my favourite of the lot, I would actually recommend Ninja Gaiden Black to a first-time player, just so you can get to experience the more varied gameplay that the puzzle sections bring. They do present a more unique game design philosophy that the franchise quickly honed away. Plus, the game defaults to normal mode, so play Black, and then you can jump to a higher difficulty off the bat in Sigma (or, y’know, just keep playing Black on a higher difficulty: again, you can’t go wrong with either version).
    • Ninja Gaiden (2004) is a step down from Sigma and Black, but that’s simply because it’s a less “complete” and “refined” experience. That said, it’s still effectively the same game in most respects: the iron-wrought foundation upon which all other versions were forged, so it’s still deserving of a top-tier placement on the list.
    • Closing out our S-tier is Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus. Purists will poo-poo this game due to its framerate of 30 FPS, but the game’s still goddamn Ninja Gaiden (now on the go)! Honestly, the bigger problem this version faces is its motion control gimmicks, which make the mandatory bow sections even more annoying. Due to these small blemishes, I have to say that this is probably the weakest version of Ninja Gaiden (2004), but its placement here in S-tier should illustrate how fucking great it is overall.
  • A-tier: Ninja Gaiden II (2008), Ninja Gaiden 2 Black, Ninja Gaiden: Master Collection
    • As I stated in its respective Love/Hate entry, the original Ninja Gaiden II is my favourite version of the game, despite some major reservations. The moment-to-moment combat is just so good, and learning how to deal with (and massacre) the swarms of aggressive enemies with low health is a joy that later revisions have not even tried to match. Unfortunately, the latter-half of the game is just miserable to play through. As much as I love this game’s quirks, the notion of having to replay these latter levels fills me with dread… It’s a game of soaring highs, and infuriating lows that its successors would even out.
    • Ninja Gaiden 2 Black is probably the most enjoyable way to play Ninja Gaiden II today. It corrects a lot of the mistakes of Sigma 2 and, while it doesn’t match the best parts of Ninja Gaiden II, it’s a hell of a lot closer. Plus, the absence of the absolute bullshit that plagued the original release makes it a game I’m far more likely to come back to just to enjoy myself in.
    • Ninja Gaiden: Master Collection is an interesting case. On the one hand, it’s an absolute steal just for Ninja Gaiden Sigma alone. Unfortunately, it also has Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, which makes it a bit harder to recommend, because it’s my least-favourite version of Ninja Gaiden II. As a result, I’d recommend the Master Collection to first-time players looking to get into the series, but I’d strongly recommend picking up a copy of Ninja Gaiden II or 2 Black as well… and, at that point, you might just want to get Ninja Gaiden Black, rendering the entire collection kind of pointless. Ain’t this franchise’s fractured release history grand?
  • B-tier: Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge, Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos, Ninja Gaiden (1988), Ninja Gaiden (1992)
    • Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 is… fine. A lot of my distaste for it comes down to it being compromised compared to the better versions we have (plus I hate games with spongey enemies). However, if Sigma 2 is the only way you’ve experienced Ninja Gaiden II, then you probably won’t mind too much, as you’re still going through largely the same experience, just with a different feel to the combat.
    • Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge is a monumental improvement on its predecessor, thanks to some inspired changes to the combat mechanics. If it was not bogged down by the sins of its predecessor that couldn’t be fixed in eight months of development, this could have rivalled Ninja Gaiden II.
    • Thanks to a handful of major refinements and a more measured difficulty progression, Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos is a notable improvement on its predecessor, even if it is marred by some awful level gimmicks.
    • Ninja Gaiden (1988) is a pretty fun (if punishingly difficult) game in its own right, but much of its importance comes down to its revolutionary narrative presentation. Not exactly an easy game to get into for a modern player, but well worth trying out!
    • Ninja Gaiden (1992) for the Master System is by far the best looking classic-era game in the franchise. The game is just an absolute bastard with its enemy spawns, to a hilarious degree, and you want nothing more than to show this game who’s the boss.
  • C-tier: Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom, Ninja Gaiden Trilogy
    • Ninja Gaiden III is a cautionary tale about the limits of video game difficulty. The game is punishingly difficult for no good reason, with even basic enemies in the opening levels causing ludicrous amounts of damage. Like, as difficult as the other NES Ninja Gaiden games are, you could at least afford to take a hit every once in a while. Ninja Gaiden III is just excessively punishing to the detriment of the game overall.
    • Ninja Gaiden Trilogy is a lackluster collection due to its poor ports of the NES trilogy (akin to the slap-dash “remasters” we got during the PS3/Xbox 360-era). About the only true positive I can say for it is that its version of Ninja Gaiden III has the originally intended, much fairer difficulty (but even then, you’ve got the weird graphics, imprecise controls, and poor sound effects to contend with). It’s not unplayable, but it’s not great either, especially in an era where the original titles are easily accessible.
  • D-tier: Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword, Ninja Gaiden Shadow
    • I was fairly disappointed with Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. Despite its short length, its combat quickly became a slog and its gimmicky control scheme, while perfectly functional, is unable to sustain interest. I certainly appreciate its expansion of the Ninja Gaiden universe, but the game is too experimental for its own good. In addition, the amount of assets reused from Ninja Gaiden (2004) is frankly ridiculous.
    • Ninja Gaiden Shadow is reasonably fun, but the short playtime and extremely stripped-back gameplay make it little more than a curiosity in this franchise’s long-running history.
  • E-tier: Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Plus, Ninja Gaiden 3 (2012), Ninja Gaiden (1991), Ninja Gaiden (arcade)
    • I really don’t know how I managed to get through Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Plus back in 2013, let alone how it became the gateway drug that got me into this entire franchise. I guess I just was extremely forgiving, because Sigma 2 Plus is borderline-unplayable if you have any standards for game performance. The framerate is terrible, often dipping well below 30 FPS, the game constantly gets interrupted by mid-game loading screens, and the graphics look very muddy as the PS Vita struggles to keep up with the chaos on-screen. Plus, y’know, it’s a port of Sigma 2, so it’s already a pretty compromised experience. I guess if you’ve never played another Ninja Gaiden game then it might be bearable… but if you have…? Bleh. Yeah, this is unacceptable and a curiosity at best.
    • Ninja Gaiden 3 (2012) is a prime example of the dangers of trend-chasing. So many bone-headed decisions were made in the creation of this game. The story is terrible, largely due to the directors pushing for a more “complex” narrative. A ton of options have been entirely stripped out and replaced with nothing. The health system is frustratingly designed. All the worst design trends of the PS3/Xbox 360 era make an appearance. Worst of all though is that combat, the bread-and-butter of Ninja Gaiden, just kind of sucks. I don’t know what I could say that could be more damning than that.
    • I can overlook Ninja Gaiden (1991)’s poor graphics and 30 minute runtime, but what I can’t forgive is the terrible game feel and the extremely cheap enemy placements, which spawn in and then immediately attack, leaving you a split second to react without taking damage.
    • Ninja Gaiden (arcade) is a moderately interesting slice of late-80s arcade gaming, but that’s about it. As-is, it’s too rudimentary to compete with other retro side-scrolling beat ’em ups, while also having all the frustrating bullshit you’d expect from a coin-op arcade machine. Play it for nostalgia or curiosity, but don’t expect to have a great time.
  • F-tier: Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z
    • Fuck this goddamn game. It’s not “bad because it doesn’t play like a Ninja Gaiden game”, this game is horrendous by any standards, full-stop. The humour makes me want to die, the combat is dull, the platforming is irritating, the game looks like a bowl of puke, and its janky as all hell.

Ninja Gaiden Games Ranked by Difficulty

Suffice to say, this is an extremely subjective ranking by someone who played mostly on normal or hard mode throughout this series. If you’re playing on Master Ninja, then some games are going to be harder than others, but I cannot speak to that experience (and, honestly, my experience is going to be more relevant to 80% of the people who play these games (the one-and-done playthrough player).

A couple notes here:

  1. Yaiba‘s on top because fuck Yaiba. The game isn’t particularly difficult (in fact, it probably would be just above Dragon Sword if you want a “true” ranking), but the game is so miserable to play that the true difficulty is in making you want to even play this piece of shit game.
  2. Ninja Gaiden II‘s pretty low on the list! Obviously, it’s a pretty difficult game in its own right, but by Ninja Gaiden standards, it seems to be one of the more approachable entries. I say this because I had no issues on Ninja Gaiden II‘s hard mode on any of my playthroughs, whereas the equivalent mode on its predecessor and sequel felt more challenging. Apparently it is brutal on Master Ninja, but I cannot speak to that.
  3. Dragon Sword‘s the only Ninja Gaiden game I’d say is straight-up easy, largely due to its imprecise control scheme necessitating an extreme level of generosity.

Ranking the Bosses of the Modern Ninja Gaiden Games

  • S-tier: Volf, Genshin, Doku, Alma
    • Volf is just the best. This boisterous personality and sense of honour make him a boss that you cannot wait to face off against. The showdown that ensues is pretty great in its own right.
    • Genshin is a solid boss, but his surprisingly strong presence within the storyline really elevates him to S-tier levels.
    • In his introduction, Doku is just the coolest antagonist in the entire franchise. He’s incredibly intimidating, so the point when you finally are forced to face-off with him is an adrenaline-pumping highlight.
    • The RNG elements of Alma’s can make her somewhat frustrating, but I love this fight, it’s challenging but learning the fight is fun. In addition, Alma’s design is fascinating. There’s such a strange and ethereal presence about her.
  • A-tier: Marbus, Prototype Goddess, The Regent of the Mask, Epigonos, Ghost Doku, Murai, Ishtaros, Awakened Alma, Nicchae, Dagra Dai
    • Marbus is a pretty great fight, despite only really being vulnerable when he does one attack. This could be extremely frustrating if done wrong, but thankfully he is an enjoyable test of mettle on the two occasions you meet him.
    • I really enjoy the Prototype Goddess. Her attacks are telegraphed distinctly, so you get a fair chance to react and then punish. The Steel on Bone mechanics in Razor’s Edge also make this a fun showcase of the mechanic. Just a really good boss, one of the fairest in the entire franchise.
    • The Regent of the Mask gains a lot of points for his personality alone, but thankfully his fights live up to the hype. Like the Prototype Goddess, he telegraphs his attacks, so you have a fair chance to respond. However, he does have two infuriating techniques that pushed him down from a higher ranking: 1) his grab attack is incredibly fast and punishing, to the point where you just kind of predict that it’s coming, and 2) his goddamn ranged grab in your third showdown is fucking bullshit.
    • We already had doppelganger fights in Ninja Gaiden Black, but Epigonos is the ultimate expression of that idea. As you can expect, he can do everything you can do, so the more knowledge you have of your abilities, the better you’ll be able to punish his attacks. As a result, this is an extremely fair fight: even when you’re getting caught in devastating Izuna drops, just block more (which is exactly what enemies have been doing all game to break your own combos).
    • Ghost Doku is a weird step down from his prior incarnation. Seeing him come back as a ghost robs him of a lot of his formerly-intimidating aura. Still gets high points for being a great fight, but it’s definitely less-exciting.
    • The initial confrontation with Murai is a classic affair, as you go sword-to-nunchuck with your uncle. It’s a solid fight to open the game and one that tests your skills in a manner that feels very fair.
    • Ishtaros’s design is something. It’s wild to me that she’s the main antagonist in a T-rated Nintendo DS game! Her status as a secret boss earns her a lot of points, and her moveset is fairly unique.
    • Awakened Alma is kind of bullshit, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s basically entirely ranodm whether your Flying Swallow will land on her, so you can end up getting frustrated when you die to RNG. However, her moveset and the atmosphere of the fight really elevate this confrontation for me, even if she’s not as good here as she was in her first encounter.
    • Nicchae earns points for being a challenging secret boss. She plays like a reskin of Alma, which I’m pretty mixed on (Alma’s moveset is fun, but it’s pretty lame that they couldn’t give Nicchae her own identity). A pretty good boss, but could be better if she had a more unique moveset.
    • I’ll be entirely honest: I always forget about the Dagra Dai fight. Of all the bosses in Ninja Gaiden II, no other boss has left less of an impression on me. Every time I get to him, I enjoy the fight (far more than the two fights after him), but I cannot remember a single thing about it. I’m serious: I re-watched this fight yesterday to remind myself what happens in it, and I’ve already forgotten everything about it again. I feel like he is deserving of the A-tier, but I cannot justify anywhere else but the bottom of the tier due to how extremely forgettable he is.
  • B-tier: Fiend Murai, Alexei, Zedonius, Dynamo (and Alternator), Paz Zuu
    • Fiend Murai suffers for being the final boss at the end of your journey. He’s fast and hits hard, but you’re facing him when you’re at your most skilled. If you’ve saved enough health elixirs, you can just brute force through him easily. If you have not saved enough elixirs, then this fight could be incredibly tough, especially since you’ll need to replay the shitty platforming section every time you die and there’s no way to restock on heals.
    • All of the Greater Fiends are fun, but Alexei makes it this high off of sheer personality. He’s a weirdo and a creep, but he’s so flamboyant that it works. His fight is also pretty enjoyable, with an enjoyable level of challenge.
    • I dunno, I have heard that a lot of people struggle with Zedonius, but I’ve always found him really underwhelming in Ninja Gaiden II. It feels like he’s dead before he gets much of a chance to make an impression. Having only one chapter instead of two also doesn’t make your showdown any more exciting. Still, while the fight doesn’t last particularly long, it is quite enjoyable!
    • Dynamo is a pretty random, but enjoyable, showdown on the top of the zeppelin. He’s also a good skill-check, forcing you to learn when you are safe to punish and when you need to back off. I’ve chosen to just lump Alternator in here too, since he’s literally just a rehash of Dynamo, except that he has a jetpack. He plays pretty much identically.
    • I really enjoy the battle with Paz Zuu! That said: it is incredibly easy. Most of its attacks can be avoided by just standing behind it, its main attack is incredibly easy to avoid, and it gives you a ton of openings to damage it. This can make it fun to just beat this guy down, but it’s one of the easiest showdowns in the entire game.
  • C-tier: Elizabet, Holy Vigoor Emperor, Rasetsu, Cliff, The Archfiend
    • Elizabet is kinda bullshit. She seems like she can block your attacks automatically, and actually landing a hit in feels entirely random. On top of this though, she has high damage and a ton of health, so you have to be extremely careful when facing her.
    • The Holy Vigoor Emperor’s psychedelic aesthetic goes a long way towards making him a fascinating main antagonist. Honestly though, the boss battles against him are pretty weak. The first is a gimmicky DPS test while suddenly having your movement controls completely changed on you. The second fight is basically a game of “I sure hope you still have arrows for your bow!” Neither is awful, but they are pretty underwhelming.
    • Rasetsu is a decent fight, but his reputation as a boss drops because he gets downgraded to a fairly common mini-boss enemy towards the end of the game… and those black spider ninja fiends have more health than Rasetsu did. Yeah, the nameless enemies are stronger than this guy, great spot to put him in.
    • Cliff is super lame due to his role in the narrative of Ninja Gaiden 3. However, I can’t deny that the fight with him is reasonably enjoyable, redeeming him slightly.
    • I don’t understand why they were trying to make the bow more important in this game, it is boring compared to your melee weapons, and the first phase of The Archfiend suffers for it the most. The second phase is better since it’s largely melee-oriented, but it’s nowhere near as fun a finale as Fiend Murai.
  • D-tier: Gamov, The Dark Dragon, Tengu Brothers, Fire Dragon, Masakado, Electric Worm, Spider Tank, Yotunfrau, Hydracubus, Ashtear
    • Gamov is kind of random. He seems like he’s up to something, but he ends up doing nothing for the entire game, only to get killed off randomly by Murai at the end. His boss fight in Sigma is decent, but nothing particularly special or memorable.
    • The legendary Dark Dragon is pretty cool to see in a Ninja Gaiden game, but that game is Dragon Sword… so just swipe a bunch and dodge generously and you’ll win anything… Yeah, it’s a pretty rote fight overall. He comes back in Sigma 2 to replace the Quetzalcoatls, so that’s a point in its favour, but it’s still a pretty simple fight overall.
    • The Tengu Brothers are a decent fight, although they can get a bit annoying considering how many times you face them…
    • The Fire Dragon makes for a good bit of spectacle, but man is this fight ridiculously easy. Most of its attacks will struggle to even hit you, allowing you to just wail on it.
    • Masakado, aka Horse Guy, is a bit of a mid fight. He’s basically just a stronger version of the samurai riders you’ve already fought. The biggest annoyance though is the mage adds in the fight. I just focus on killing them until they stop respawning, because Masakado is much less of a threat than they are.
    • Fuuuuuck the Electric Worm (both fights with it). It’s that typical “lame Ninja Gaiden boss” formula: it cannot be attacked directly, so you watch as it cycles between a bunch of attacks, only two of which open it up for damage… and you’d best be fast, because you have a second to respond or it will get away. It’s an okay fight mechanically, but man did I get annoyed by it.
    • The initial Spider Tank fight was alright. The thing spammed bullets, rockets, and electrical shields a bit too much, but it was a decent enough first boss. However, having to face two of the sonofabitches near the end of the game is just fucking stupid. You can’t stand still for an instant or you’ll get bombarded by rockets from off-screen. That second fight pulls this boss’s overall ranking down for sure.
    • Yotunfrau is an incredibly easy boss. His attacks are a bit too slow and telegraphed, making him trivial to fight. Honestly, if you get hit during this fight, that’s on you for being impatient. That said, it’s fun to beat him down, so I can’t put him any lower than this.
    • Hydracubus is also an incredibly easy boss – just Flying Swallow repeatedly and then attack when he’s growing his tentacles back. Again, it’s kind of enjoyable to just beat him down in less than a minute, although I enjoy him a bit less than Yotunfrau.
    • Ashtear is a… interesting fight. His biggest issue is that he comes right after the double Spider Tank fight, so you’re probably coming into this fight with low health. To compensate, his moveset is extremely exploitable, making it very possible that you can go through this entire fight without taking damage. That said, the fight goes on for multiple phases, so you had better hope that you have enough health for some margin of error (I didn’t, so I had to play it perfectly in my Razor’s Edge hard mode run).
  • E-tier: Obaba, Dragon Skeleton, Tanks, Bone Giant, Buddha Statue, Statue of Liberty, Helicopter, Godomus, Fire Worm, Water Dragon, Nuclear Armadillos, fucking Giganotosaurus, Canna the Goddess
    • Obaba has had three completely different boss fights across three different games… and they’ve all been pretty disappointing, hence her fairly low ranking. I think her boss battle in Sigma 2 is probably the most enjoyable one.
    • The Dragon Skeleton is one of those bosses that’s… fine, I guess, but it’s a pretty dull affair. Attack its limbs when he’s vulnerable and then dodge a couple different attacks… very easy stuff.
    • The tank battle suffers, again, because it’s a bow fight in my ninja combat game. You have to be in constant motion, balancing movement and firing off armour-piercing arrows. Oh, and when you beat the tank, a second one enters and you have to do literally the same fight all over again. It’s kind of funny, but it’s also a big “fuck you” to the player…
    • The Bone Giant in Ninja Gaiden II is a complete slog. It’s not all that difficult, but he takes so little damage that you will start losing health sooner or later. Nothing feels worse than getting him low, then dying, and having to restart the whole process again.
    • The Sigma 2-exclusive Buddha Statue fight is really lame. He has that usual “attack the limbs” formula that boring bosses have, but he also has barely any health so at least the fight’s over with quickly.
    • The Statue of Liberty fight is basically just the aforementioned Buddha Statue, but with some more annoying attacks, so it gets a lower rank as a result.
    • You fight a lot of helicopter bosses over the course of this franchise, and they’re all pretty lame. Again, this is because they are bow fights… yawn.
    • Godomus operates a lot like the Bone Giant – doesn’t take a lot of damage, but he dishes out more damage, so fighting him gets really annoying, especially on rematches.
    • Ugh, as if fighting the Electric Worm twice wasn’t lame enough, you then fight the exact same boss, except now he has a fire attack instead of an electric attack. This is easily the most annoying version of the worm, but the fact that you’re fighting the same guy again just makes this fight a pain in the ass.
    • The Water Dragon sucks in pretty much any version of Ninja Gaiden II. You’re stuck on a platform avoiding two types of attacks over and over again and just firing off an arrow when you get an opening… it’s extremely dull and frustrating. People will complain that Sigma 2 removed the option to go into the water to fight him, but that method of fighting him also sucks.
    • FUCK the Nuclear Armadillo (especially their tag team rematch in the original Ninja Gaiden II). If you want to be “safe” then you stick to its tail and/or legs and get some chip damage in. However, the armadillo will eventually spam a ridiculous amount of flaming projectiles at you, making the latter-part of the fight incredibly risky. As a result, I just go for the head, which takes more damage than the rest of its body, but leaves you open to a very fast and damaging bite attack… it’s worth it compared to slogging through the fight the “safe” way though. Oh and lest we forget, when you kill the boss, he explodes in a nuclear blast that fills the entire arena. This can only be survived by blocking, a thing that the game does not communicate to you, so you can easily beat this boss multiple times and then die on the last hurdle because you’re the idiot for not realizing you can block a nuclear explosion…
    • The fucking Giganotosaurus in Ninja Gaiden 3 is a pain in the ass and illustrative of the issues with this game’s design. Because you can’t just heal in the fight, bosses have to be very exploitable. As a result, the boss is a clumsy idiot, tripping over her own feet to give you a lengthy opening to attack her, and you can easily bait her into flailing about uselessly so that you take no damage. However, if you do get hit, the Giganotosaurus does a ton of damage, which can easily one- or two-shot you, with zero opportunities for healing.
    • Canna the Goddess is a ridiculous battle, feeling more like a bullet hell at times than a proper Ninja Gaiden boss. If you can get through the first part of the fight, where she spams projectiles and does arm slams while you try to fight a bunch of adds to get your ninpo bar maxed out, then the rest is pretty easy. A lot of fans really hate her, but I didn’t hate her quite enough to reach F-tier.
  • F-tier: Giant Helicopter, Quetzalcoatls, GigaDeath, Giant Death Worm
    • There’s a pattern with most of these F-tier bosses and that’s that they are bow fights. The Giant Helicopter in Ninja Gaiden 3 is bad because it is incredibly drawn out over the course of three phases with zero opportunities for healing. The third phase especially is frustrating because it gets adds which you need to kill in order to focus on the boss. The only reason I managed to get through this was because you can slow down time by hitting R3 while aiming, making it easier to kill the adds and land your shots on the helicopter, but the game never communicates this to you.
    • Holy shit the Quetzalcoatls suck. This is largely due to the garbage camera, which only tracks the two bosses, but leaves you entirely vulnerable to the adds spamming you with fireballs and swooping attacks. As much as I liked the original Ninja Gaiden II, encounters like this are an absolute piss-off and replacing them with the Dark Dragon in Sigma 2-onwards is an objective improvement.
    • FUCK GIGADEATH. This electric fish sonofabitch spams a stupid amount of projectiles and ghost fish at you, which can melt your health bar from full to zero in a second. I legitimately don’t even understand how I’ve beaten this guy every time, I feel like I’m barely managing to dodge its attacks.
    • The Giant Death Worm is the one boss in the entire franchise who feels completely broken and unfinished. You spend the entire fight just sitting in tunnels, getting cheap hits in as the boss passes by harmlessly. Then, if you get hit by him, you get bounced around the screen as the boss awkwardly pushes you forward: it looks downright embarrassing. There’s a reason this boss was cut out of Sigma 2 and I don’t think anybody laments its absence.

What Does the Future Hold For Ninja Gaiden?

Unlike many of the franchises we’ve covered on this series, Ninja Gaiden fans are eating good right now. After a decade of nothing, 2025 is bringing us three new Ninja Gaiden games. The first of these, Ninja Gaiden 2 Black, has already released and been covered here, but the next two are arguably even more exciting.

The first of these is Ninja Gaiden: Ragebound, which I am super excited about. It’s being developed by The Game Kitchen, who made Blasphemous, one of my favourite games of all-time. It’s the first 2D entry in the franchise in decades, so they picked the perfect developer for it. Beyond this, the game just looks better and better every time I see it. It seems poised to bridge the gap between the modern games and the NES trilogy. The new protagonist, Kenji, seems cool and the Black Spider Clan kunoichi, Kumori, looks fascinating. It also just looks like it’s going to be really fun, I cannot wait to get my hands on it in the next few months.

The other upcoming Ninja Gaiden game is Ninja Gaiden 4, being developed by Platinum Games and Team Ninja. I’m cautiously optimistic about this one. Platinum Games have a pedigree for good action games, although their track record in the past few years has been a bit spotty (hence the cautious optimism). Their style is also pretty distinct from Team Ninja’s, so I hope that they can put something together that can please fans of their style and the existing Ninja Gaiden fanbase.

Aaaaaand that’s it for another Love/Hate series here on IC2S! Honestly, as insane as this undertaking was for me, I’m actually feeling a bit sad to be done with it. I’ve got other games I’d like to play, but sometime soon I’d love to try to play Ninja Gaiden Sigma or Ninja Gaiden 2 Black on a higher difficulty and see if I can do it! In the meantime, I’d got more Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden articles in mind, so don’t expect my obsession with these franchise to end anytime soon.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Ryukenden (1991) (BONUS)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! We’ve covered all the Ninja Gaiden video games that I could get my hands on, so we’re coming in with a bonus entry for the Ninja Gaiden anime film from the 90s which acts as a direct sequel to the NES trilogy! I knew literally nothing about this film going in, so I had no idea what to expect from it. Does this film hold up as a stand-alone film and/or as a canonical entry in the Ninja Gaiden storyline? Read on to find out…

Love

  • The Early-90s Anime Aesthetic – Ninja Ryukenden looks gorgeous, and that is largely due to the hand-drawn style which screams early-90s anime. It looks incredible and makes me very nostalgic for that simpler aesthetic.
  • The Fights – Being a video game movie, Ninja Ryukenden has a bunch of fights. What I was not expecting was for these sequences to be really well-animated and surprisingly violent affairs! I guess that this film would have released right before Mortal Kombat and the subsequent moral panic, so maybe Tecmo had no problem showing Ryu lop off heads and slice people in half in a geyser of blood and gore. Seriously, there are sequences in this film which feel like they directly inspired the ultra-violence of Ninja Gaiden II!
  • Side Characters – As enjoyable as it is to see Ryu being a ninja badass, I think that my favourite part of the narrative was its B-plot, featuring Robert F. Sturgeon (whose return means that he survived Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos!), his girlfriend Sara, and his friend Jeff. They basically spend this time doing typical detective investigation stuff, but the trio have fun personalities that really endears you to them. Jeff’s sudden shift to being a total badass in the third act was also joyous, I was grinning from ear-to-ear whenever he was on-screen.

Mixed

  • Animation – While the pure 90s aesthetic of Ninja Ryukenden sure elevates it, it’s pretty clear that they didn’t have much of a budget or time at their disposal. Many scenes have very little animation to them at all. That said, when the film does start animating at a higher quality, they’ve allocated it to the areas where it mattered most (particularly during the fights). Still, there are some moments where the lack of motion to the animation can be a bit distracting…

Hate

  • The Story – While Ninja Ryukenden looks good, its story is incredibly generic. The bad guys are trying to summon the Dark God, again. Irene gets kidnapped, again. Ryu has to fight through monsters to get to the bad guy, again. But wait, they added something new this time! A melodramatic romance subplot between Ryu and Irene… oh wait, no, that’s also extremely generic in its own right.
    • It probably doesn’t help that the film’s only forty-five minutes long, so it’s not like they had a lot of time to let the narrative breathe.
  • Irene – God, I don’t know who’s been disrespected more in this franchise: Rachel, or Irene? At least Rachel’s gotten a chance to kick some ass, Irene is just constantly getting kidnapped. She’s even worse here though, being nearly worthless in a fight (despite being a trained CIA operative in the NES trilogy!), and spending every scene whining about her fear that Ryu will break up with her. She’s a burden and a wet blanket on the whole affair, it’s idiotic that they made her so incapable here.

Having seen my fair share of extended universe video game movies, I wasn’t really expecting much out of Ninja Ryukenden. As a result, I was pleasantly surprised to find a lot to like here, even if the narrative is completely generic. It’s too bad that this film never got a sequel, I would have loved to see more of this style… especially because it hints at a potential follow-up that never was!

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Love/Hate: Yaiba – Ninja Gaiden Z (2012)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series on IC2S! In this entry, we’ll be looking at the most recent Ninja Gaiden game (excluding re-releases), Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z, a strange spin-off featuring zombies and an asshole ninja protagonist trying to find and kill Ryu Hayabusa. Frankly, this game has a horrible reputation within the Ninja Gaiden fan community, and was blamed for killing the franchise (at least up until its recent revival). Given its noxious reputation, I had never played this game and did my best to avoid it until now. I don’t really know all that much about it, so it’ll be interesting to see how it actually plays. Is it as bad as people say? Read on to find out…

Refreshingly, we reach the end of this Love/Hate series with a game that had only the one release. No revisions of Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z for me to have to play, nice and simple!

Love

  • Improvised Zombie Weapons – For what it’s worth, being able to grab a zombie and then use it to beat down other zombies is pretty hilarious the first time you do it, and it actually makes your flail hit harder, so there’s actually some incentive to do it. You can also throw them at distant enemies (including helicopters!). Some zombies will even explode when you throw them. In addition, most special zombies will give you a limited-time attack if you land an execution on them, which are all very strong and pretty funny (the clown zombie dropping “nunchuckles” is a pretty great pun).
  • The Soundtrack – Okay, so Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z doesn’t have the most memorable, revolutionary or unique soundtrack, but I quite enjoyed when the electronica/dance music kicks in (especially on the main menu). As far as the core design elements go, the soundtrack is by far the best thing Yaiba has going for it.

Mixed

  • Elemental Mechanics – The most original aspect of Yaiba‘s gameplay is that it gives special properties to fire, electricity, and poison damage. These status effects can be used by enemies against you, but you can also use them to attack enemies and interact with the environment. In addition, different elements can be combined to produce special effects (eg, fire + electricity = an huge electric tornado, fire + poison = a massive incineration, electricity + poison = crystallizes the target, etc). There are several puzzles and encounters that revolve around this system, to the point where it kind of feels like it takes over the game. It’s kind of an interesting concept, but in practice it feels like a chore that’s a bit too prescribed. It also doesn’t help that the effects of elemental combinations are unintuitive. I would often completely forget what would happen when two elements combined, but the game had given me two in one area, so clearly it wants me to combine them to advance. It would have been nice if this was more like Bioshock, where you get to decide what you want to use and combine them however you want to.
  • Combat – Despite the title, Yaiba does not play like Ninja Gaiden at all. If anything, its combat feels more like God of War, as you perform free-form combos with your various weapons to kill hundreds of zombies however you want to, without the precision or intentionality you’d expect from Ninja Gaiden. It works, I guess, but it’s not particularly interesting. The only reason this doesn’t go into “Hate” is that I do legitimately like the cyber fist: its strikes have a really satisfying feedback and, when you get the charged attack upgrade, it’s really fun being able to land a fully-charged rocket punch to do devastating damage. It’s overkill for a lot of enemies, but at least it’s more enjoyable than the sword or the flail. I also really enjoyed the “pocket rocket” (a giant missile launcher) which annihilates half the screen on impact.

Hate

  • Tone – Your opinion of Yaiba is going to be coloured heavily by how you respond to the game’s tone. Ninja Gaiden games have always been very serious affairs, even if their narratives have been pure B-movie cheese (hell, I’d argue that Ninja Gaiden II‘s campy tone works because of how seriously it’s taken). Yaiba goes in an entirely different direction though. The game’s tone is excessively crass, juvenile, and edgy. I’ve seen this described as stereotypical “gamer humour” and I think that’s a pretty apt description. Sure, the other Ninja Gaiden games aren’t exactly high art, but Yaiba just felt trashy. Maybe this will work for you, but I found myself cringing at Yaiba, rather than going with it.
    • So, first of all, let’s tackle the juvenile aside of things here. The game makes sex and dick jokes constantly in an effort to elicit a laugh, but you quickly find yourself wondering if they have any other material (spoiler: they do not). I love Seth Rogen movies for God’s sake, I’m not opposed to raunchy and juvenile humour, but it just did not work for me in Yaiba. Most of the jokes are just lazy and dumb, with very few managing to land (eg, a zombie failing its jump and splattering against a wall, and a zombie throwing up for about twenty seconds straight got chuckles out of me).
      • Look, I can’t really properly convey how lowbrow this game’s jokes are without describing some of the dumbest ones. Probably the stupidest one I encountered was a journal entry where some random guy decides that he’ll become a super hero named after his two favourite animals (the horse and the rooster), so he comes up with… “Pony Cock”… The journal entry just hammers you over the head with the joke over and over again.
      • The most elaborate joke though is when you come across a lingerie shop with a gigantic pair of lady’s legs jutting out of the roof. You need to destroy the building, so you crash a semi-truck into it, which careens out of control and flies in between her legs (sex, you get it?) and then explodes. This causes it to start raining panties, which makes Yaiba start getting giddy for the first (and only) time in the entire game, because… uh, I guess he’s a freak for the sight of lady’s underwear? And then he starts getting mad when a boss zombie shows up, because “they’re ruining my fucking panty party”
      • Oh and in addition to these, you will also often encounter zombies who are pissing or fucking random objects in the game’s environments… because “haha, jokes” I guess? When this is the things the game’s doing to try to make you laugh, can you see why I was just exhausted and cringing before long?
    • The game also will often stop to do a short, slap-stick comedy sketch involving the zombies. You’ve got sequences where a zombie pulls the pin on a grenade, but is too stupid to know to throw it, so he blows himself up, another zombie who tries to get another zombie to move out of the way of a steamroller, before running him over, a zombie wedding, etc. Again, this could work, but it just feels like the game’s trying too hard to get you to laugh at its irreverent sense of humour, so it just didn’t land for me.
    • Then there’s the edginess, most of which revolves around the titular anti-hero, Yaiba Kamikaze. He’s a stereotypical gruff, macho, arrogant, selfish, irreverent asshole. I get that you’re supposed to kind of hate him, but man is he completely unlikeable and irredeemable. He’s also just such a fucking loser as a result, like he was written to be cool by a bunch of socially inept nerds. When he interrupts the zombie wedding, he complains that the organ music sucks and that “I prefer death metal”. As a metal fan myself, this line made me die of cringe, it was so fucking embarrassing. He also spends the entire game sexually harassing Miss Monday… until it turns out that she was actually into it and she fucked him while he was unconscious, Jesus fucking Christ, this fucking game.
    • In addition to all of the above, this game is kind of sacrilegious as an entry in the Ninja Gaiden franchise for how it treats established characters. Yaiba keeps making jokes at Ryu’s expense, saying in the very first cutscene that he looks like he’s missing the ball-gag from his gimp suit. The game also has several journal entries you can find that make it seem like Ryu is terrified of Yaiba and acting like a big baby, until we find out (much later) that Yaiba’s unconscious mind was making these up as a juvenile fantasy. Oh, and speaking of juvenile fantasy, this game has Momiji in it… and, for once, I wish it didn’t. One of those aforementioned journal entries is basically Yaiba’s fantasy of having her fuck him… In a series that dances around the fact that its women are sexy, this outright skeeving over her by such a piece of shit character legitimately pisses me off.
  • Terrible Design – Yaiba is, straight-up, one of the jankiest games I’ve seen in ages, featuring the sorts of basic design issues that I thought we had ironed out by the PS2/Xbox/Gamecube era. The camera in particular is fucking garbage. I don’t know how many times it zoomed out so far that I could barely see what was going on, while other times being so zoomed in on Yaiba that I couldn’t see enemies right in front of him. Oh, and you’ll often find enemies will obscure the camera and make it impossible to be able to see what you’re doing, which got me killed on a couple occasions. And that’s just the camera! There’s also the crowded UI, unmemorable level design (seriously, it’s all just industrial sludge), the game goes into slow-motion every time you die (making every reset take significantly longer than it needs to), long downtime as you wait for enemies to load in, and some very stiff and awkward animations. Worst of all though is the poisoned status condition, which causes the entire screen to be covered in a green filter to obscure your vision. WHY would you design a game where you can get a status condition that stops you from being able to play the game!?!!!?!!!! Absolute fucking idiocy.
    • On a related note, the game is also blatantly chasing trends. You can tell that some dipshit at Comcept wrote down a list of things that gamers like and then made Spark Unlimited cram them all into the game: leveling up, upgrade trees, collectable journal entries, a rage meter that you fill up to go into rage mode (for like five seconds, LOL), executions, a God of War-style whip, QTEs… the game is sorely lacking its own identity, and this sort of shit just makes it feel like Video Game: The Video Game at times.
  • “Platforming” Sequences – Yaiba brings back more frequent platforming sections than we’ve seen from this franchise in ages, but the way that they’ve been implemented just sucks. Instead of giving you full control as you pull off some cool moves, Yaiba turns platforming into a glorified QTE event. You end up automatically moving forward and just pressing the correct button for the next obstacle (eg, jump to jump to the next platform, flail to grab onto a distant hook, etc). This is pretty dull on its own, but there are two annoying issues: 1) the window to press the correct button can be very short, resulting in cheap deaths and, 2) the game introduces an entirely new button prompt halfway through the game without telling you, which will result in several deaths as you sit there wondering what you did wrong (pro-tip: you need to press the cyber fist button to rocket yourself towards an enemy). Suffice to say, this sucks, but at least the game’s pretty generous with checkpoints during these sequences.
  • The Final Boss – Look, I was having such an awful time with Yaiba on normal mode that I decided to lose an entire hour of progress to restart the game on easy, because fuck the idea of playing this game as a challenge. So, with that in mind: I gave up on the final boss, the giant alien god. The bullshit and sheer disrespect to the player was just not worth it. I’m not raging here, the final boss is the cherry on a shit design sundae. First of all, they do a terrible job communicating how the fight should play out. The boss has a bunch of glowing spots on his body, but I apparently was the idiot for thinking that his glowing arms could be attacked as a punish for when the boss did his arm slams, when it was actually an identical glowing spot on his chest that was the target. Then the second phase has him doing more attacks, one of which sees him start spawning in elemental special zombies. This is where the fight becomes utter shite, because nothing else matters except for the fight with these special zombies. The boss has a couple other attacks that it will occasionally do, but they literally do not matter and are nothing more than a waste of your time, patience, and health. When the special zombies spawn in, you have one single chance to land an execution on one of the zombies so you can get their special weapon pickup and then use it on the boss. This is easier said than done too, because these zombies will often interrupt your combos, stopping you from landing the final blow you need to trigger an execution. I kept getting hit on the last attack before the execution, or having the special zombies keel over one-by-one to my fury. Worst of all though, if you fail to get the execution off, you will be stuck waiting at least a minute for the boss to randomly spawn in more enemies. The boss also takes an eternity to go from one attack animation to the next (seriously, there’s a point where you sit there with nothing going on on-screen for nearly twenty seconds). This, combined with the fact that most of the attacks the boss throws at you do nothing but prolong the fight, and that there are no checkpoints makes this an infuriating finale. I gave up, the game was so badly designed that it wasn’t even worth my energy.
  • Graphics – Look, I don’t tend to get too caught up on a game’s graphics if it’s fun, but at a certain point it really needs to get called out. Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z looks terrible for a late PS3/Xbox 360-era game (hell, this game came out after the PS4/Xbox One had launched, so it would have looked even worse at the time). These graphics wouldn’t look impressive on a 3DS, let alone on a seventh generation console, they’re so blocky and low-res. I mean, just look at the textures this game has going for it. “But it’s part of the comic-book art style!”, I can hear some defenders crying. If this was an intentional stylistic choice, then it looks extremely unpleasant. I think it was more likely a matter of time and budget, with the cel shaded style being applied to paper over just how bad everything looked.
  • Fucking Zombies – Zombies were already a tired trend in games before 2014, so seeing Yaiba ditch the series’ normal gameplay for a zombie slash ’em up is just exhausting. You can just tell that some dumbass executive said “everyone loves zombies, how can we force zombies into one of our franchises?” Basic zombies are faced by the dozen and put up zero resistance as you eviscerate them… which is pretty antithetical to Ninja Gaiden‘s traditional gameplay model, where even the most basic enemy can kill you if you get complacent. That said, I don’t mind the basic zombies too much: cutting them down in droves is enjoyable enough on its own. However, it’s the special zombies that are a headache. The various types of special zombies are extremely spongy, taking several combos to defeat, and often require specific attacks or elements to damage. They feel like mini-bosses, except that that you face them constantly, and in multiples. As I’ve said throughout this series, I hate spongy enemies, so this was aggravating for me.
  • It’s Not Ninja Gaiden – At the end of the day, making Yaiba a Ninja Gaiden game brings with it certain expectations that it can’t even come close to measuring up to. You can argue that this isn’t fair to Yaiba and that it should be judged on its own merits, but the game sucks on its own merits too, so that’s fine (not to mention that it came out while fans were still sore from Ninja Gaiden 3, so they were in no position to be charitable to a spin-off).

I already had my expectations lowered by Ninja Gaiden 3, so I was going into Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z at my most charitable. Unfortunately, the game ended up being worse than I could have possibly imagined. Once again I find my list of the 25 worst games I’ve ever played becoming outdated, because Yaiba is easily near the top of that list. I am absolutely shocked at the ineptitude on display here. I desperately would like to find more information about how this game ended up this way, because games do not end up this bad by design.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden 3 (2012)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden 3 and its revised version, Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge. This was the first entry in the modern series without the involvement of Tomonobu Itagaki, who left Tecmo-Koei due to contract disputes. Ninja Gaiden 3 game was reviled on release and, while Razor’s Edge was generally considered a big improvement, it still was not looked on very fondly either. I remember finding Razor’s Edge enjoyable when I first played it, but how does it hold up in 2025? Read on to find out…

As I’ve already kind of spoiled, Ninja Gaiden 3 has had two versions released. Unlike other games with multiple versions in this franchise, the differences between Ninja Gaiden 3 and Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge are quite drastic. We’ll get into the finer differences between them in the Love/Hate sections, but to put it simply:

  • First of all, there was the original release of Ninja Gaiden 3 for PS3 and Xbox 360. This was the game as originally intended and presented, with a combat system which has been changed significantly from the previous two games and with a bunch of trend-chasing “cinematic” moments.
  • Then there was Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor’s Edge, which was first released as a goddamn Wii U exclusive launch title (although this version of the game would get ported to PS3 and Xbox 360 not long thereafter). The game would then be ported again in the Master Collection, identical aside from missing all online features. This overhaul of Ninja Gaiden 3 has the same basic structure, but the combat feels more in-line with the first two Ninja Gaiden games, remixes some mechanics for the better, and jettisons the more unpopular design choices which bogged down the original release.

For this Love/Hate series, I started playing through the original release of Ninja Gaiden 3 on Hard mode, but dropped to Normal halfway through chapter three (we’ll explain why later). I also played through Razor’s Edge on my Steam Deck on Hard mode. I had played Razor’s Edge on PS3 previously, but the original Ninja Gaiden 3 was a completely new experience for me, so it was interesting to get to compare them first-hand.

Also, one last thing before we get into the list: since certain points are specific to certain versions of this game, every Love or Hate bullet-point will specify NG3, RE, or both. This should keep things from getting too confusing and let me keep all my thoughts to one article. Got it? Let’s go.

Love

  • Steel on Bone (RE) – Steel on Bone was one of the flashier new additions in vanilla Ninja Gaiden 3, but its implementation doesn’t change up combat all that much. While it is apparently activated by sliding towards an enemy and making a strong attack, it seems to go off at random, so it’s not really something you come to rely on. Razor’s Edge completely overhauls the mechanic though, to the point where it’s easily my favourite part of the game. Ninja Gaiden 3 introduced the concept that enemies will glow red when they’re making an unblockable attack, but Razor’s Edge changes Steel on Bone so that this red glow signals an opportunity to instantly kill the enemy: land a strong attack on a glowing enemy and you will one-shot them, and then this can be chained to also kill several nearby enemies in the process. Each kill also heals you a little bit as an extra bonus! This makes for a great risk/reward system that feels so satisfying to get good at and helps to deal with the plethora of enemies this game throws at you.
    • In general, the combat system in Razor’s Edge feels quite good. That said, I’m not giving the combat system a whole section of its own, though: much of what makes Razor’s Edge feel good is that it just copies Ninja Gaiden II, with Steel on Bone being the most positive deviation from that template.
  • Dodge Slide (both) – Ninja Gaiden II made the dodge move into a short slide, but it was largely the same idea as the previous game’s dodge roll. Ninja Gaiden 3 indisputably improves this by giving you a fast and lengthy dodge slide. Not only does this let you cover more ground, but it can also be used offensively: if you dodge slide into an enemy, it can knock them off-balance, or even launch them into the air for an instant-kill overhead slash! It’s a pretty small change, but holy crap does it make Ninja Gaiden‘s combat even more fun.
  • Brutality (NG3) – The original release of Ninja Gaiden 3 is trying really hard to be edgy and serious. They really want to make Ryu seem like a monster as he tears through his enemies, and the game demonstrates that to visceral effect. Human enemies will eventually take so much damage that they pitifully stagger, crawl, bleed out from their wounds, scream in terror, surrender, and beg for mercy before you finish them off. This is supposed to make you question the morality of Ryu’s actions but, unfortunately, this is undermined by the fact that it feels awesome to destroy your enemies in such brutal fashion. Hell, the game incentivizes it: special attacks will instantly leave enemies in a dying state, and your ki bar fills faster if you finish them off yourself. It’s very in-your-face, but we rarely get to see games indulge in this kind of brutality, so it gives the game a special sort of identity at least.
    • This is actually one of the few things that Razor’s Edge scrapped that I kind of miss. Like, sure, I’ll take delimbing and obliteration techniques over Ninja Gaiden 3‘s brutality any day of the week, and finishing off these dying enemies can feel like a chore, but goddamn do you feel like an unstoppable beast when you’re in the heat of combat and see multiple enemies crawling in a pathetic bid to escape from you.
  • Upgrade System (RE) – Razor’s Edge adds an upgrade system where you spend karma points earned in-game to get new abilities, weapons, and ninpo (this effectively replaces the old Muramasa shops from the last two games and can be accessed at any time). While I’m kind of annoyed that this effectively paywalls some basic techniques from Ryu’s arsenal, there are some interesting new abilities which balance this out. Furthermore, it really allows you to personalize your playstyle, allowing you to avoid spending karma on abilities you don’t use, or fast-tracking the stuff that matters more to you (eg, my Razor’s Edge run went more smoothly than in vanilla Ninja Gaiden 3, in part because I was able to get a level two sword much earlier to expand my combat options). Ultimately, I’m happy that this system was added and its omission from the base game feels so glaring (especially in that one level where they troll you with the Muramasa shop theme).
  • Ayane is Just the Coolest (RE) – Look, you let me play as Ayane and I’m going to be happy no matter what, but that said, I really enjoyed her bonus chapters in Razor’s Edge! In my opinion, they’re easily the best bonus chapters in the trilogy, largely due to how well Ayane plays. She’s missing some of Ryu’s expertise and diversity, but she’s much faster than he is, without feeling any weaker in the process.
  • A Couple Good Bosses… (both) – Ninja Gaiden games aren’t exactly known for their boss fights (Ninja Gaiden II, in particular, has a bunch of bad ones). Ninja Gaiden 3 actually improves things on that front, giving us some franchise highlight bosses:
    • The first is the Regent of the Mask. While it is annoying that you have to fight him four times over the course of the game, the actual mechanics of the fight are a lot of fun. He’s got a swashbuckling combat style, so his attacks are precise and reasonably-telegraphed to allow you to react. He also gains new tricks with each subsequent battle, so he retains some freshness throughout. Plus it also helps that he’s a really charismatic antagonist!
    • The second is the prototype goddess. This transforming demi-god offers a diversity of combat styles and enjoyably-telegraphed attacks to make the battle feel fair. This fight is even better in Razor’s Edge, where the boss becomes vulnerable to Steel on Bone punishment. You fight a trio of them as Ayane later in the game, which is also quite fun!
    • The third is the doppelganger boss. We would get doppelganger fights on the higher difficulties in Ninja Gaiden Black/Sigma, but here they’re a full-on boss and make for a fun bout. My main issue with them is that the Izuna drop is fucking overpowered, but that’s kind of the point when facing an enemy with the same skills as you, right? It also helps that, if you’re familiar with the weapons it wields, that also means that you’re instantly familiar with its recovery times, so you will know when to go for the punish. Overall, a very tense, fair, and fun showdown with an equally-skilled opponent!
  • Fan Service (both) – Perhaps it doesn’t reflect so well on Ninja Gaiden 3‘s story that its biggest highlights are when it reminds us of better games. That aside, I was legitimately hyped throughout Day Five, which opens with Ryu preparing for the trials ahead of him by returning to the sword graves of the Black Spider Ninja clan to borrow Genshin’s sword. Things just get cooler as we get to explore the Hayabusa village in full-repair, seeing how people live, and getting to see some familiar faces that haven’t been seen since Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword. We get to see Ryu pay his respects at Kureha’s grave once more. And, to top it all off, we then get to spend the second half of the chapter doing a tag-team with Momiji! It’s all meaningless to a non-fan, but my God was this chapter a joy for me specifically.
    • To my great surprise, Razor’s Edge does not change how this chapter plays! It’s definitely the most slow-paced, narrative-centered level in the game, but I love it as a bit of downtime from the dull main plot.
  • The Girls (RE) – So not only can you play two chapters with Ayane, but you can unlock Ayane, Momiji and Kasumi in chapter challenge as playable characters, all with distinct and unique playstyles. This effectively allows you to replay most of the game with whatever character tickles your fancy. This is, quite frankly, an incredible bonus that can essentially get you three additional playthroughs if you want to see everything on offer!

Mixed

  • Ninpo System (both) – One of the more fundamental changes in Ninja Gaiden 3 vs its predecessors is that the ninpo system has been changed pretty drastically:
    • There’s only one ninpo available to you in Ninja Gaiden 3, inferno, but it’s metal as fuck: Ryu summons a giant, flaming dragon, which grabs every enemy in the area and then violently devours them as they scream in terror! It’s designed to be very overpowered, but it comes with some drawbacks. For one thing, ninpo can now only be used if you fill a ki bar by killing several enemies first. You start a combat encounter with no ki and you lose all accumulated ki at the end of the fight (although at least any lost ki gets converted into healing). As a result of these changes, you can’t really use ninpo when you’d like to. In previous Ninja Gaiden games, you could always bank some ninpo uses for if you got into a tight spot, but in Ninja Gaiden 3 you kind of feel forced into using ninpo when you have it. Inferno also feels particularly deflating due to the way enemies spawn in: you’ll wipe out an entire screen of enemies with an awesome animation, and then the game cuts back to Ryu and you’re staring at a screen of enemies as if nothing happened; it’s legitimately deflating.
    • Meanwhile, Razor’s Edge shakes things up a bit by giving you multiple ninpo options, all of which require different amounts of ki to use, which adds some variety and strategy. The overpowered True Inferno is here as well, but only available if you find enough golden scarabs first and it requires a TON of ki to use. The ki meter also does not reset at the start of a combat encounter anymore, so you can bank ninpo for when you need it! However, I just don’t like this ki bar system as much as the essence/item refill system from its predecessors. Functionally, they’re fairly similar: you have to kill a bunch of enemies to get essence, so it’s not that dissimilar… but it just feels worse, and I cannot shake it. I also get really annoyed at some special abilities which use your ki, which I kept accidentally activating.
  • Ultimate Techniques (both) – Ultimate techniques were an aspect of the previous two games that I’ve always been kind of mixed on. On the one hand, they are really flashy and show off the game’s hyperviolence. On the other hand, you can break combat by spamming them, and it feels weird that the game’s “ultimate” move requires you to… just sit and watch for a few seconds. This was always mediated by making you have to charge up an ultimate technique to use it, but Ninja Gaiden 3 shakes this up by making the ultimate technique occur nearly-instantly. To offset this, it can only be done by killing several enemies first, which causes Ryu’s arm to glow, signalling that he can now use an ultimate technique once. I kind of like that this is now a risk-free, screen-clearing reward that you get occasionally… but I also kind of liked that risk that was inherent in the old system. Not being able to have an ultimate technique in your back pocket when you need it also kind of sucks. I dunno, this is a real “mixed” entry if I ever saw one.

Hate

  • The Health System (both) – One of the most fundamental changes made to Ninja Gaiden 3 is the way healing and damage works. The game has a similar sort of system to Ninja Gaiden II, where you automatically heal at the end of a combat encounter, but every time you take damage, a chunk of your health bar goes away until you can reach a save point. Ninja Gaiden II was pretty forgiving about this though: you could get blue essence in combat to heal passively (and even restore some of the lost health bar if you did well enough), and you had plenty of healing items to use in a pinch. Ninja Gaiden 3, on the other hand, has removed essence and healing items entirely. As you’d expect, this leads to a lot of frustration in a franchise this difficult:
    • Every bit of damage you take in this game feels so punishing, especially if it happens right after a save point. You have very little margin for error or forgiveness for making a mistake. You only get a couple saves per chapter, with lots of combat encounters in between them, so every bit of health bar you lose makes each subsequent encounter that much more difficult. This is especially true with boss encounters, who have much more health than previous Ninja Gaiden games and can instantly one-shot you if you have taken too much damage going into the fight. This is the main reason I dropped from Hard to Normal in vanilla Ninja Gaiden 3: I was having such a miserable time with the game, that the “challenge” wasn’t even worth it. Normal is certainly a lot easier, but at least it doesn’t leave you raging the entire time.
    • Also of note: Ninja Gaiden 3 is pretty generous with checkpoints, but this actually works against the healing system. The game doesn’t reset damage upon death, so if you made some mistakes and reached a checkpoint, then you now have to either reset from the last save, or persevere with your diminished health bar. This is especially bad during boss fights, since you’re trying to learn the boss’s patterns and are inevitably going to take damage during their first phase doing so.
    • In Ninja Gaiden 3, the only way to heal damage during combat is to use ninpo which, as I’ve said, can take a while to charge up when you really need it. As a result, the game often feels like this anxious race to fire off your ninpo attack or die trying. Ninpo is also in short supply during a boss fight, so you’re generally expected to get through a multi-phase boss fight with no healing at all. Suffice to say, this feels incredibly punishing at times, especially if you go into the boss fight already damaged.
    • Razor’s Edge is a little more forgiving: while you get less health back from ninpo attacks, ninpo is much more reliable since it doesn’t reset at the start of every encounter, and you now regain a bit of health when you successfully execute a Steel on Bone attack. If you find enough Golden Scarabs, you can also purchase up to five health upgrades, which fully heal you when used. These are incredibly useful for some of the bosses you’ll encounter towards the end of the game. That said, I’d prefer if they had brought back healing items, but the entire game was balanced around this health system, and I imagine that they didn’t have enough time to rebalance everything if this was implemented.
  • The Story (both) – The modern Ninja Gaiden games were never really known for their stories, so it can be kind of jarring to remember that the NES games were ground-breaking for their commitment to narrative. I think that that legacy made Team Ninja want to put a lot more emphasis on the story in Ninja Gaiden 3. To some respect, they succeeded: the narrative sure is a lot more involved and complex here… however, it also sucks, which makes it feel significantly worse than the simple and shallow stories of the prior two games:
    • First of all, focusing the entire narrative around accusing Ryu Hayabusa of being a murderer is just plain dumb. Metal Gear Rising had the same issue, and it largely stems from the same problem: we know that the protagonist is a killer, and we do not care. Every person Ryu has killed has been a kill-or-be-killed situation. Hell, he spent the entirety of the last two games stopping demons from taking over the world and killing everyone. Having the bad guys (who do forced experiments on humans and are trying to commit a global genocide) lecture me about morality is just fucking idiotic. It’s like they’re trying to pull off a big Bioshock-style twist, but lack anything substantial to say. If anything, Razor’s Edge‘s story actually feels even more half-assed since the over-the-top brutality and sequences where Ryu cuts down surrendering enemies have been removed – say what you will about the original Ninja Gaiden 3‘s approach, but at least it committed to its stupid story.
    • Secondly, the overarching narrative here makes little sense. The bad guys’ entire plan is, apparently, to draw Ryu Hayabusa out to get access to the blood of the dragon lineage, which they need to create a new god to remake the world. But also, they need him to get close to Canna, so that she can see him inadvertently kill her father (who has been brainwashed and is serving the bad guys), causing Canna to freak out and transform into their prophesied goddess… Oh, and all this was being orchestrated by a fucking nerd in the Japanese military who they knew was crooked, but let him do as he pleased so they could try to figure out what his angle is… also, that nerd wants to fuck his niece, fucking what?
    • Thirdly, I know I gushed about the fifth chapter and all its fanservice, but for a game that’s trying to tell a compelling narrative, it makes no sense to spend a substantial chunk of the middle-portion of the game going off on an entirely superfluous side-quest with a bunch of enemies and characters who have no bearing on the plot. Again, it’s probably my favourite part of the game, but that alone should be kind of damning for how poor the main plot is.
    • Lastly, one of the more controversial aspects of Ninja Gaiden 3 is how it changes how characters were established in the prior two games. Specifically, I’ve seen people complain that Ryu is suddenly being forced into being a father figure for Canna, he takes his mask off, Ayane is suddenly “a bitch”, amongst other things. For what it’s worth, I feel like these particular complaints are actually just Ninja Gaiden 3 caring more about fitting in with established canon with the wider Ninja Gaiden/Dead or Alive universe. Ryu has taken his mask off in Dragon Sword and the Dead or Alive games, not to mention the NES trilogy. Dragon Sword established that he gets along well with the kids in the Hayabusa village (and, honestly, it fills me with joy to see him so caring and respectful to them). The issue isn’t so much that he’s good with kids, it’s that they really force the idea of him really wanting to be a father to her. As for Ayane, her character in Razor’s Edge is far more in-line with her portrayal in Dead or Alive and is far more interesting than her nothing-burger personality in the first couple Ninja Gaiden games.
  • Spongy Enemies (NG3) – As I’ve said many times in the past, I hate games with spongey enemies. In general, it shouldn’t take more than a single combo or a few bullets to kill basic enemies. Well, because Ninja Gaiden 3 removed the delimbing/obliteration technique system from the previous game, you are almost always having to reduce enemies to zero hit points to kill them, which often takes more than a single combo for even a basic enemy. As if that wasn’t tedious on its own, they spawn in in staggered waves: I don’t know how many times I cleared an area after a lengthy fight, only to see more fucking enemies approach. I literally said “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?” on two separate occasions due to this. Making matters worse, there’s little more deflating that firing off a screen-clearing ninpo move, only to see every single enemy you just killed respawned back in before the animation has even ended. It makes combat a total slog and is the number one reason why Razor’s Edge is a vastly superior game to the original Ninja Gaiden 3.
    • It’s worth noting that, in the last couple chapters of Ninja Gaiden 3, enemies suddenly lose their sponginess and start dying like flies (even previously-tanky enemies like the alchemists). You haven’t gotten any power-ups or upgrades to cause this, the game just suddenly decides that you do more damage now. Honestly, it makes the game far more fun since you no longer have to deal with its arbitrary, tedious bullshit anymore, even if it throws the idea of challenge completely out the window.
  • “Appealing to the West” (NG3) – A lot of this game’s issues can be traced back to the insecurity of the Japanese game publishing scene in the late 2000s to early 2010s. Capcom really spear-headed this idea of “appealing to the west” by discarding the quirks of Japanese culture in favour of more Westernized appeal. Bionic Commando, Dead Rising, Lost Planet, Dark Void, and Resident Evil 5 were some of the early examples we got of this, and they only got more generic and bloated as time went on, as this morphed into a bunch of trend-chasing which grew stale immediately: copious amounts of QTEs, slow walking narrative segments that grind the narrative to a halt, gimmicky stealth sequences (which show up twice at the start of the game and then never happen again), a fucking turret section, and bombastic set-pieces that look cool but take all control away from you. It’s all just a bunch of guff that adds nothing to the game and makes it more tedious to play through.
    • Of particular note, there’s a special place in hell for the person who forced kunai and rope climbing into the game. Having to alternate L1 + R1 just to move forward is annoying and legitimately starts to hurt your hands during some of the longer sequences.
  • …And Some Awful Bosses (both) – While Ninja Gaiden 3 does have some of the franchise’s best bosses, it’s a double-edged sword because it also has some of the absolute worst in the franchise:
    • First of all, there’s a fucking giant helicopter. This isn’t that bad at first, but there are three phases, so by the time you reach the third phase your health bar is going to be a sliver as you try to dodge missiles, bombs, swooping attacks and a bunch of adds spawning in. The only reason I managed to get through this is because I found out you can tap R3 while aiming your bow to slow down time to line up your shots, which the game doesn’t bother telling you.
    • The Giganotosaurus boss fight is also really stupid. If you go in having already taken damage, it will straight-up one-shot you. You have very little margin for error with this boss, which is why they made her incredibly stupid with a trivialized pattern – she’ll run around the arena, and then trip and fall on her own face, giving you a ton of time to get in easy damage. You basically have to do the entire fight in a very specific way to avoid dying, it’s more about trial and error than any actual skill.
    • Then there’s Obaba, who shows up in chapter five after getting her ass handed to herself in Dragon Sword and Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2. She’s honestly more of a God of War boss than a Ninja Gaiden one: she’s enormous, and you spend the entire fight battling basic enemies, occasionally firing a shot at her, and popping some pimples to kill her. This fight was honestly kind of embarrassing when I got to it in Razor’s Edge – having already learned the process in Ninja Gaiden 3, I breezed through it in a single try having barely taken any damage, despite being on a harder difficulty.
    • Then there’s the double spider tank battle. The initial spider tank battle at the start of the game isn’t too bad, aside from its spamming of missiles and shockwaves, which force you to endlessly dodge for the entire fight and make going on offense incredibly risky. However, having two spider tanks blasting away at you the entire time just gets ridiculous. To make matters worse, you then have another boss fight immediately after with no chance to heal. Thankfully, that boss fight isn’t very difficult, but you’ll likely have so little health left by that point that a single hit could kill you. On Normal mode I could just tank the damage, but on Hard mode it was incredibly frustrating.
    • Finally, there’s the Goddess, the final boss. Honestly, I didn’t find it too bad in vanilla Ninja Gaiden 3 on Normal mode… but in Razor’s Edge on Hard mode? Holy fucking shit this fight is stupid. The first (and hardest) part of the fight is immediately after the last Regent fight, so you come in without a full health bar. You then spend at least a couple minutes killing some of the most annoying enemies in the game while the boss spams you with projectiles and arm slams, all while you have to max charge your ki meter to pull off a special ninpo attack. If you survive this (and, if you have not packed at least one of your health bar upgrades, you probably will not), then the second half of the fight is not quite as bad. The worst part of it is that you will get spammed with even more projectiles, and the Goddess will occasionally swing a sword at you which you need to be very precise to dodge. Honestly, she wasn’t quite as bad for me as the giant helicopter was, but I totally understand why people fucking hate her.
  • Just… So Many NG3 Things (NG3, obviously) – Look, I can go on and on complaining about Ninja Gaiden 3‘s myriad of boneheaded decisions, but this article is long enough, so it’s time for a lightning round of smaller-scale bullshit: you only have one weapon for the entire game with zero upgrades, you only get one ninpo technique, the time-wasting grip of murder sequences, bosses don’t have health bars, no obliteration techniques, extremely linear level design… oh, and the fucking main menu. Yes, I’m serious here, I started this game and was immediately turned off by the main menu, which is sideways for no reason at all. What kind of idiot designs a sideways main fucking menu!??? Like, this sounds like nitpicking, and I wouldn’t care if the rest of the game was great… but when your very first impression of the game is bafflement over the ground-level basics like that, it says something about the idiocy behind this game’s design. (For the record, Razor’s Edge fixed the main menu, which told me right away that they understood the assignment.)

Ninja Gaiden 3 is a tale of two halves. The original release is a baffling and tedious experience, undermined by so many bone-headed decisions. Razor’s Edge, while still bogged down by the story, bosses, and a questionable health system, is a major improvement. It makes for a really interesting lesson on game design: Razor’s Edge is fundamentally the same game in many ways, but with some well-considered changes to the combat system, and cutting out a bunch of useless, trend-chasing guff, you can go from “one of the worst games I’ve played” to a really fun experience overall. I’d still agree that it’s easily the weakest entry in the modern trilogy, but Razor’s Edge is well worth playing! As for the original Ninja Gaiden 3? It’s nice to check it out as a curiosity, but it’s unquestionably an inferior experience. If you must try it, then just do it on Normal mode and save yourself the frustration.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden II (2008)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden II, which was originally released in 2008 on the Xbox 360. This was the first Ninja Gaiden game I played, which means that, in addition to getting me into this franchise, it was also the catalyst for my obsession with the Dead or Alive movie and games. I liked it at the time, but does the game hold up in 2025? Read on to find out…

As usual for this franchise, there are a ton of different versions of this game. However, Ninja Gaiden II has probably the most splintered and non-definitive release history in the franchise:

  • First off, there’s the original Xbox 360 version (which I will refer to as “OG”). This version stands out due to the hordes of aggressive enemies you’ll face. Combat has been balanced so that enemies are more numerous, but they die faster than in later re-releases. The difficulty can occasionally get downright unfair about halfway through the game, and there are some lazy, recycled boss encounters in the final stretch which are excised in future releases.
  • Then there’s Sigma 2 on PS3 (I will refer to this version as “Sigma“). This version added a bunch of things (most notably, bonus chapters for Momiji, Rachel, and Ayane), and changed and remixed enemy encounters to be less frustrating (including removing most of the water and ranged combat sequences). However, there’s two major caveats to this:
    • The number of enemies on-screen has been noticeably reduced, and their health has been increased to compensate. This results in a game that has large combat arenas which feel kind of empty, while also making combat a somewhat grindier affair.
    • To make matters worse, the fountains of blood and gore have also been removed, which further makes combat less satisfying.
  • Then there was Sigma 2 Plus for the PS Vita (most commentary about falls under the Sigma umbrella, but if I need to refer to this version in particular, I’ll call it “Sigma Plus“). This version adds more new content to Sigma, including more difficulty modes, costumes, game modes, and it restores the gore. However, this version suffers immensely from really poor performance: the game will dip below 30 FPS regularly, the resolution will also get lowered dynamically to try to compensate, and the game’s frequently interrupted by load times… Unfortunately, this makes the game really difficult to recommend.
  • Then there was Sigma 2 on the Ninja Gaiden Master Collection (again, if I am referring to this game, it’ll be under the “Sigma” umbrella). This version is based on Sigma Plus, but with much better performance… however, for some ungodly reason, they removed the gore again. WHY…!?!!
  • Finally, we recently got Ninja Gaiden 2 Black (which I will refer to as “Black“). This version is running on Sigma code in Unreal Engine 5, making it far and away the most graphically impressive version of the game thus far. While it is based on Sigma, several encounters have been removed or remixed in order to bring it closer to the OG version, ultimately landing somewhere in between OG and Sigma. While it does not have quite the enemy count or aggressive chaos of OG, it also has all of the gameplay improvements of Sigma, leading to a much less frustrating experience, making it probably the best version of the game for new players.

For this Love/Hate series, I played through Ninja Gaiden II on Xbox 360 backwards compatibility and Ninja Gaiden 2 Black on PC. I played through both on path of the warrior (aka, hard mode). I also played some Sigma 2 Plus during the course of this review (this is the version I originally played back when I first tried the series) and some of the Master Collection version of Sigma 2. My thoughts here are based on a general overview of the various versions, but if any opinions are specific to one version, I will note that.

Love

  • Classic Hack ‘N Slash Gameplay – Goddammit, I cannot believe I’m saying this about a game released on the Xbox 360, but the gameplay here leaves me nostalgic. This game was released pre-Dark Souls, in the era before action games slowed their pace, gave everyone stamina bars, and discouraged blocking. That’s not to say that I don’t like Souls games (far from it!), but their gameplay style has become so ubiquitous that it’s a legitimate breath of fresh air to go back to this kind of fast-paced, free-form character action. This game is just pure, unadulterated mayhem as you slice through swarms of enemies at high speed and try to avoid getting killed in the process. Even the 360-era jank that we’ve refined away over the years (camera issues, weird collision detection, etc) just fuels the nostalgia at this point, although I also never really felt like they presented me with any hurdles in my playthrough.
  • Combat – It should probably go without saying, but Ninja Gaiden II really nails the feel of combat. While the first game had a very deliberate pace to every encounter, Ninja Gaiden II‘s combat is pure chaos, a flurry of blades and blood as you try to kill your enemies faster than they kill you. You feel like an absolute badass as you effortlessly cut through enemies, and the dismemberment/gore acts as the crimson cherry on top (which is a big reason why I am not a fan of most of the Sigma versions of this game; the fountains of blood make every kill so satisfying). Making it through an encounter while sustaining minimal damage really feels great, and it nails the fantasy of being the ultimate ninja badass.
  • Healing – For how hard these games are, I really like how fair Ninja Gaiden II feels with its healing. Whereas the first Ninja Gaiden forced you to rely on health elixirs and blue essence to stave off damage, you could be reasonably expected to minimize damage if you were playing carefully, and you had enough resources available to make a reasonable number of mistakes not feel overly punishing. In contrast, Ninja Gaiden II throws so much at you that it expects you to take damage, and it has given you way more opportunities to heal as a result. Every time you take damage, a small amount of HP will no longer be available unless you use an item or find an unused save point to clear it. However, after every enemy encounter ends, the rest of your HP bar will refill. As a result, the game is designed under the assumption that you’re going into each fight with plenty of health, and encounters can be balanced accordingly. This also means that, even if you make a mistake and lose a lot of health, you’re never too far from the next full heal. Even then, you can carry up to six healing items on you, so you have options to mitigate mistakes if needed. It’s a great system, easily the best implementation of healing items in the franchise, in my opinion.
  • Volf – This greater fiend is an absolute chad. First of all, he’s a demon werewolf, which instantly makes me love him. However, what really makes him great is how much respect he has for Ryu Hayabusa. He relishes a challenge and is legitimately excited to face off against us in one-on-one combat. His boss fight is easily one of the more enjoyable ones in the game too, and it all culminates in this great moment where we defeat him and add his special scythe to our arsenal.
  • Genshin – Speaking of great bosses, Genshin is also a fantastic rival for Ryu Hayabusa. As a leader of the rival Black Spider Clan Ninjas, he gets to show off his strength a few times in the story. We discover that he harbours a hatred of the Hayabusa clan after his brother was killed by Murai… which, honestly, is a really fair justification for his actions. When Ryu finally defeats him, he reveals that his actions came from a legitimate conviction that he was doing what was best for his clan’s future. In turn, Ryu shows him a ton of respect, taking his sword to honour him and kicking Elizรฉbet’s ass when she disrespects the fallen warrior’s corpse. He’s just a solid antagonist and a great foil for Ryu, helping to provide some depth to both characters. Hell, you fight the guy four times over the course of the game, but it doesn’t get old at all.
  • Flying Fortress Daedalus – While I enjoyed most of the chapters in Ninja Gaiden II, I have to give special shout-out to Flying Fortress Daedalus, which sees Ryu and Sonia infiltrating a massive flying ninja fortress and then dismantling it from the inside out. This seems like it should be pretty difficult to pull off from a level-design perspective, but the layout of the level makes enough sense to be believable, the enemies are relentless, and there’s so much bombastic action that the entire thing would make Michael Bay jealous. In a game that is all about making you feel like the ultimate ninja badass, Flying Fortress Daedalus was the absolute pinnacle of that for me.
  • The Story – Look, don’t get me wrong here: Ninja Gaiden II‘s narrative is extremely simple and utter nonsense. In fact, it’s somehow even more dumbed down than the first game was, with zero character development or twists: the fiends and Black Spider ninjas have stolen the demon statue and are trying to resurrect the Archfiend, it’s up to Ryu to stop them. However, this narrative does exactly what it needs to do, and shuffles Ryu off from new locale to new locale, keeping things fresh and interesting as it goes. There’s a very campy and fun tone, which works much better than the original game’s much more serious tone did. It’s trash, but it’s the most exquisite trash you could ask for, and really cements Ryu as the ultimate ninja badass.
  • Black Spider Clan Ninjas – By far the most fun enemies to fight are the standard Black Spider Clan ninjas. They die fast, their limbs and viscera are flying everywhere as soon as you start fighting them, and you mow them down by the dozen… but if you’re playing sloppily, then they can melt your health bar uncomfortably fast. They’re a great standard enemy type and every time they show up, it’s a treat.
  • The Staircase – There’s a legendary sequence in the return to Hayabusa Village level near the end of the game which fans of the series just refer to as “the staircase” or, more affectionately, “the staircase of doom”. Put simply, it’s a seemingly endless, straight staircase which leads directly up the mountainside. By the time you get to it, you’ve already been in a couple substantial fights, so you’re itching to get to a save point. Luckily for you, there’s one at the top of the staircase. Unluckily for you, you’ll just have to fight your way through dozens and dozens of ninjas swarming you to get there. It’s an exhilarating fight to experience, as you struggle to deal with the barrage of enemies attacking you from all angles, managing your health and resources to endure the onslaught, while the music just gets more and more hype the further in you get, all while under the knowledge that you are desperately needing to get to that next save point. It’s everything great about Ninja Gaiden II, distilled into one small slice of gameplay.
    • Note: this sequence is kind of nerfed in Sigma due to the lower enemy count and higher health pool of enemies. OG and Black though? Glorious.

Mixed

  • Linear Level Design – Honestly, if Ninja Gaiden games were always linear experiences, I wouldn’t even complain about the level design in this game. However, one of the best aspects of Ninja Gaiden 2004 was its exploration and hub-based level design, which has been completely jettisoned in Ninja Gaiden II in favour of a bunch of purely linear corridors. This does play into this game’s sole focus of throwing hundreds of enemies at you at a relentless pace, but it sucks that an aspect of the previous game’s formula is just gone entirely. Not only that, but it also renders most of your cool ninja moves, like wall running, mostly useless outside of a handful of sequences where you are forced to use them to progress.
  • The Girls’ Chapters – Considering how mediocre Rachels’ chapters were in the original Sigma, it should probably come as no surprise that Ninja Gaiden II‘s bonus chapters where you get to play as Momiji, Rachel, and Ayane aren’t particularly great. They are basically asset flips, reusing levels and bosses from the main game, and overall they just aren’t as fun as the main chapters. However, as a big fan of this franchise, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that these levels were really exciting regardless. Sure, they completely halt the game’s pacing and I still don’t even particularly like how Rachel plays, but goddamn is it great to see Momiji and Ayane in action (especially in crisp, ultra-detailed HD in 2 Black)! I also appreciate how differently they all play from Ryu, which helps make these chapters short, enjoyable distractions, rather than a slog. I legitimately felt their absence during my playthrough of the OG game and missed the little break and freshened gameplay they would provide.
  • Sigma 2 – Don’t get me wrong: all versions of Ninja Gaiden II are fun and perfectly playable, and there are some good changes that have been made to the base game… but, my God, Sigma leaves me with a real sour taste in my mouth. Like I said before, I hate spongey enemies in any video game, so making enemies arbitrarily have to take more hits to kill just sucks. Even then, the lack of gore removes a major component of what makes combat feel so satisfying. Honestly, it’s no so different that it ruins the entire experience. Likewise, if it’s the only version of the game you’ve ever played, then it’s close enough that you don’t necessarily need to try a different version. But if you’ve sampled any other version of Ninja Gaiden II, you can’t help but feel that it’s a fundamentally compromised vision. I’d definitely recommend checking out OG or Black at this point rather than Sigma if you have the opportunity.
Look, I’m so excited about a new Dead or Alive character appearance in 2025 that I had to break my usual formatting rules for these articles so I could include a pic of Ayane!

Hate

  • The Bosses – Unfortunately, while the pre-Souls era action combat is one of the best aspects of this game, it also means that Ninja Gaiden II carries over that era’s terrible boss design philosophy. Bosses in the first Ninja Gaiden weren’t exactly amazing, but they were enjoyable enough to fight and felt reasonably fair (even with their auto-blocks). Most bosses here are a joke, spamming a handful of moves and taking a ton of damage with every hit. However, there are a few bosses which are just bullshit:
    • Basically any boss that you have to use the bow to kill is incredibly tedious (looking at you water dragon, the Quetzalcoatls and, egregiously, the Archfiend – what idiot makes the final boss of their hack ‘n slash ninja combat game only able to be hurt by the bow?!).
    • Perhaps the most notorious boss in the game across all of its versions, the Fire Armadillo is fucking bullshit. When it gets low on health it rains down a constant barrage of flaming meteors which will hit you if you stay still for even a fraction of a second. Oh, and this is an endurance fight as well, so good luck dealing with that while also doing damage. It got bad enough that I just had to try to cheese the fight. The armadillo’s head takes more damage than anywhere else, so you can spam the Flying Swallow technique with a level 3 Dragon Sword to get decent damage in on the boss at least relatively safely… and I say “relatively” here, because this move will occasionally open you up to a bite attack that erases half your health bar in one go. Still, it’s better than slogging through this fight any other way.
      • OG has an extra “fuck you” in store as it is the only version with a bonus double fucking fire armadillo boss fight. It’s about as bullshit as you’d expect that to be.
    • Oh and special shout-out to the last couple chapters, where you go to the underworld have to re-fight every major boss again (only this time with a bunch of adds that you need to deal with). These sorts of boss rehashes always feel like transparent attempts to extend the game’s runtime just a bit longer, and it really hurts the pacing in the final levels as a result.
  • Claw Ninjas – This is just me venting here, but goddammit I hate the guys that I like to call “claw ninjas”. They are very fast, constantly on the move, have more health than most other ninja enemies, and they can decimate your health bar before you even realize it, especially on higher difficulties. They get even worse in the latter half of the game when they start spamming incendiary kunai faster than you can react… oh, speaking of which…
  • Explosive Spam – The explosive spam in this game gets ridiculous. Enemies will constantly bombard you with rocket launchers and explosive kunai, which become so oppressive that you can barely even see what’s going on due to all the explosions. It is, quite frankly, stupid. Making matters worse, if you get hit by an explosive, it stuns you momentarily, but there are so many projectiles getting launched at once that you can easily get stun locked without realizing it due to the screen-filling explosions.
    • Note: this problem is better or worse, depending on the version of the game you’re playing and the difficulty mode chosen. OG is probably the worst for this, with even the standard difficulties featuring the aforementioned claw ninjas and enemies firing rocket launchers that fire a half dozen rockets every couple seconds, only to spawn even more of the fuckers out of nowhere from behind you. Sigma and Black tone it down significantly to save that sort of shit for the highest difficulties.
  • Xbox 360 Version-specific Bullshit – The OG version of Ninja Gaiden II is probably my preferred version of the game, thanks to its more chaotic and fast combat. However, I can’t deny that it has some particular bullshit that I’m glad its re-releases improved upon and make me dread the idea of a replay…
    • First of all, the camera is constantly causing you trouble. I saw people complaining about the camera in Black, but it rarely bothered me. In OG Ninja Gaiden II though? All the time. It’s sluggish to control and doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with you at times. It’s at its apex towards the end of the game when you have bosses that the camera locks onto, causing the hordes of adds that they spawn in to be constantly attacking you from off-screen.
    • Enemy projectile spam is prevalent in this version of the game, which, for a hack ‘n slash game, is about as annoying as you’d expect it to be. It’s so bad that even the fucking werewolves in this version have a ranged attack (which, hilariously, involves them chucking the eviscerated torso of one of their comrades at you). This just gets worse in the later levels when the ranged projectiles start turning into the aforementioned constant explosive spam. Chapter 8 in particular is damn-near ruined due to the incessant explosives.
    • This version of the game clearly wanted to make water combat a thing. However, they didn’t account for one thing: fighting while in the water SUUUUUCKS. Not only is your movement much more difficult, but one wrong button press and you get thrown underwater, where you will inevitably take multiple hits with no way to defend yourself.
    • Ninja Gaiden II was the last game released by Dead or Alive creator and Ninja Gaiden director Tomonobu Itagaki, who left Tecmo-Koei prior to the game’s release and was feuding with upper management. It is speculated that Ninja Gaiden II was not fully completed as a result of this, which would explain some of the really questionable design choices in this game. In particular, chapters 8 and 9 (Russia and the first South America level) are just fucking bullshit. Chapter 8 is a pain in the fucking ass thanks to the endless explosive spam. Meanwhile, Chapter 9 has some of the most blatantly unfinished level design and boss fights this side of Lost Izalith. I was extremely close to just giving up on the chapter 9 boss fight, but I persevered and, thankfully, the game improved significantly again. That said, the boss rush gauntlet in this version of the game gets really infuriating, with the aforementioned double fire armadillo fight at the very start making me want to rage (especially because, if you forget to backtrack to a save point, there’s three pretty challenging encounters after it until you are able to find your next checkpoint, so if you die, you have to redo the entire fight again…).

Ninja Gaiden II is a fun time. It’s unfortunate that there are so many disparate versions of the game, all with their own unique qualities, but at the end of the day, they’re all Ninja Gaiden II: you’re going to enjoy yourself one way or another. While I do think that the linear level design is disappointing, and the last couple chapters are a bit of a slog, this is still a very solid and fun game that is well worth experiencing.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden – Dragon Sword (2008)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series on IC2S! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword, a curious little interquel released on the Nintendo DS. This game was very experimental, using the DS in unconventional ways to play the entire experience with the stylus rather than a traditional button layout. I’ve played enough gimmicky handheld experiences to be pretty leery about such experiments: would Dragon Sword turn out any better? Read on to find out…

Unlike many other entries in this franchise, Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword only had the one release, that being on Nintendo DS, with no subsequent revisions or re-releases. For this article, I played through the game on Normal mode on my 3DS… and thank God I did. I can’t even imagine trying to emulate this game on my Retroid Pocket 4 Pro or Steam Deck: this game is intrinsically designed around the DS’s hardware.

Love

  • Momiji!!! – Dragon Sword marks the franchise introduction of Momiji and, as you may have garnered from her S-ranking in my tier list of Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden characters, that wins this game major points from me! I can distinctly remember when this game came out, as the preview images of Momiji’s bright and cheerful art contrasted with Ryu’s darker, more serious design started my love affair with her character. While she doesn’t get to do a whole lot in this game, there is a secret mode where, if you beat the first boss as Momiji (which you are supposed to lose against), then you’ll get to play through the game as her instead of Ryu (well, technically you’re playing an identical ninja called “Rin”, but it’s literally just Momiji so they don’t have to explain why she’s saving herself from the Black Spider Clan).
  • Fan Service! – I don’t even mean this in the usual way you’d expect from Team Ninja (in fact, Dragon Sword is very restrained in that regard). Dragon Sword is an absolute treat for hardcore fans of this franchise’s world, narrative, characters, and their relationships with one another. I was squealing with glee so often as we get new details about this strange setting that we just would not get from a more traditional Ninja Gaiden experience. Like, the game opens with Muramasa visiting Kureha’s grave, immediately rectifying one of my issues with Ninja Gaiden (2004)’s story. We get to meet a bunch of the denizens of the Hayabusa village and see how they go about their lives. We get to see more about the people, culture and methods of the rival Black Spider Clan (who, at this time, would have only been known to fans for their mysterious cameos in Ninja Gaiden [2004], and would get further fleshed out in Ninja Gaiden II). We re-visit several areas from Ninja Gaiden (2004), so there’s a sense of comforting familiarity when traversing the world map. The game also acts as the payoff for Rachel’s chapters in Ninja Gaiden Sigma: she spends some time hunting for the twin greater fiends, Ishtaros and Nicchae, and even gets captured by them after an unwinnable boss fight. In Dragon Sword, Ishtaros and Nicchae are the primary antagonists. If you’re obsessed with this world like I am, then this is all just awesome to behold.
  • Character Art – I love Mariko Hirokane, Hiroki Omote, Natsuko Kawakami and Shuichi Wada’s manga-style cutscenes and character art in this game! It’s easily some of the most memorable character art in the modern franchise and gives Dragon Sword a lot of charm. I just wish I had an artbook for this game so I could appreciate it at my own pace!
  • Left/Right-handed Options – As a southpaw, I just have to say: THANK GOD Team Ninja added in options to change the hand you use to play the game! It’s something that could easily get overlooked, but I appreciate that I was considered.

Mixed

  • Stylus Controls – Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword‘s big gimmick is that the entire game is played using the stylus and holding the DS sideways like a storybook. This sounds like a terrible idea, but the execution is pretty flawless, even if its implementation results in compromises to the overall experience. The gestures that you need to use to perform an action (tap to throw a shuriken, swipe up to jump, swipe to the side to do a sword slash, etc) are intuitive and specific, to the point where I was rarely performing a gesture I did not intend to. It also allows for some pretty unique and distinctive gameplay, since there are very few games with this kind of gimmick. So, yeah, you can play an entire Ninja Gaiden game using just a stylus, that’s cool! Would I want them to release another game with the same control scheme? Hell no. It works, but I would, without hesitation, prefer a more traditional and precise control scheme any day of the week. Hell, I’d be excited if they somehow figured out a way to rerelease this game with a traditional control scheme, which should really illustrate my feelings on this game’s gimmicks.
    • Also, on a related note: holding the DS one-handed this way starts to hurt after a while. Thankfully the game is not particularly long, so this is somewhat mitigated, but I was noticing some strain in my hands after each play session.

Hate

  • Reused Assets – Very early in Dragon Sword you end up back in the Hayabusa village. “Oh cool!” I said, recognizing the exact layout from Ninja Gaiden (2004). The game uses a prerendered isometric style like the PS1 Resident Evil and Final Fantasy games, so they had clearly took the Hayabusa village assets from the previous game and then used them to make the game’s backgrounds. This was neat the first time… but then we go back to the Vigoorian Monastery… and then the Underground Sanctuary… and then the fiend realm… and it just keeps going on from there, very few areas in this game are wholly original. I get that reusing assets is a great way to save time and work, but at a certain point, they become distracting. Not only that, but they also draw attention to all the other ways this game is reusing assets from Ninja Gaiden (2004) and Ninja Gaiden II: sound effects, music, animations, enemies, and nearly the entire boss roster from Ninja Gaiden (including the main antagonists of this game) are lifted wholesale.
  • Graphics – The Nintendo DS wasn’t exactly known for its 3D graphics, but Dragon Sword‘s 3D models just look bad. You’d hope that the pre-rendered backgrounds would help to be able to allocate more graphical horsepower to the character models with this, but no. Despite having the entire DS’s computing power at their disposal, the character models are so muddy that I can barely tell what I’m looking at. This is especially true for the reused character models (probably because, again, they weren’t intended to be seen at resolutions this low).
  • Combat is Dull – While using the stylus to control the entire game works a lot better than you’d expect, that’s not to say that it’s all that great an experience. The novelty wears off pretty quickly and combat soon becomes rather dull. While you can pull off specific techniques when you want, there’s only a few available, and your only weapon is the titular Dragon Sword. Enemies also don’t present much of a challenge, and you never have more than three NPCs on-screen at once, so you soon just get into the rhythm of trying to get combat over as quickly as possible. This means that you’ve got lots of encounters where you’re just mindlessly slashing enemies a few times over and over and over and over until they stop respawning. I just feel that this is an unavoidable issue with making this game only playable with the stylus: to keep the game easy to remember, you can only have a handful of commands implemented. Furthermore, as the stylus provides a less-precise control method, the game needs to be much more forgiving than with a controller, so you’re rarely in any danger of death. It just makes for a game where combat is a bit of a slog.
  • Dodge Rolls – One of the few commands in the game that involves any button presses, you can dodge roll by pressing any face button and then swiping the screen. You’d think that Ryu would go in the direction you swipe… but no, for some reason, if you just dodged in one direction, a second swipe in the same direction will often cause Ryu to go back to where he just was. I don’t understand why they’d do it this way, it makes zero sense. It’s especially infuriating when you’re trying to get past environmental obstacles and end up taking damage when Ryu rolls back and forth right into a bunch of spikes.
  • The Story – Okay, I shouldn’t expect much from a Ninja Gaiden game’s story, but Dragon Sword‘s narrative is pretty disappointing. It starts off intriguingly as Momiji is captured by the Black Spider Clan and then Ryu encounters the denizens of the Hayabusa village. However, it soon turns into a repetitive fetch quest until Ryu is able to rescue Momiji. While I do like some of the subtler moments (you can tell that Ryu feels guilty for Kureha’s death and is extra protective of Momiji as a result), the narrative is just far too shallow overall.
    • Making matters worse, the recycled assets certainly don’t help matters much. All the reused locations and bosses make the narrative forgettable.
  • Voice Commands – While the stylus controls work pretty well in this game, Dragon Sword gets a bit too cute with its gimmicks by asking you to speak into the DS microphone to wake up Muramasa or flush out hidden spirit birds. Unfortunately, the voice recognition is not great in my experience, and I was having to loudly repeat commands multiple times to get it to register, much to the confusion and chagrin of my family.

I was left a bit disappointed by Dragon Sword. I had always heard that it was a great game and had been excited for years to try it, but its gimmicky controls and repetitive gameplay wore thin pretty quickly. I was banging out multiple NES-era Ninja Gaiden games per day in spite of their difficulty, but Dragon Sword just felt like a slog to get through. That’s not to say it’s bad by any means, but I was hoping for so much more.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden (2004)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series on IC2S! It’s finally time for the entry you’ve all been waiting for: the 2004 reboot of Ninja Gaiden! This game was actually the second Ninja Gaiden game I had played, but I absolutely adored it, to the point where it made the top 25 of my all-time favourite games list. It has been more than a decade since I last played it and, in the time since, the action game landscape has completely changed. The character action game has basically disappeared and, in its place, the Soulslike has become utterly dominant. How does Ninja Gaiden‘s more old-school approach hold up after all these years? Read on to find out…

This is going to be a trend as we go through the 3D Ninja Gaiden games, but several different versions of Ninja Gaiden (2004) have been released over the years:

  • First off, there’s the original game on Xbox. While it does have a few unique quirks which would be ironed out or removed later, this is basically just the base experience of Ninja Gaiden with no bells and whistles.
  • Then there was Ninja Gaiden Black, which is largely a compilation of Ninja Gaiden and its DLC packs (minus one costume and one overpowered technique), plus some added weapons, enemies, bosses, difficulty modes, and small tweaks and quality of life improvements.
  • Then there’s Ninja Gaiden Sigma. This version of the game was made to be a PS3 port, although it made several changes which fans are pretty mixed on. Changes include: improved graphics, many platforming and puzzle sections have been removed to make it more action-oriented and to cut down on backtracking, remixed enemy placements, there are new bosses, a new weapon, and some quality of life improvements to make the game feel less clunky. The biggest change though is that three bonus chapters for Rachel have been added, but these are very divisive since these chapters break the pacing, spoil some areas that you’ll be going to later, and a lot of fans do not like how she plays.
  • Then there’s Ninja Gaiden Sigma Plus. This was a PS Vita port of Sigma (and the way that I first played this game back in the day). It’s largely the same as Sigma, but it has some PS Vita gimmicky controls which hurt the experience at times and it has a lower framerate than its console counter-parts. That said, it’s perfectly playable and as fine a way to experience this game as any other if you don’t have access to a different version.
  • Finally, there’s the Ninja Gaiden Master Collection version of Ninja Gaiden Sigma. This is based on the Sigma Plus version of the game, sans Vita gimmicks, and is easily the most accessible version available today.

For this Love/Hate series, I played through Ninja Gaiden Black through Xbox backwards compatibility and Ninja Gaiden Sigma on Steam Deck. I played through Black and Sigma on normal mode (in part because normal is the only mode available from the start in Black). I also played some Sigma Plus to get a feel for that version’s particular quirks. My thoughts here are based on a general overview of the various versions, but if any opinions are specific to one version, I will note that.

Love

  • Combat – Ninja Gaiden has a very deliberate pace to its combat. Compared to its sequels, combat is much slower, more based around your defense and counter-attacking when it’s safe, and you rarely face more than a few enemies at one time. Furthermore, you can only heal by using items or by getting blue essence from slain enemies, which further incentivizes defensive play to survive (especially on the higher difficulties). However, as you learn to play and get deeper into the campaign, the pace of combat quickens – not so much because anything has changed (if anything, the game has gotten significantly harder by then), but because you’ve learned how combat works, when you can attack, and can afford to be more aggressive. This tangible sense of improvement as you go makes combat feel incredibly satisfying, and each new challenge you overcome feels all the more rewarding.
    • I also want to add that I rather like how Ultimate Techniques have been implemented in this game. Charging a UT is a fairly slow process, even if there is essence nearby when you do it, so you can’t just spam them to try to get an easy kill. You either need to be very deliberate about how you use them (like all the other aspects of this game’s combat), or you need to get really good at the timing of executing an immediate UT charge after jumping, which rewards skilled players. This game also causes UT charges to burn the essence that you absorb, so you need to make sure that you are willing to risk losing currency or health drops. This higher risk makes the greater essence dropped by enemies killed by the UT make more sense too.
  • Difficulty – Ninja Gaiden games are well-known for their high difficulty, but like I said in the combat section, this difficulty actually contributes to why this game is so much fun. For all its difficulty, Ninja Gaiden feels very fair from start to finish. Difficulty is handled in a very linear fashion: you have some pretty basic challenges at the start with very exploitable enemy types. Then the game will steadily introduce new enemy types and scenarios which will you have to learn how to overcome. By the time you’re a few chapters in, you’re fighting enemies and pulling off moves that that would have gotten you annihilated you at the start of the game. By the end of a playthrough, you’re then more-or-less ready to attempt the next difficulty level, which is where Ninja Gaiden‘s difficult reveals its next trick: the linear difficulty curve continues into the next difficulty level and each difficulty is clearly intended to be played after completing the one before it and mastering its challenges (in fact, Black does not allow you to choose difficulty at the start at all, which reinforces that this is the “intended” way to play). Higher difficulties will introduce harder enemies earlier in the game, entirely new enemies are exclusive to higher difficulties, there’s new enemy spawns, less health items, and various other surprises sprinkled in. If you love Ninja Gaiden and want a challenge, then this game does a great job of incentivizing multiple replays.
    • This also means that skipping to a higher difficulty mode (as you can do in Sigma) actually makes that playthrough exponentially harder, because the game’s operating under the assumption that you already beat the whole thing on Normal and are coming in with the accumulated skillset that would entail. I was having a pretty manageable time on Normal in Black, so I decided to skip to Hard on Sigma since I figured I could handle it… and I was getting absolutely wrecked. I soon learned how to fight the upgraded ninja enemies, but then, whenever I got faced with a new combat scenario or a new enemy was introduced, I’d get demolished. It got to the point where I just had to give up and go back to Normal mode (which I was breezing through, thanks to playing Black at the same time).
    • Oh, and on top of all this, Ninja Gaiden has some bonus challenges for those who really want to test their might in the form of Fiend Challenges. These encounters are generally hidden off the main path and have you fight several relentless waves of fiends. They can really drain your resources if you are not at the top of your game, but they usually have some sort of major reward at the end that makes it worth your while (plus, y’know, it’s fun getting to put this game’s combat engine to its limits).
  • Level Design – The original 3D Ninja Gaiden really stands out from its sequels due to its level design. Much of the game takes place in the city of Tairon, and you have a fair bit of freedom to explore, find secret areas, and figure out where you need to go next. It reminds me a lot of Resident Evil, where you’re finding keys and items to open up the next area, before looping back and giving you some kind of new shortcut to make navigation easier. Furthermore, this hub area changes over the course of the playthrough, with the city going under martial law at one point, meaning that you now need to deal with the Vigoorian military and LAVs in the streets hunting you down. I also love the bevy of secret areas which require you to platform using your ninja skills to find secrets and rewards (the Xbox easter egg that gives you the Windmill Shuriken and totally heals you for free is a particular highlight). Ultimately, Ninja Gaiden is set apart from its sequels because combat is just one part of the game: exploration and traversal are just as much a core tenet of the game design.
  • Graphics – As is often the case for Team Ninja games (especially in this time period), Ninja Gaiden is no slouch visually. It has some rough edges from a modern standpoint, but it looks and feels great in motion. However, as good as the game looks on Xbox, Ninja Gaiden Sigma still looks fantastic. The colour palette has been made more saturated and vibrant, and everything is much higher fidelity (as you’d expect from a next-gen update).

Mixed

  • The Story – The narrative of Ninja Gaiden is a real mixed bag. It’s extremely simple: Doku attacks the Hayabusa village and steals the Dark Dragon Blade. Ryu goes on a rampage to the Vigoorian Empire to get revenge against him. We do get introduced to some characters in the process, and there’s a bit of mystery and intrigue associated with this, but there is shockingly little narrative or character development beyond this initial setup.
    • On the one hand, the narrative presentation is amazing: the game will often feature gorgeous FMV cutscenes which are very slick and have striking direction that makes everything seem cool as fuck. This game’s presentation is told in a very serious way and it’s all about making everything and everyone seem like the coolest shit you’ve ever seen. In that regard, it succeeds in spades.
    • On the other hand, the narrative undermines itself in several ways. Like I said before, there’s next to no development once you arrive in Tairon: you want to kill Doku and get the Dark Dragon Blade, so you spend the next several hours trying to do exactly that. However, the game also fails to make its “big moments” land. For example, Kureha’s death is supposed to be this huge moment for Ryu: she’s one of his closest friends, and her death is a key reason why Ryu is so pissed throughout this game. However, when she’s killed right in front of him, her death barely even gets a response out of Ryu. The reveal of the game’s “real” villain is also really lame, especially after spending the entire game hyping up how much of a terrifying badass Doku is. But the real big issue with the narrative has to be…
    • Rachel. Really, I need to give her a whole bullet-point for herself, because the narrative fucks her over at every turn. She actually has a pretty interesting characterization and motivation: her family have fiend blood in their lineage, and this was used to turn her sister, Alma, into a greater fiend. Rachel then became a fiend hunter to try to kill Alma and free her soul. This is a legitimately interesting backstory and it gives her a bit more personality to latch onto than Ryu’s uber-serious stoicism. She also seems pretty competent initially and has a cool grappling hook to swing around on. However, she gets shat on by the narrative at every possible opportunity: immediately after talking shit about Ryu, she gets vored by a giant fiend, and she gets one-shotted by a bitch slap from Doku, necessitating a second rescue from Ryu. She fucks off as soon as you rescue her from Doku, only for her to immediately get captured again, fucking hell. She even fails to kill Alma when she gets the opportunity to (which is supposed to be her entire character motivation). Obviously, this could have been an interesting bit of character development, but when she doesn’t to do anything else of note in the story, it just makes her feel worthless. Oh and, to top it all off, at the end of the game she tries to fuck Ryu and he turns her down, so she’s just absolutely shit on from start to finish. At this point, does it even bear mentioning that her character design is ridiculous? Fighting demons in bondage gear makes her hard to take seriously, and her complete inability to do anything of note just reinforces that she’s clearly just here to be eye candy. At least in Sigma we get to see her beating down some fiends, but it’s far from redeeming her.

Hate

  • Clunky Systems – Even for a game released more than twenty years ago, Ninja Gaiden has some weird design decisions that make playing it more of a cumbersome experience than it needed to be.
    • For one thing, you’re going to be spending a lot of time pausing the game to dive through menus. Any time you want to change your melee/ranged weapon, or heal, or use some sort of item, you’ll have to cycle through menus and halt the game’s pace momentarily. Sigma improves this a bit since it does allow you to cycle through your healing items without pausing, although I personally would have preferred a way to quick-swap between weapons.
    • Black has some really weird camera controls. Most of the time, the right analog stick puts you into first person mode (with inverted controls!!!)… however, there are some areas where you can control the camera, but you won’t really know if this is in effect until you try it. Generally, you have to just press R2 to automatically re-center the camera and hope that that’s sufficient. Similarly, aiming with the bow happens if you press B + left analog stick, which can be annoying if you’re trying to shoot quickly and then immediately move. Sigma, thankfully, has added free camera control to the right analog stick and maps first person mode to L1. The bow controls are also mapped to their own button, and the game even adds a reticle for easier aiming.
    • The controls for running on water also suuuuuck in Black. You need to run into the water and then immediately start pressing the jump button. However, if you jump too early or too late, you’ll sink and need to retry it. Thankfully, this is a pretty insignificant technique in this game… and thank God, or I might have raged. Sigma just makes you run on water automatically without requiring any button input, which is a bit too excessively dumbed-down… but, then again, it’s leagues better than Black‘s take on it.
    • For some ungodly reason, Ninja Gaiden does not give you access to an options menu while in-game. Hell, you can’t even quit to main menu without restarting the game itself… WHY??? Making matters worse, this isn’t even something Sigma improved, so I sure as hell hope that you like how everything is configured when you start playing, because tweaking it to suit your liking is going to be an absolute bitch.
  • Auto-targeting – Ninja Gaiden does a fairly good job of making your attacks land where you want them to without a manual lock-on option, but there are times where your attack will not go where you want it to. This is especially prevalent when you use a single-target ninpo attack when there are multiple enemies on-screen, and it’s an utter crap-shoot which one will get hit.
  • Grabs – So, like, I get why grabs are a thing in this game: if you are relying on blocking attacks for long periods of time to stay alive, they punish you severely. As a result, you quickly learn how and when to go on the offensive and limit your time spent blocking. That said… this game’s grabs are so fucking annoying. You get barely any time to react to an enemy’s grab, so when one goes off, you feel like you get stuck with unavoidable damage (and these things hit HARD).
  • Random Auto-Blocks – Easily the worst aspect of this game’s combat engine is that enemies will randomly auto-block your attacks at times. This is especially noticeable with the Flying Swallow technique, and particularly when fighting bosses. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, they’ll just randomly, instantly block attacks sometimes, presumably to nerf certain techniques or make bosses seem “harder”. This basically forces you to just make your attack and then react based on whether the game lets you do damage or not, although it can be particularly annoying against the hardest bosses (looking at you, Alma).

Ninja Gaiden is a fantastic game. I love how it balances combat, exploration, and traversal. You can tangibly feel the meticulous design that has been put into every encounter, which helps make it difficulty feel fair and satisfying to get to grips with. My “hates” here are really gripes in comparison to this game’s strengths. I heartily recommend Ninja Gaiden (any of its versions!) to anyone who loves action games and is up for a challenge!

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Video Game Review: Venus Vacation Prism – Dead or Alive Xtreme (400th Blog Post Celebration!)

Man, when I started this blog thirteen years ago, I never would have expected that I’d manage to reach four hundred posts! I had started a couple blogs prior to this one and those struggled to continue after the first couple posts, so having this monument to my writing, thoughts, and their evolution over time is just… well, it’s difficult to quantify, really.

Knowing that I was approaching this milestone, I knew that I had to do something special to celebrate. Given that my two hundredth post was about Dead or Alive Xtreme 3, and my three hundredth post was about the DOA movie, I obviously had to find a way to dive back into the Dead or Alive well once more! And, wouldn’t you know it, the timing for this milestone would be reached in fairly close proximity with Venus Vacation Prism: Dead or Alive Xtreme, a brand new spin-off entry in the franchise. Given my previous commentary about this game during preview season, I also knew that there was the potential for some really spicy opinions, and those kinds of articles are always the most fun to write. Suffice to say, I knew that I was going to need to write a review of it for the occasion. So strap in for my thoughts on Venus Vacation Prism: Dead or Alive Xtreme!

While the Dead or Alive Xtreme games had some very basic dating sim elements stapled on, Venus Vacation is a full-on dating sim, presented through a visual novel format. The game has a robust photography system, and much of the game’s “content” revolves around watching the girls and waiting to take the perfect shot. Much like Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 and Venus Vacation, you play as the “Owner”, hired by Zack to oversee the Venus Islands and manage the upcoming Venus Festival. In order to prepare for the festival, you go around recruiting alluring women you meet to be a “Venus” to do promos for the festival. The game doesn’t really elaborate on what being a “Venus” entails, but I understood it to mean “a supermodel who embodies the essence of ‘beauty'”. Each of the Venuses is vying for your affection, so you have to decide who to show preference to. Most of the game involves you watching the Venuses interact and making occasional dialogue choices. You also can take photos throughout each level to increase the pictured Venus’ interest in you and earn them more fans. On rare occasions, you may be asked to do a QTE sequence. If that sounds dull to you… well, I don’t think you’re cut out for visual novels, sorry.

So Who Are Our Cast of Venuses?

Venus Vacation Prism has brought over six of the girls from Dead or Alive Xtreme: Venus Vacation for you to photograph and woo:

Misaki is the first girl you meet in the game. She’s the stereotypical Japanese “trad-GF” archetype: constantly working, polite, sweet, modest, and innocent. She takes a long time to get out of her shell and feel comfortable with herself. She is far too insecure to make the first move, so you need to do it for her. Romancing Misaki is all about making her feel comfortable enough to show off her voluptuous body to you… which just gives me the ick. As a grown man experiencing this game, trying to romance this shy and innocent girl makes me feel like I’m grooming her, ugh! I was legitimately uncomfortable pursuing her romance, so I just romanced the other characters instead. This left Misaki visibly disappointed and saddened throughout the entire game, but since she didn’t make the first move, I just roleplayed that I didn’t even notice this as I cucked her with the rest of the cast.

Disappointingly, the only girl from the mainline Dead or Alive series in this game is Honoka… but, like, she’s Honoka. She feels out of place in the mainline Dead or Alive games, but she’s right at home in Dead or Alive Xtreme.

Honoka’s the second girl you meet in Venus Vacation Prism. True to her portrayal in Dead or Alive 6, she’s a simple sort: not particularly smart, but sweet and fun-loving. She doesn’t have much of a personality to speak of… which is why I’d say that Honoka is literally just this game’s “teenage boy’s fantasy” archetype: she’s got ridiculously massive tits, and a personality so dull that it couldn’t possibly intimidate the lowest common denominator (y’know, those sorts of cowards who get angry if the object of their affection has any sort of self agency). Romancing her is all about having fun and staring at boobs as much as possible. That’s… fine, really, but so shallow that it couldn’t hold my interest.

The third Venus you’ll meet is Tamaki. She is very open, has few boundaries, and greatly appreciates honesty and forthrightness. She’s heavily bi-coded, fawning over the Venuses just as much as she flirts with you. She’s also a bit of a goblin, flirting with you to see how you’ll react, teasing people, groping the other Venuses, and she’s a borderline alcoholic. She immediately begins flirting with you the moment she lays eyes on you, and is not shy about trying to seduce you.

And I love this.

I’m just going to say this up-front: Tamaki was my ride-or-die in this game. I’ve complained in the past about how Dead or Alive girls are almost all portrayed as innocent, untouchable angels, which makes the voyeuristic aspects of these games more uncomfortable. However, here we have a character who is aware of, and in control of, her sexuality, and she expresses her interest in you outright. That is a thousand times more arousing than preying on someone’s inexperience! The franchise legitimately needs more characters like this. Suffice to say, I prioritized Tamaki every chance I got. Romancing Tamaki is all about being honest with your feelings, and having a (relatively) realistic, adult relationship with someone.

Fiona is fucking insane. She’s a yandere, a character who is extremely obsessed with you. That would be weird enough on its own, but Fiona is also a literal princess who has spent her entire life in a castle. Like a week or two before you meet her, Fiona saw an advertisement for the Venus Festival with Misaki, Honoka, Tamaki, and yourself in it and she decided that she needed to throw her entire life away to be with you. Why is she so devoted to you? Well, she liked the way that you looked at the other Venuses and wanted you to look at her that way…

Fucking what???

Personality-wise, Fiona is clearly has social anxiety. She’s soft-spoken and sweet, but her obsession with you makes every interaction awkward. She was also clearly only educated in etiquette and politics, so she needs help from others to understand the ways of the world… ugh, here comes that uncomfortable groomer feeling again…

Quite frankly, I did not like Fiona. I can’t really tell you what romancing her entails, because I didn’t fuel her delusions. She seems fairly sweet, but I’m not into these yandere types, other than Monika.

Just Monika.

Nanami is uncanny. She seems to be intended to be a relatively normal, modern city girl: she’s soft-spoken, sociable, interested in photography, gets bored, and she’s uncertain what her future holds. I actually found this concept moderately interesting, but the more time you spend with Nanami, the less “normal” she feels. She’s excessively soft-spoken and chill, to the point where you become sharply aware that it defines her entire personality. I can’t even imagine her being angry, losing her cool, or even expressing excitement. As a result, she ends up being kind of a bland dating sim character, lacking much of a personality to latch on to. Maybe she has a more engaging personality as you get to know her, but I didn’t have much interest in getting to that point when there were much more compelling choices available. Romancing her is equally chill – just don’t be an asshole, real-life rules apply here too.

But hey, at least she doesn’t give me the ick, so that put her above a couple other characters in my books.

M-mommy!?! Elise is the harsh teacher/boss archetype: she’s stern, strict, and disappointed in you. You need to earn her approval, which makes it feel all the more satisfying when you do. She’s a workaholic and needs someone to show her how to loosen up and have fun. She doesn’t even become a Venus until after several chapters with her, so you get a lot of time to get to know her compared to some of the other girls.

Hoo boy, Elise was waking something in me and, at times, even managed to take some of my attention from Tamaki. Elise may be intimidating and cold to some people, but she’s totally my type, looks very cute, has a great storyline, and feels particularly suited for a dating sim narrative! That said, going for Elise is playing this game on hard mode, because she is particularly difficult to impress and, as the last Venus recruited, you get less opportunities to prioritize her.

“Gameplay”

Given that the dating sim elements of Dead or Alive Xtreme are my least-favourite part about those games, I was not expecting much from a Team Ninja dating sim game. However, this really is a case where going all-in on a concept made for a better end product, because I actually rather enjoyed the dating sim elements in Venus Vacation Prism. Instead of having to memorize the specific colours of wrapping paper that each girl likes to get them to arbitrarily accept a gift from you, Venus Vacation Prism‘s dating sim elements revolve entirely around getting to know the girls’ personalities through your interactions with them and then making dialogue choices which correspond to their interests. You’ll also often be forced to choose which girls to spend your time with, so you can’t just woo them all at once – someone has to end up disappointed. Granted, this is just bog-standard modern dating sim gameplay, but it’s certainly a step up from Dead or Alive Xtreme‘s half-assed approach.

The other big gameplay system in Venus Vacation Prism is the photography suite. You can choose to just take a quick screenshot with a press of a button, but those who really want to indulge can get full 360 degree control of the scene so you can line up that perfect shot, in addition to being able to control the lighting, add filters, etc. The game requires you to get at least six photos by the end of a chapter, but you will likely take several dozen instead, because taking pictures is fun! To make that point clear, every screenshot in this review was taken by me, because I had no shortage of photos to choose from during my playthrough!

In addition, you are graded one-to-three stars per photo at the end of each chapter. This certainly incentivizes you to take more photos, but the game is really unclear about the criteria to get a higher score. As a result, it can be a bit frustrating when one of your favourite photos gets a one star rating, while some random shot gets two or even three stars.

Lastly in the gameplay department, Venus Vacation Prism will occasionally ask you to partake in a micro-game to earn some affection from a chosen Venus. There are a handful of these, but they are generally just a QTE sequence that’s over faster than your mom. As you’d expect, they kind of suck.

But how else are Team Ninja going to get you a face-full of Honoka’s sweaty cleavage while she does sit-ups?

“Story”

Venus Vacation Prism is a visual novel, so that means that there’s more of an emphasis on story compared to other Dead or Alive games, right? Well, about that…

The narrative of Venus Vacation Prism is very shallow and low-stakes. I was not skimping on details earlier when I described what this game’s premise is: you really are just recruiting Venuses and preparing for the festival for this entire game’s runtime. Sure, there are a couple developments (you get caught on a date by the person who you rejected, the head office is threatening to fire you if your performance doesn’t improve, etc), but the whole thing is lacking in any real stakes, twists, or tension. For the most part, you’re just having normal conversations with the girls and hanging out.

That said, I’m not sure that this lack of narrative tension is actually a problem. The Xtreme games carved a niche due to being relaxing vacation simulators, and Venus Vacation Prism‘s breezy “story” achieves the same sort of feel. This game does, at times, really feel like being away a tropical vacation. Like, sure, you’re technically working throughout the game, but your job is so ridiculously easy that it doesn’t get in the way. Despite the extremely mundane narrative, I was still interested to see where things would go. It also helps that I am hopelessly obsessed with seeing new corners of the world of Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden, so there’s that too…

Despite the very laid-back narrative, there is some thrust which keeps things from getting boring. In the first half of the game, a new Venus will get introduced every couple chapters. This provides some novelty as you get to meet them, learn about their personality, and then recruit them. While this approach keeps things fresh, it takes a long time to introduce all the girls, which can really suck if you don’t care for the early Venuses. Elise in particular is really difficult to romance, due to her strict personality and having much less time to try to blitz her approval rating high enough before the game ends. The game also heavily foreshadows the Venus Festival that corresponds with a romantic prismatic meteor shower as the grand finale, so you’ve always got it in the back of your mind that you’re working towards that final goal. It’s simple stuff, as I’ve said, but it works well enough.

As for the chapters themselves, most will only have a couple of the girls available to be interacted with at any one time, so you can often go multiple chapters without seeing your preferred Venus. Furthermore, there are plenty of mandatory interactions which are not particularly balanced between the girls: Misaki and Elise get lots of one-on-one time with the Owner in which to make an impression on you, but fans of Honoka and Nanami are going to be absolutely starved if they don’t specifically pursue those characters every chance they get (which, combined with their boring personalities, didn’t help my perception of either character any). Each chapter has some branching paths that you can take (usually picking between one of two girls, but late-game chapters will allow you to choose between any of the Venuses). These choices are shown in a handy flowchart in the between-chapter menu, so you can see all the scenes you found and the ones still available. This is much appreciated for those looking to experience everything the game has to provide, but it also shows that your choices, and their consequences, are pretty limited outside of affecting your overall relationship score with the girls.

Much of this lack of consequence is down to the Venuses all immediately falling in love with you as soon as you meet them (other than Elise, who takes a few chapters to get to that point). Even if you consistently reject their advances, they’ll still pine after you as if nothing happened. This was displayed most egregiously for me during Fiona’s introduction. As I stated, I did not like her character’s obsession with me, so I gave her the cold shoulder and immediately stood her up for Tamaki. However, at the end of her introductory chapter, the game railroads you into going on a date to recruit her as a Venus, and acts like it’s a romantic occasion no matter what you’ve said up to that point. While this is the most egregious example I found, you can feel it elsewhere as well. For example, I wasn’t kidding about Misaki when I said I was cucking her at every opportunity: the poor girl was consistently dropping hints that she liked me and hoped that I would reciprocate, but then I’d go and spend my time off with literally anyone else, to her constant disappointment. Like, girl, at this point you’re delusional if you think that I’m going to pick you to be my date to the prismatic meteor shower!

That said, this is a dating sim, so most of the game’s consequence boils down to romancing your chosen Venus. There are certain scenes and dialogue options which are only unlocked if you have a high (or low!) enough interest score with a particular girl. The thresholds to unlock these scenes are pretty high, so these are typically only going to be available if you’re actively wooing one or two of the girls above all else. Again, this is pretty standard dating sim stuff, but it would have been nice if you actually had to work a bit to get the girls to like you in the first place.

The game also has a smartphone where the girls will send you texts to chat and flirt. On the one hand, this is a very easy way to get in more interactions and choices without having to go to the effort of animating and voicing an entire scene. It also offers an different feel to conversations, especially with the shyer girls who are clearly more comfortable speaking to you via text. On the other hand, these text conversations feel disconnected from the rest of the game. For example, you’ll get a text and agree to go on a date with your chosen Venus, but then you don’t get a new scene or anything, the game just gives your affection score a bump and moves on. You’ll also be in the middle of a scene with another character when the smartphone will pop up and you’ll start texting one of the other girls randomly before going back to the scene at hand. Hell, you can be in the middle of the scene and then get texts from the girl who is in the scene right in front of you and go off on an entirely unrelated conversation before going back to the scene at hand. I love the concept of the smartphone in this game, but the implementation is immersion-breaking far too often.

Looks That Could Kill

As is usual for a Team Ninja game, Venus Vacation Prism looks fantastic. When this game was originally previewed, the character models felt a bit too realistic and uncanny, but having played the actual game now, this was not a problem at all. Like Dead or Alive 5/6/Xtreme 3, the characters are more realistic-looking, but still stylized enough to avoid the uncanny valley (especially Elise, who I feel deserves special shout-out for her ridiculously gorgeous character design).

Visual novels and dating sims aren’t usually my thing, but from my understanding, Venus Vacation Prism has insane production values for the genre. Most of these sorts of games are low-budget indie affairs with 2D sprites and little to no animation, just due to the economics of such a niche genre. In comparison, Venus Vacation Prism, with its AAA-level graphics, animation, full voice acting, and photography suite is a technological behemoth (to the point where I am legitimately curious if it has sold well enough to be worthwhile for Koei-Tecmo). This certainly helps the game stand out, even if its mechanics are pretty bog-standard otherwise.

Like the Xtreme games, Venus Vacation Prism allows you to dress your Venuses in various outfits and swimsuits and also change their hair style. I like that most of the outfits have additional customization options (for example, the you can choose whether or not you want to wear a zip-up hoodie over a particular style of bikini). However, there are a couple issues with the dress-up system which are hard to ignore. First of all, the number of available outfits per Venus is tied to their number of fans (which is influenced by the star rating of photos of the Venus submitted at the end of each chapter). It takes quite a while to unlock new outfits for each Venus because of this system. Despite giving Tamaki most of my attention during my playthrough, I hadn’t even unlocked half of her outfits by the time I reached the finale, so several playthroughs are going to be necessary if you want to unlock everything (I’ll leave that up to you to decide whether that’s good or bad).

I think that the bigger issue with the dress-up system though is that there just are not enough options available. The game has about thirty-seven outfits per girl, which doesn’t sound too bad, until you realize that the vast majority of these are reskins. Most outfits have three-to-five recoloured variants (some have even more), so these recolours are padding the total massively: discounting all the recolours, there’s only seven outfits available to dress up your Venuses, plus their one unique outfit and two pre-order bonus ones that you may not even have access to. That’s extremely limited, especially since you won’t unlock most of them in a single playthrough, so expect to have a bunch of Venuses all wearing the same outfit around the mid-point of the game…

Core Values

This is a Dead or Alive Xtreme game, so naturally that begs the question: just how lewd does this game get? Well, to put it simply…

…the game’s weirdly kind of chaste and restrained (at least by Dead or Alive‘s standards)?

Like, don’t get me wrong, the game’s still horny – the camera will linger on the girls’ boobs, most of said boobs are massive, and there are plenty of revealing bikinis to dress them up in. Compared to the Dead or Alive Xtreme games though (and especially Venus Vacation, which this game is directly spun-off of), the game’s downright modest. Sure, the bikinis are revealing, but they’re just fairly normal bikinis, as opposed to, say, the downright insane Venus swimsuit from Dead or Alive Xtreme. And sure, this game will occasionally have scenes which are egregiously fetish bait (most notably involving Misaki: in one scene, she nervously tries on a bikini in front of you, and in a later scene she’s bent over for no real reason and you’re clearly being invited to upskirt her), but that’s nothing compared to the literal pole dance sequences in the Xtreme games. And don’t even get me started on the ability to sexually harass the girls whenever you want to in Venus Vacation

Conversely, Venus Vacation Prism takes the opposite approach, where acting like a creep and fixating on the girls’ assets above all else will leave them unimpressed, unless they actively invite that kind of attention from you. As I’ve said in the past, a big reason why the Xtreme games feel creepy is because the girls don’t seem to have any agency and are completely innocent angels, so all the voyeurism you engage in explicitly happens without their consent (as their reactions to you poking and peeking on them make clear). Venus Vacation Prism, on the other hand, wants you to form a connection with your chosen Venuses, make them want to open up to you, and will straight-up punish you for disrespecting the girls’ boundaries. Again, having Tamaki openly flirting with you and taking notes about the things that turn you on is orders of magnitude more sexy than the ham-fisted sexuality we get in the Xtreme games.

That said, this is still an Xtreme game: you’ll have plenty of opportunities to ogle the girls, but I really cannot understate how relatively restrained this game is. You can dress the girls in the most revealing outfits you can unlock, you can take their shoes off to get the best look at their toes (you know that someone on Team Ninja was begging them to implement this feature), and you can make all your photos zoomed on their girls’ cleavage, but that’s entirely up to you and the game doesn’t really incentivize it one way or another. Hell, despite having the series’ vaunted boob physics and ass physics (they move like gelatin this time!), you will almost never notice any jiggling outside of the costume selection screen.

It also really needs to be said, that Venus Vacation Prism feels restrained, not only in comparison to the Xtreme games, but to visual novels in general at this point. We’re living in an era where pornographic visual novels appear on the front page of Steam. Mobile app stores and Youtube ads are infested with a plethora of generic, anime, gooner gacha games. While the ending I got with Tamaki slyly implied that sex was had off-screen, a lot of this game’s contemporaries would be revolving entirely around showing the act rather than implying it. Dead or Alive Xtreme was salacious in the 2000s, but in 2025, a game like Venus Vacation Prism is downright modest compared to the competition. Am I suggesting that they should go all the way and release a Dead or Alive game with full nudity and sex? No, I think that would stray too far from the series’ identity, but it’s just something worth thinking about when putting this series’ sexual themes into a wider context.

Further to that point, there’s absolutely no reason why this game could not get a Western release, aside from Koei-Tecmo being a bunch of cowards. The biggest criticism you could level at the game is that it might give you unrealistic expectations regarding dating, but a) it’s a fantasy, and b) that’s something you could say about any dating sim; it’s just inherent to the genre. Sorry, butthurt culture warrior Dead or Alive fans, but there’s nothing particularly objectionable about this game that would draw any protest or negative attention (other than, y’know, some fucksticks loudly gooning over the game on social media and drawing derision over that; aka the Stellar Blade effect). This Asia-exclusive release strategy is honestly just Koei-Tecmo being idiots, with the absolute most charitable reading being that they want to preserve the Dead or Alive series’ reputation as a fighting game in the West and not dilute that with spin-offs that historically have sold poorly here. It sucks, but at least it’s easy to use a VPN or import the game if you really want to try it.

Bottom-Line

I enjoyed Venus Vacation Prism a lot more than I was expecting to. While I would have certainly preferred a new, mainline Dead or Alive entry, I think it’s extremely unfair to judge this game based on what it isn’t rather than what it is. For what it is, it’s a pretty bog-standard, low-stakes visual novel with some well-integrated dating sim and photography systems. As a result, it’s definitely a pretty niche experience, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy my time with it. Frankly, it’s a considerably more engaging and enjoyable game than any of the Xtreme spin-offs, so I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to getting more spin-offs of this nature in future… just a long as we get Dead or Alive 7 sooner or later!

5/10

(5/10 means the game is pretty average and has some niche appeal – that doesn’t mean it sucks, gamers!)

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden (Master System) (1992)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden for the Sega Master System! Once again, this is an entirely new entry in the franchise, despite sharing a name with (by this point) three other games released in a four year timespan. I was not too keen on the previous Sega-exclusive Ninja Gaiden game, would this attempt on the Master System fair any better? Read on to find out…

Love

  • Graphics – Ninja Gaiden on the Master System is, hands-down, the best-looking classic Ninja Gaiden game. In fact, the graphics are so crisp here that I was legitimately shocked when I found out that the Master System was an 8-bit console like the NES. The graphics here are so much better than any other Ninja Gaiden game of the era that I legitimately thought that this game was designed for a 16-bit console! I adore the art style of 16-bit consoles, so this game is all the more impressive to me for looking this good on such aged hardware! This praise for the graphics and pixel art also carries over to the cutscenes, which are easily the most detailed of the classic era of Ninja Gaiden.

Mixed

  • Control Complexity – One of the most notable new additions in Ninja Gaiden on Master System is that you now have a bit more control over when you grab onto platforms and walls. This is actually kind of nice: in Ninja Gaiden III and Shadow, you would occasionally jump and unintentionally grab onto a platform above you, which could cause you to get hit by an enemy in the process. With that in mind, having some control over whether you want to grab onto a platform is a good idea and it allows the developers to design levels in more interesting ways. However, this decision lays bare the hardware limitations these games are operating under, and how they struggle to deal with additional complexity.
    • Like the NES games, you’ve got a d-pad and two buttons to work with, and the game controls pretty similarly, but now you have to hold the up button while jumping to grab onto a platform. This is a problem for two reasons: 1) It’s annoying to have to hold a button to do something that used to be automatic, even if I can understand why they’ve added this. But, more importantly, 2) It makes it way easier to accidentally activate your ninja arts if you need to attack an enemy mid-jump, which wastes your energy and can leave you without any later if you need it.
    • Similarly, jumping onto a wall has gotten more complicated, for better or worse. You used to just grab onto the wall automatically. Now you need to jump into the wall and continue holding the d-pad in the direction of the wall. This will cause Ryu to turn around, and then you need to press jump quickly while still holding the d-pad in the direction of the wall to jump in the opposite direction. In essence, you’re pressing the d-pad in the opposite direction you want to go in, which gets really confusing. On the plus side, this can allow you to leap back and forth off of walls, opening up new platforming opportunities, but my God is it confusing in execution. I honestly think that this game would have been better off on an actual 16-bit console with more buttons – having a dedicated “grab” button would have made this all so much simpler and with no drawbacks.
  • Difficulty – The people who designed this game are fucking bastards. The NES games are brutal, but their difficulty feels reasonably fair most of the time and the spikes come when they want to test your limits. Meanwhile, the Master System Ninja Gaiden wants to kill you, full-stop. Many enemies move so quickly that you barely have a chance to react to them. The fucking birds are back, and this time they’re even faster and more erratic than ever before! WHY??? And that’s not even getting to the level designs. In the very first level, you complete one area and the next one immediately puts you on a tiny platform over a pit of spikes, so if you were still moving forward absent-mindedly, you would die instantly. It was at that point I went “oh, so that’s the kind of game you’re playing”. What sadistic bastard thought it would be a good idea to have four bird spawn in mid-jump over an instant-death pit? What idiot thought that what an ice level needed was platforms that send you careening forward if you move even a single pixel AND these icy platforms are covered with spikes? Oh, and then they spice things up even more by adding lightning-fast jumping ninjas and piranhas as an extra “fuck you”. Ninja Gaiden on the Master System is a bastard of a game, but I… kind of enjoyed it? Admittedly, most of this comes down to the modern conveniences of emulation mitigating a ton of frustration, but it was to a point where I was starting to predict the next dickheaded move the game would make, prepared myself for it ahead of time, and would have a laugh after each new development. On top of that, the game is pretty generous with its checkpoints and continues (no “oh, you lost to the final boss? Back to the start of the level” bullshit from the previous games). I actually managed to beat this game, which is more than I can say about any of the NES titles with their “fairer” levels of challenge!
    • Oh, and as a bonus regarding the difficulty, there’s a game-breaking bug that makes it significantly easier. If you can get your ninja arts stockpiled up to 999, then you will actually have unlimited uses of your art. Suffice to say, being able to create unlimited rings of fire to intercept every enemy and projectile (not to mention being able to walk on spikes without getting hurt!) was overpowered as fuck and is a pretty big reason why I was able to reach the end of the game in spite of all the bullshit it threw at me.
  • The Story – I kind of view the Master System Ninja Gaiden as the apex of the classic era: sure, it’s got some design flaws that mar the experience, but it’s the flashiest and most refined version of the classic era’s gameplay. However, one notable area in which it falls short compared to the NES games is that its story is significantly less effective. It retains the cutscenes that made the trilogy so famous, but the actual narrative here is disappointing. The NES trilogy were simple, but a lot of effort was put into its characters and wringing drama out of their reactions to the games’ events. Here, they’ve taken a step back – it’s now just about Ryu doing cool shit until the bad guys are defeated. It’s too bad, you can see how this franchise’s emphasis on narrative just dropped off until Ninja Gaiden stories became… well, what we’d new expect out of a modern Ninja Gaiden game.
    • Also, the game has some questionable localization, so you’ll occasionally get a chuckle out of some badly translated line of dialogue.

Hate

  • Multi-hit Enemies – This game introduces lots of basic enemies who require multiple hits in order to kill. Call me old-fashioned, but this feels like it goes against the fundamental design ethos of these games. Why does some mafioso in a suit take two hits to kill, while a nearly-identical one dies in one? I don’t get it, I don’t really like it, and it just feels like an unnecessary extra step to kill an enemy who is almost-certainly dead anyway when you landed that first hit; the second hit just feels like an unnecessary formality at that point.

In spite of itself, I actually quite enjoyed Ninja Gaiden on the Master System. I don’t think it’s quite as good as the first couple games on the NES, but it’s very close, and gives us a glimpse into a potential future where these games continued into the 16-bit era. As a close to the classic era of Ninja Gaiden, it’s a pretty great time and well worth checking out!

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden (Game Gear) (1991)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden for the Sega Game Gear! Despite what its title would suggest, this is not a port of the NES Ninja Gaiden, nor is it a port of the arcade game, but an entirely new game that just happens to have the same name as the others (get used to this, this isn’t even the last game called Ninja Gaiden that we’re going to be covering in this series). To make matters even more confusing, it’s unclear if this game is even considered canon, having an entirely self-contained narrative that sees Ryu Hayabusa having to save the world once again. How would this portable entry on superior hardware hold up in comparison to Ninja Gaiden Shadow? Read on to find out…

Love

…nothing. For the second time in Love/Hate history, there’s nothing particular about this game that I liked, let alone would consider worth mentioning. If I had to say anything even tangentially positive: it’s got Ryu Hayabusa in it, it’s portable, and it’s on the Game Gear, I guess?

Mixed

  • The Graphics – The graphics in this game look like ass. Yes, they are technically more detailed than they were on the NES, but the art style looks so much worse in comparison. That said, I’d be kind of an asshole if I did not put this into perspective: this was a handheld game released in 1991 on the Game Gear. In that context, Ninja Gaiden would have looked pretty damn impressive for its time (especially compared to the Game Boy, whose significantly more limited hardware was still being used into the 2000s). Still… in a modern context where the totality of gaming history is available to us, Ninja Gaiden on the Game Gear looks very unappealing.

Hate

  • Game Feel – The moment you start playing Ninja Gaiden, you get the sense that something is off. Gone is the quick, precise action of the NES trilogy, replaced with a jump which goes very high and is unbelievably floaty. As a result, you’re going to overshoot nearly anything you try to jump to, and then have to wait for Ryu to float down to the enemy or orb to slash it. The pickup orbs, by the way, are tiny in this game, so you’d better hope you don’t miss your slash, or you’ll have to waste a couple more seconds trying again. It sounds really nitpicky when I describe it, but my God does this game feel terrible to play, and it largely stems from the way they’ve designed the jumping/falling mechanics.
  • Enemy Placements are BULLSHIT – Ninja Gaiden on Game Gear is not a particularly difficult game, especially compared to its NES counterparts. However, in an effort to make the game “difficult”, the developers have made most enemy encounters utter fucking bullshit. You will have enemies spawn in, immediately attack you, and you have a fraction of a second to register this new information and respond or you will take unavoidable damage. This happens the moment the game starts and goes on throughout the entire playthrough, it’s utter dogshit design. To get through a level unscathed, you end up needing to have the reaction time of an athlete, or you memorize the entire level and trivialize the entire thing (or, y’know, enjoy the benefits of modern emulation and get through the game stupid-easily).
  • The Skyscraper Level – Whoever designed the skyscraper level needs to be tried in the Hauge for crimes against humanity. What a fucking bullshit level: you’re climbing up the side of a skyscraper while it auto-scrolls upward and have to jump between two buildings to avoid falling objects and kamikaze martial artists. Not only does this mean that you have to react instantly to every incoming object, but if you get hit, you also have to immediately grab back onto the building, or you will fall to an instant death. It’s a cool concept for a level, but the execution here makes for one of the most unenjoyable sequences in the entire franchise.

Ninja Gaiden on Game Gear isn’t the worst game I’ve ever played, but it’s certainly not enjoyable either. I really was not expecting Ninja Gaiden Shadow to be the superior 8-bit handheld experience, but at least I got some fun out of that game in spite of its shortcomings. Perhaps it’s a mercy then that Ninja Gaiden is so short, clocking in at barely over thirty minutes of runtime (hence why this list is also short… there’s only so much you can say about a game that I beat in less time than it took me to write this article).

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden Shadow (1991)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden Shadow, a prequel to the NES trilogy released for the Game Boy! I’m always super leery about Game Boy spin-offs of console games: the handheld was extremely under-powered, so the idea of playing an ultra-precise and difficult Ninja Gaiden game on one sounds like a nightmare. That said, how does Ninja Gaiden Shadow actually play in practice? Read on to find out…

Love

  • New Platforming Tricks – You’d think that Ninja Gaiden Shadow would be content to just coast of the gimmick of being a handheld Ninja Gaiden game, but it actually has a couple fantastic additions to the 2D side-scrolling formula. First of all, you can now press down + jump to hang and/or drop from the platform you’re standing on, which is super useful and opens up new platforming options. The flashiest new addition though is the grappling hook, which has a surprisingly long range that allows you to reach platforms above you that are out of your reach. I love this thing, not only is it useful for the platforming, but it’s so cool being able to dodge an enemy attack by throwing the hook and climbing to safety in the nick of time!
  • Reasonable Level of Difficulty – It’s no secret that I haven’t really enjoyed the extreme difficulty of these old-school Ninja Gaiden games, but I feel like Ninja Gaiden Shadow strikes a pretty reasonable level of challenge. For the most part, it’s not too bad, and there’s enough health pickups that mistakes don’t feel excessively punishing. The last couple bosses are tough, so it’s not like the game is excessively easy either!
  • The Wrestler Boss – Most of the 2D Ninja Gaiden bosses have been pretty forgettable, but Ninja Gaiden Shadow has a boss who is, hands-down, the best boss in the series thus far. It’s a pretty simple fight against a wrestler, which plays out like any other boss in the series… except that this guy has a little minion who you cannot damage. This little bastard will flip around the arena and grab onto you, slowing your movement and making it so you can’t get away from the boss. The resulting fight is still not particularly difficult, but it’s hilarious trying to dodge this gremlin and shake him off before the main boss beats you down!

Mixed

  • Strips Out Most of What Makes Ninja Gaiden Good – Ninja Gaiden Shadow has had to make some heavy compromises in order to function on Game Boy. The platforming is much less precise than on NES, you only get one ninja art that you can use, the narrative is practically non-existent, and the game’s performance is quite poor. That said… I can’t put this in “Hate”, because I got some enjoyment out of my time with Shadow, so there must be some fundamental strength here that they’ve retained which is keeping things fun.

Hate

  • Boss Health Feels Excessive – While Ninja Gaiden Shadow is a pretty easy experience, it does have one particularly frustrating flaw. Due to the hardware limitations, there’s no display showing how much HP a boss has remaining. This would be fine, but I swear that the bosses feel like they take more hits to kill than they did on NES. This gets particularly annoying on the last couple bosses, who require precise maneuvers to avoid getting hit, and you won’t be able to do enough damage to them without dying if you do not perfect your jumps and dodge timing. This is particularly relevant for the goddamn genie boss, who flies around out of reach for 80% of the fight. You might only manage to get in one or two hits at a time before he becomes invulnerable again, making the entire fight an absolute slog.

Ninja Gaiden Shadow makes me question how much I can take hardware limitations into account when judging a game. Taking into account the Game Boy’s limitations, this is a pretty good game. However, by the standards of the Ninja Gaiden franchise, this is a pretty lackluster experience. And, judged entirely on its own merits, Shadow is an incredibly short and mediocre curiosity. It’s a bit of a weird situation overall. I got enough fun out of Shadow that I’d at least recommend checking it out if you’re into 2D side-scrolling action-platformers, but it’s far from a must-play experience.

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden III – The Ancient Ship of Doom (1991)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at the final entry in the NES trilogy, Ninja Gaiden III: The Ancient Ship of Doom! With the NES era coming to a close, Tecmo wanted to get one last Ninja Gaiden game out. This game would have a different creative team who wanted to make changes to the formula and attempt to tell a different sort of story than its predecessors. Would these changes improve the overall experience, or would it cap off the original trilogy on a down note? Read on to find out…

For this article, I played the NES Ninja Gaiden III, as well as the re-released version of the game in Ninja Gaiden Trilogy (the reasons for this will become clear later). Having played both versions, I can confirm that the Trilogy release’s altered graphics, bizarrely, have desaturated a lot of the brighter colours for God knows what reason. This is actively detrimental to the experience: for one example, streams of molten metal in the NES version end up looking like fountains of literal shit in Trilogy. In addition, the soundtrack has been downgraded significantly, reminding me of the hack job they did on Resident Evil Director’s Cut: it’s that level of crap.

Love

  • Further Refines the Ninja Gaiden Formula – You’d be surprised that they could find more ways to refine Ninja Gaiden on NES hardware after the second game, but they sure managed it here. The flashiest new feature would have to be the ability to grab onto overhanging bars and then move forward while hanging, or jump up onto the platform above. This adds an entire new dimension of strategic platforming whenever it is implemented. However, I think my favourite refinement is that you can now see what power-up is inside of each orb before you smash it. This makes it a lot easier to manage your ninja art of choice and know whether it’s worth it to go out of your way for an orb in a dangerous area.
  • Sword Power-up – Ninja Gaiden III adds a new upgrade which extends the range of your sword swing. It should go without saying that this is extremely handy for a game of this sort, but I also like the way that they’ve executed the idea. The upgrade only lasts until you die or reach the end of the current act, whichever comes first. This seems very fair to me, whereas Ninja Gaiden II‘s shadow ninjas were a bit too good and made the game feel so much worse when you died and lost them. Plus, with the aforementioned ability to see what’s inside each orb, you really get excited when you spot one up for grabs!
  • Enemies Don’t Respawn! – OH MY GOD, FINALLY! No more cheesing the game by manipulating enemy spawns, and no more frustration caused by endless respawns, if an enemy is pissing you off, just swing your sword at them. This “Love” is really self-evidently great, need I say more?

Mixed

  • Level Gimmicks – For the most part, Ninja Gaiden III jettisons the level gimmicks which plagued Ninja Gaiden II‘s runtime, and it’s a much less frustrating experience for it. However, they do come back all at once in act six: you suddenly have slippery platforms, foreground obstructions, and quicksand. On the one hand, thank you Ninja Gaiden III for confining this to a single act. On the other hand, the execution of these level gimmicks is at its absolute worst here, with excessively-slippery platforms, foreground obstructions making it impossible to see where the platform ends, and areas where the entire ground is quicksand, forcing you to jump constantly (including after defeating a boss, you still have to remember to jump or you’ll die and get forced to replay the entire boss fight and the run-up to it)!

Hate

  • ABSURD Difficulty – Look, I’m sure that I’ve made it abundantly clear by this point that I do not enjoy old-school difficulty and don’t have the patience to see these games through to the end. I don’t hold that against the games too much though, because they seem like they’re reasonably achievable with patience and practice. However, Ninja Gaiden III takes this to an even more absurd level, where I feel that it’s actively detrimental to the experience. For the first two games, I was able to struggle through to the last act before the challenge just got to be too much. With Ninja Gaiden III, I made it to the start of act three before I rage-quit. This game is, without a doubt, the hardest of the trilogy for one reason: even basic enemies do an idiotic amount of damage. You need to be damn-near perfect to survive this game, because it is incredibly punishing. Making a mistake and taking a couple hits will leave you with a sliver of health, so even tanking a hit to land a jump is an incredibly costly move. Oh, and the game only gives you a limited number of lives with which to complete the game. Perhaps the biggest piss-off though? The game wasn’t even designed this way: Tecmo decided, for the North American release, to just make the game harder, so they increased the damage of enemy attacks, gave you a life limit, and removed a password system to be able to “save” your progress…
    • …which brings us to Ninja Gaiden Trilogy. The version of Ninja Gaiden III in this compilation is based on the original Japanese release, which features the game’s originally-intended difficulty. The differences are like night and day: I could barely get to act three in the NES version, but in Trilogy I actually reached the final boss (the only NES Ninja Gaiden game I could do that for)! So, for all its faults, at least Trilogy makes Ninja Gaiden III reasonably playable!
  • Narrative – Compared to the previous two games, Ninja Gaiden III‘s narrative feels like a step down in quality. While its predecessors had b-movie narratives, Ninja Gaiden III‘s story is intensely bizarre. So, for some reason, the game is an interquel between the first and second games, but it doesn’t bother to tell you this until the very end of the game… There’s a rogue US Agent, Foster, who has created these clone-mutants (called bio-noids, lol) using lingering power from the demon Ryu defeated in the first game. The bio-noids were used to kill Irene, but it turns out that she’s not actually dead, because she knew what Foster was up to and was working with the US army against him. Anyway, the bad guys have cloned Ryu, so he now has to stop this imposter and figure out who killed Irene (but actually didn’t). Got all that? Good, because I haven’t even gotten to the titular Ancient Ship of Doom, which one of the bio-noids has claimed possession of, is going to use it to destroy the world and then replace it with a new one sculpted in his image. Suffice to say, it’s utter nonsense. Worst of all though? Even with the weird things going on, the narrative is not even particularly interesting. The first couple games were pretty simple, but the characters kept things interesting and the abundance of drama made things feel like there were some actual stakes.

Ninja Gaiden III is a weird case. When I was doing well, I found the game to be pretty enjoyable. However, if I made any mistake, I was punished so hard that it made the next mistake I made near-certain death. That just… isn’t fun. I’d be remiss if I did not mention that the version of Ninja Gaiden III in Trilogy is at a level of challenge that feels reasonable, even to a modern audience, so it might be worth a look. When you can actually enjoy playing the game, Ninja Gaiden III is a pretty good time!

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Love/Hate: Ninja Gaiden II – The Dark Sword of Chaos (1990)

Welcome back to the Ninja Gaiden Love/Hate series! In this entry, we’ll be looking at Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos, the direct sequel to the NES Ninja Gaiden! With the revolutionary success of the NES Ninja Gaiden, Tecmo set about making a grander and even more ambitious follow-up to try to eclipse it. Could they achieve this lofty goal, or would familiarity and aging hardware result in diminishing returns? Read on to find out…

Love

  • More Ninja Gaiden, But Refined – For the most part, Ninja Gaiden II is more of the good stuff that we got in the original: precise controls, satisfying platforming, and fast combat. The platforming abilities especially have been improved for the better. Being able to to climb up and down any wall you grab onto is super helpful. In addition, jumps feel a tad floatier than the first game. A floaty jump can be annoying, but they’ve tuned it well here. This makes it easier to jump off of a wall and then immediately turn around to get “up” onto a platform, and can make it a easier to land a strike at the peak of your jump. If anything, combat has become even more precise. You need to time your sword strikes just right to land a hit: even a fraction of a second too early can result in you getting hit instead.
  • More Emphasis on Story – While the actual narrative of Ninja Gaiden II is very simple (the secret bad guy behind the first game has kidnapped Irene, go take him out), the emphasis on cinematic storytelling is even greater than it was in the first game. Cutscenes are interspersed a bit more frequently to tell the game’s story, and really do a good job of making you feel like you’re part of an epic quest. As far as NES narratives go, this is about the best you could look for outside of a JRPG.
  • Graphics – Ninja Gaiden was already a pretty good looking game for the NES, but the 8-bit pixel art in Ninja Gaiden II is downright gorgeous at times. In particular, the sun-soaked approach to the demon altar is jaw-dropping stuff and really gets you in the mood for an epic showdown!
  • Difficulty – The difficulty in the first Ninja Gaiden felt downright unfair towards the end, throwing so much at you that you had to either memorize the entire level, or manipulate the game’s hardware limitations to make it through with enough health to survive the boss encounter. Ninja Gaiden II seems to strike a somewhat fairer balance: most enemies move slower and more predictably, giving just enough time to figure out how to deal with them without feeling like you’re going to be overwhelmed. I also found that health items drop more frequently than they did in the first game (to the point where I didn’t know that the first game even had health drops at all!). Sure, this is still an old-school hard game with its own levels of bullshit, but it feels significantly more manageable than the first game or Ninja Gaiden (arcade) did… That said, I did end up giving up in the last level again, but I got a lot further and felt a hell of a lot more motivated to get better than I did playing the first game, so that’s a plus.

Mixed

  • Shadow Ninjas – A new feature of this game is that you can get up to two “ghosts” of Ryu which will follow you and attack whenever you do (including using your sub-weapons!), potentially killing nearby enemies or dealing bonus damage to a boss. On the one hand, I’ll welcome anything that makes these games’ difficulty a bit more manageable for me, and lining these shadow ninjas up to damage an enemy while you’re safely off to the side can be pretty satisfying. On the other hand, they feel borderline overpowered, especially since they can clone your ninja arts and just wipe the screen clean of enemies. This also results in a general sense of screen clutter. I’ve had several enemies rushing at me that I never noticed because of all the crap my shadow ninjas were doing at the same time. Finally, when you die, your shadow ninjas go away until you find more item pickups for them. This, frankly, just makes you feel like crap when it happens, leaving you significantly depowered and invariably making the run back to whatever killed you even harder than it was the first time. As cool as they can be, I’d honestly just prefer a game balanced around the player character taking on everything themselves.

Hate

  • Stage Gimmicks – By far the worst addition in Ninja Gaiden II is this game’s obsession with filling most of the levels with some sort of new gimmick… and they all suck.
    • First of all, there’s the gusts of wind that blow you around uncontrollably. You have to actively push against them, or they’ll blow you right off of platforms. This would be fine, but the main issue is that you simply cannot make a jump if the wind is against you. Winds change direction after a few seconds, so this can get you hit and/or killed if it happens at an inopportune time.
    • Then there’s the level where it’s pitch-black night and you can only see the path forward during the occasional lightning flash. Honestly, this gimmick was my least-hated one, despite being potentially lethal to have to make a jump while blind. I think that this frustration was mitigated by the sheer fact that Ninja Gaiden II‘s platforming controls are stellar, and this stage has been mercifully designed in a way that you aren’t dealing with this while simultaneously being overwhelmed by multiple enemies (also, y’know, emulation conveniences help too).
    • Then there’s the icy platforms. Is there a single person out there who loves ice levels in platformers? As you’d expect, these ice platforms cause you to slide, and standing still on one will take a couple seconds to build up momentum to be able to move again. This sort of imprecise platforming goes against the entire reason I enjoy these NES Ninja Gaiden games in the first place, why would you ruin a level like this?
    • Then there’s the level where large ruins in the foreground block your view of Ryu, platforms and enemies throughout the level. What idiot thought that it would be a good idea to have an action platformer level where you can see neither the action, nor the platforming!? I don’t think I even took a hit because of this, but it’s the principle that counts!

Overall, I found Ninja Gaiden II to be a more fun experience than its predecessor. Tuning down the old-school difficulty just a smidgen makes its challenges something that I actually feel motivated to try to overcome. It’s basically just a more refined version of its predecessor, but that’s all it really needs to be!

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I hate ads. You hate ads. In order to stop polluting my site with obtrusive and annoying ads, I’ve elected to turn them off on IC2S. That said, writing still takes time and effort. If you enjoyed what you read here today and want to give a token of appreciation, I’ve set up a tip jar. Feel free to donate if you feel compelled to and I hope you enjoyed the article! ๐Ÿ™‚